


Days in a Lifetime

by sten06



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-26 01:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 44,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10776486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sten06/pseuds/sten06
Summary: They meet on a Friday, which is the perfect day for a life to change.Fridays are always wrought with happy anticipation. They taste like freedom and have the unmistakable shimmer of potential. They’re deviations from the norm -- a cheat day gift wrapped at the end of a hard week. They’re pizza parties and happy hours and staying out late. Even for Lena Luthor, a Friday is a more hopeful occasion than any other day in her little life.ORKara and Lena meet as children and grow up together; a series in 8 parts up through present day (+ Epilogue). Lena's POV. Pre-canon, then following canon themes with my own spin/twist :) NOT a strict retelling of any season but you'll recognize lines, and characters, and other easter eggs. Slowburn, but there are treats within. Happy ending because I am NOT a monster and Lena Luthor deserves better. You'll just have to be patient with me ;)





	1. Friday

**Author's Note:**

> I love Lena Luthor like she is my own, so this is my version of her life story, if she met Kara Zor-El early on. I hope I did her (and Kara) justice. Also bear with me, Kara is not just a puppy, we get to see a lot of her coming of age struggles too.
> 
> THANK YOU TO JESS (NyxAqua) for reading all my chapters and helping me rearrange NECESSARY angst.... and for being generally awesome

They meet on a Friday, which is the perfect day for a life to change.

 

Fridays are always wrought with happy anticipation. They taste like freedom and have the unmistakable shimmer of potential. They’re deviations from the norm -- a cheat day gift wrapped at the end of a hard week. They’re pizza parties and happy hours and staying out late. Even for Lena Luthor, a Friday is a more hopeful occasion than any other day in her little life.

 

She’s 9, but quick to say she’s almost 10, juggling pain and loss of someone twice her age, but somehow managing to endure. She’s stronger than she looks, and brilliant in such a way that her teachers adore, her family expects, and her peers despise. Skipping one grade is interesting, skipping two, abnormal, and skipping three, well, that is just unheard of. It isn’t that she wants to stand out, but she doesn’t see what the big deal is, not really. She thinks most little girls her age are reading classic literature and learning complex equations. She doesn’t think she’s special. She also can’t understand why everyone stares at her when she walks down the hall, or quirks their eyebrows when she answers questions in class. She smiles at the other students at lunch, but they pretend they don’t see her, whispering softly to each other when they think she isn’t looking. But she’s always looking. Unconsciously, she is searching for a connection with something, or someone. Lena has never had a friend before, besides her adoptive brother, Lex, but on Friday her luck is about to change. She meets Kara on a Friday, and her life is never the same.

 

She’s sitting in the corner of the library, her book long forgotten, staring at the board game in front of her. Ms. Matthews, the librarian, is the only person willing to play chess with Lena during lunch, and even though she isn’t great at the game, it gives Lena some practice in order to beat Lex at home. The rest of the 7th graders are outside, engrossed in games of basketball or soccer, enjoying the beautiful sunshine. Lena, being so much younger, never gets asked to play, so she avoids the embarrassment and stays indoors. She scans the board like a hawk, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, until she grabs at the white knight. She slides him into position, bellowing a triumphant “Check mate!”. Ms. Matthews shakes her head, smiling.

 

“Lena, I think that was the fastest you’ve ever beaten me!” she praises, and Lena smiles harder. She knows Ms. Matthews isn’t her toughest competitor, but someone spending time with her of their own volition always makes her feel good.

 

She begins clearing the pieces away when a small voice calls out.

 

“Hey, can you teach me that?” the voice is hesitant. Lena glances up and her eyes crash into the bluest stare she’s ever seen. The girl who owns the soft voice tilts her head thoughtfully, walking toward Lena with nervous steps. She has golden hair and a bright smile, one that Lena thinks is impossible to forget.

 

The girl stands in front of her and asks again.

 

“This --” she points at the game, “what is this? Can you teach me?” she looks at Lena expectantly.

 

Lena nods slowly.

 

“Have you ever played chess before?” she asks, and the stranger shakes her head.

 

“Chess.” the girl repeats, trying the word on her tongue. It is curious, like she’s never heard of such a word, but Lena shrugs it off. Nobody else her age plays the game besides her brother, so she doesn’t expect much from this girl, either. The girl sits across from Lena and smiles.

 

Something about her smile makes Lena forget who she is.

 

“I’m Kara,” she says, “I just moved here. This is my first week at school.” she holds out her hand, and Lena hesitates.

 

She wants so badly to shake this girl’s hand and welcome her, but she knows it would only be a fleeting moment, a teasing friendship, one that will only last until Kara gets acclimated and finds better people to hang out with. She sighs, but holds her hand out anyway. She can’t help herself. There is a small part of her that hopes beyond hope for _maybe. Maybe she’ll be wrong. Maybe this one will stay. Maybe..._

 

“I’m Lena,” she says slowly, feeling Kara’s warm hand in hers.

 

“Lena,” Kara repeats, nodding to herself, as if committing it to memory. Lena’s cheeks flush at the way Kara says her name, the vowels sounding exotic and strangely beautiful. “That’s a really pretty name.” she says, her smile somehow growing brighter. Lena can’t help but return it.

 

Lena sets up the game, and soon finds herself talking a mile a minute, explaining the ins and outs of the complicated strategies, pointing to pieces and giving Kara a breakdown of all the nuances. Shockingly, Kara seems to keep up, repeating words back to Lena every so often. In no time, the two are able to play with very little interruption.

 

Lena’s heart is soaring. It’s the first time someone close to her age is playing with her, and, for once, giving her a challenge. Lena is impressed with Kara’s skill, and the way she seems to pick up the concept incredibly fast. They are lost in their own world until she hears it. The snickers and the voices. The teasing.

 

“Aw, Lena finally found a friend as weird as her!” cries one voice belonging to one of the more obnoxious boys in her grade. He picks up one of the chess pieces and holds it out of reach.

 

“The new girl doesn’t know any better,” another chimes in, “otherwise she wouldn’t be hanging out with Lena Loser.”

 

“Come with us, new girl, you don’t wanna hang out with her.” a girl’s voice cuts in, as she reaches for Kara’s hand.

 

Lena’s stomach coils. She feels exposed in front of Kara, this new potential friend that she barely has a chance to get to know. _Now she’s going to see what I’m really like and she’s going to leave._ Lena swallows the lump in her throat as she reaches again for the chess piece.

 

Kara stares at Lena, her eyes wide in surprise. She winces at each insult hurled their way, but Lena can’t meet her gaze directly. Instead she stares at the ground, humiliated, waiting in shame for her new friend to walk away. Instead, she hears Kara speak.

 

“We aren’t done playing.” she says calmly, her voice strong, as she pulls her hand away from the pawing group.

 

They encircle them, giggling harder as the chess piece remains elusive. Suddenly, Kara jumps out of her seat impossibly fast, grabbing the game piece while simultaneously knocking the boy in question to the ground, returning to her spot in the blink of an eye. She looks startled, but triumphant.

 

Lena isn’t sure what she witnesses, but her mouth hangs open in shock.

 

Everyone is silent.

 

“What a freak!” jeers the girl who had previously wanted Kara to join them. The rest of the group mumbles in agreement, picking the crumpled boy off the floor and eyeing the pair before retreating.

 

Lena stares at Kara. She can’t believe this is happening. Not only did Kara stay, but she actually defended her? No one had ever stood up for Lena like that. She isn’t even processing the fact that Kara easily knocked down a boy almost twice her size, though that fact keeps her up at night months later.

 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Lena begins, feeling guilty, knowing that Kara just made life a lot harder for herself by aligning herself with Lena.

 

“We aren’t done playing,” Kara says simply, putting the piece back in position and smiling. “Besides, I didn’t like how they were talking to you.”

 

Lena rests her head on her hands and glances at Kara again, shrugging. “It’s no big deal, I’m used to it.” she says, trying to seem unaffected by their hurtful words. The truth is, she cries herself to sleep every night, alone. Sometimes, the tears don’t come, because her heart is so broken, that she just stares at the ceiling and promises to be better. _If only, if only.._.

 

Kara looks at her thoughtfully before speaking again, as if she’s reaching into Lena’s soul and studying it with voracity. She reaches her hand out and this time Lena takes it, without hesitation.

 

“You don’t have to be used to it anymore. I’m your friend now.” her smile is genuine, and her hand is warm and soft.

 

Lena feels it like a jolt. This is the answer to her awful days, and her lonely nights. She sees it in Kara’s gentle face and kind eyes.

 

“I’ve never had friends like you before.” Lena says, and Kara scrunches her nose and giggles.

 

“Now you do.” she replies. She reaches over and moves her Queen piece into position and beams.

 

“Did I do this right?” she asks, slightly unsure.

 

Lena looks down at the board and grins. She shakes her head in disbelief.

 

_Checkmate._

 

She doesn’t know it yet, but Lena Luthor falls in love on a Friday, and the world begins to shine a little brighter, and hurt a little less.

* * *

 

They fall into an easy pattern, never going anywhere without the other, attached at the hip from the moment Kara’s chess piece topples Lena’s. It feels like they’ve known each other forever and Lena wonders how she possibly survived this whole time without Kara Danvers.

 

Where everyone else treats Lena like a pariah for being so young, Kara thinks it’s the best thing in the world.

 

“You really got to skip 3 whole grades? You must be the smartest girl in the whole school!” Kara beams and she says it so sincerely that Lena almost believes it.

 

For the first time, Lena actually looks forward to going to the cafeteria because she doesn’t have to hide in the library. She also finds it hilarious, because Kara is small, but eats more than anyone she’s ever met. It doesn’t take long before Lena starts buying extra food to have on her tray for when Kara inevitably finishes her own food and starts looking around for more.

 

“How can you still be hungry?” Lena giggles, handing Kara the wrapped muffin from her tray and the extra apple she picked up just for her.

 

“How can you not be? These muffins are so good!” Kara munches happily and within minutes, both trays are empty.

 

They have most of the same classes together, but when they don’t, Lena waits by Kara’s classroom door so they can walk the halls side by side. The sneers and jibes deflect off her shoulders when she has Kara happily chattering in her ear, as if 45 minutes apart is a lifetime and she has novels worth of information to share.

 

“Lena! We’re doing a project on dinosaurs. _Dinosaurs!_ They’re so cool. Did you know there are museums here with actual dinosaur _bones?_ ” she comes flying out the door after 5th period science, practically bouncing with giddy excitement and Lena can’t help but join in her enthusiasm.

 

“They have exhibits at the Museum of Science in downtown Metropolis. They’re bigger than anything you could imagine,” Lena says. She went once with the Luthors because Lex had gone through a dinosaur phase when he was younger. Lena thought it was fascinating, but found herself even more attracted to the astronomy and technology wing. “They have exhibits of all sorts of stuff -- different planets, and stars, and a whole room dedicated to robots!” Lena is the one excited now, and Kara’s smile gets impossibly wider.

 

“Oh my gosh, can we go? Please! That would be amazing! That sounds like it would be our favorite place ever!” Kara claps her hands and Lena’s heart races.

 

A favorite place to share with someone. She likes the way that sounds.

 

Their wish comes true and they go a few weeks later, as part of a school field trip. The rest of the class moans and groans, complaining that museums are _boring_ and that this is the worst field trip of all time. Kara and Lena, on the other hand, feel like Christmas came early. They break free from the group as soon as they’re allowed, and wander the endless halls and rooms of the magnificent museum, wanting to take it all in, knowing it would be impossible in one day. They see the dinosaurs, and Kara is delighted by the size of the them, the way Lena said she would be.

 

Lena shows her the wing with the ancient Egyptian tombs, and mummies, and giggles at Kara’s face when she sees the artifacts and colors drawn on the walls. They wander down corridors filled with prehistoric aquamarine life, taking pictures of each other imitating the awkward teeth and funny faces of the sharks and deep sea fish. Lena does a particularly good shark impression and Kara’s eyes fill with tears from laughter. They meander down to the exhibits with prototypes of tech gadgets yet to be discovered, or those in the process of being researched and Lena’s eyes grow wide in excitement.

 

“Look at this Kara! It’s the start of a transporter beam. Wow, I wonder if they’ll ever get it to work,” Lena reads the description near the device and stares in wonder.

 

“They don’t already have one here?” Kara asks, and she looks at Lena curiously.

 

Lena tilts her head thoughtfully.

 

“No, why, have you seen one or something?” she teases, but Kara’s expression is confused.

 

“No I -- I guess not,” she stammers. “It looks familiar but I must be thinking of something else.”

 

Lena lets it go.

 

“I want to make something like this that will change the world.” she whispers and Kara grabs her hand.

 

“You will.” she promises. Lena’s cheeks flush and she looks down at the ground.

 

They finish with the space wing, and Kara’s face lights up. There are planets, and moons, and stars, and displays about the galaxies. Kara is enamored, and Lena loves her reaction. She thinks she may have a new favorite spot in the museum, too.

 

Kara stops in front of an exhibit on a red sun planet. She stares hard, reading the inscription and tracing the words.

 

“Krypton,” Lena reads. “The lost planet. Isn’t that where Superman is from?” she asks.

 

Kara nods slowly, her eyes never leaving the pictures on the wall. They stare at it for longer than necessary, but Lena doesn’t mind. Something changes in Kara’s face, and Lena isn’t sure what Kara’s thinking, but she waits quietly for her to finish.

 

“Do you think we could come back here sometime?” Kara asks quietly, her eyes lost in another world.

 

“Of course we can,” Lena says, detecting Kara’s deep connection to the pictures on the wall. “I promise.”

 

They spend a lot of Fridays up late talking about planets, sharing stories and staring at the stars.

* * *

“Lena, when is your birthday?” Kara asks, a serious look on her face. They’re sitting outside of the school on the swing set, lazily rocking back and forth, talking and laughing and telling stories. It’s a gorgeous sunny Friday, one of those days without any clouds in the sky, and it matches Lena’s mood.

 

“I don’t really know,” Lena says sheepishly, her face turning bright red. “I--my family, we don’t really do anything for birthdays.”

 

“But--But birthdays are so important! They’re like the best thing I’ve ever heard of. You get presents, and cake, and ice cream, and you play games and everyone sings to you.”

 

Lena shrugs and shakes her head. She vaguely remembers birthday celebrations, but the memories are frayed and blurry around the edges, like an old photograph. It’s hard to distinguish the memory from the one captured on kodak film, and the Luthors have long since buried any happy celebrations of life in their home.  

 

“You have ice cream all the time,” Lena giggles, “We can sing before eating it if that makes you feel better.”

 

Kara laughs and shakes her head.

 

“Lena, I’m serious. My birthday here is in two weeks! But since you don’t know yours, it can be yours too. We’ll have the same birthday!” Kara’s eyes crinkle with excitement.

 

Lena raises her eyebrows in surprise. “What do you mean here?” she giggles, “Is it different somewhere else?”

 

Kara’s cheeks turn red as she stammers.

 

“N-No, that’s not--I just meant--” she adjusts her glasses and looks at the ground, studying the blades of grass underneath her feet.

 

“Oh, Kara, I’m only kidding. You’re so funny. You don’t have to share your birthday with me. It’s your day.” Lena reaches across her swing and touches Kara’s hand in reassurance. Kara glances up at her, a grateful smile on her face.

 

“Of course I’ll share with you, Lena. You clearly don’t understand how amazing birthday cake is. I’d be a really bad friend if I didn’t let you share mine.” She looks at her with such sincerity that it’s impossible to say no.

 

They celebrate their first joint birthday on a Friday. It isn’t a grand celebration, nor does it involve a gaggle of friends or over the top gestures. It’s perfect in it’s simplicity. It’s after school, and Lena goes to Kara’s house, where they bake cupcakes and decorate them with way too much blue frosting. Most of it ends up on faces, and in hair, but the rest gets on the intended target. Kara’s mother, Eliza, watches from the other room, offering tidbits of advice so the kitchen doesn’t go up in flames. It’s a far cry from Lillian Luthor, who would have zero tolerance for the type of nonsense going on in the house. Eliza has a kind face, and warm eyes, and she smiles at Lena like she understands. It makes Lena’s chest hurt with a longing that she thought she had forgotten. A longing for a real mother.

 

Kara’s sister Alex is noticeably absent, but Kara explains they’re celebrating as a family tomorrow. Lena is secretly relieved. She’s seen Alex at school and knows it’s better not to cross her. She doesn’t think Alex will like her at all.

 

They exchange homemade cards, Lena’s decorated Kara’s with dinosaurs and planets, and Kara’s made Lena’s with robots and stars. Lena thinks she understands now why people enjoy birthdays so much. She’s never felt this special in her entire life.

 

Kara stares at the cupcakes on their plates with a frown, before shooting out of her chair and whispering to Eliza. A few minutes later, there are candles. Eliza leans down and whispers something in her ear. Kara nods slowly and smiles.

 

“Okay Lena, we have to make a wish and then blow out the candles,” Kara instructs, and Lena loves that Kara is doing most of this for her benefit. “The wish is very important. You can’t tell anyone or it won’t come true.”

 

Lena nods seriously.

 

For the first time, Lena has a hard time thinking what to wish for,  because she’s already got the one thing she always wanted. She closes her eyes and hopes it lasts forever.

 

Kara blows out her candle so hard the cupcake falls over, and frosting goes everywhere. Her eyes widen in surprise, and her cheeks turn a dark shade of crimson. She looks distraught until Lena bursts out laughing.

 

It’s the funniest thing Lena’s ever seen and her sides ache from laughing. Kara joins in a few moments later, and soon they’re both covered in frosting and happy tears. It’s the greatest birthday either one has ever had.


	2. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara calls Lena her best friend on a Saturday. 
> 
> OR
> 
> Accidental explosions, broken arms, and many promises.

It’s a Saturday when Kara calls Lena her best friend. 

 

Saturdays are pancakes and bike rides, swimming pools and swing sets, star gazing and happy secrets. They’re for fun adventures and laughing until your stomach hurts. Suddenly, Lena’s grayscale life is infused with color, the likes of which she never knew possible. She’s injected with an adrenaline rush of friendship, and she feels superhuman, shrouded by a shield of constant happiness, gulping in a feeling of unbridled hope. She’s overwhelmed with positivity, knowing that nothing truly  _ bad _ can ever happen on a Saturday, because it is the most coveted, fun, spirited day of any week. With Kara by her side, Lena begins to feel bulletproof.

 

Not even her mother’s harshest words tear through Lena’s skin quite as deep when she has Kara to tell her she’s  _ good _ .  

 

Not even her darkest demons can play tricks in her head when Kara’s light shines on her in the form of a smile, or a fully unleashed laugh.

 

At first, she’s hesitant, waiting for the day Kara decides that she is no longer interested in being friends. Her mother’s words constantly claw at her, reminding her she has no one on her side, no one else but the Luthors, a family of which she isn’t truly part. Lena is adopted, and it’s something her mother never lets her forget. There are days she feels this is true, that she should be thankful she has the Luthors, since without them, no one would want her. But when she sees Kara, she wants so badly to believe that someone will stay by her side without obligation. She wants to think someone stays because they love her. 

 

It’s why Lena tries so hard to be the kind of friend Kara deserves. 

 

“Kara, where are we going?” Lena cries through her laughter, scampering after Kara who is running blazingly fast down the dirt path. They’ve been biking for what feels like days, but has only been a few miles, Lena trying desperately to keep up with Kara’s impossible pace. She sees Kara ditch her bike up ahead and take off through the wooded clearing, turning over her shoulder and smiling, waving at Lena to follow.

 

Lena’s mother rarely lets her out of the house to do anything she deems “frivolous” but today is a rare exception. Today Lillian is too busy with work to torment Lena, and that means a few stolen moments of freedom with her friend. Kara shows up at Lena’s house every weekend, even though most times Lena isn’t allowed to go anywhere. Still, like clockwork, she comes around the back and throws pebbles lightly at Lena’s window. On the days Lillian won’t let her leave, Kara writes her silly notes and leaves them stashed in the hollow of an old gnarled maple tree in Lena’s yard. 

 

She keeps the drawing of two girls holding hands with big smiles on their stick figure faces, Lena’s with jet black crayon hair and green eyes, and Kara’s with yellow marker locks and black glasses in a box under her bed. It says  _ best friends forever _ underneath, and it’s one of Lena’s favorite possessions.

 

Lena always writes her back. Some days, she leaves her bundles of flowers, because she loves the way they smell and the way the brightest colored ones remind her of Kara. It’s how they bridge the gap between days when they can’t be together. She isn’t sure how Kara always manages to come over, but she’s thankful that she does.

 

Lena runs and runs, her legs cramp and her lungs burn, but she runs after Kara like her life depends on it. In so many ways, it does. She finally catches up, doubled over trying to regain her breath.

 

“You are -- so -- fast!” she gasps, her arms on her legs as she’s hunched over by Kara’s side. Kara looks over, concerned.

 

“I’m sorry! I forget sometimes…” she bites the end of her sentence, leaving it drifting as she pats Lena’s back. 

 

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I can’t believe they don’t pick you first for every team in P.E. You’re like the fastest person I know.” Lena returns to standing and smiles. 

 

It’s true, Kara is always lightning fast and seems to have unlimited energy. She wonders why she doesn’t play any sports at school, but instead insists on curling up in the library with Lena, who is severely lacking in the athletics department. Kara has joined every club Lena is part of -- chess, robotics, foreign languages, band. Lena feels guilty, because even though Kara is enthusiastic about all the activities, and has told her on more than one occasion how much she loves hanging out with Lena, she wonders what Kara would choose for herself. 

 

She thinks about the way the other kids tease her, the way they used to only tease Lena. They call Kara weird, and they make fun of her for being somewhat clumsy, and asking strange questions. Lena doesn’t find her weird, or her questions strange. She thinks Kara is the smartest person she knows. In fact, Kara is the one that starts checking Lena’s math homework and helps her correct the errors. They are few and far between, but Kara never misses one. Lena knows Kara is a few years older, but she’s not used to someone close to her being so--  _ smart. _ Lena returns the favor with certain subjects, noticing Kara struggles subtly with grammar and seems overwhelmed by history. Lena loves to read, so she relishes the extra practice working with Kara. 

 

They complement each other like perfectly matched puzzle pieces.

 

“Alex -- my sister -- says I need to be careful. I shouldn’t try to stand out.” Kara says, and her words sound quoted, like they’ve been rehearsed. She has a faraway look in her eye, one that Lena is getting used to seeing every once in awhile, when Kara looks like she’s on the verge of telling her something important. There’s sadness, too, and that’s the part that Lena hates. 

 

It means they have more in common than just their talents.

 

Lena bites her lip. She understands holding back better than anyone. She hates standing out, and even though she tries to steer clear of everyone at school, she still manages to draw unwanted attention. But it bothers her that Kara is being told to hold back in a way that could make her unhappy.

 

“Well then it’s a good thing it’s just us here, right?” Lena hopes Kara knows she doesn’t have to hold back when it’s just them. Kara is special.

 

Kara takes her hand and squeezes it, her bright smile flashes and she nods. 

 

“Come on!” she says, and she takes off again, down a small sandy incline and straight into the shimmering lake at the bottom. Lena shakes her head and follows.

 

They swim, and splash, and laugh for hours. Kara is floating effortlessly and swimming in circles, Lena delicately treading water and trying to stay afloat. Finally, they lay out on the soft sandy spot by the water’s edge, eyes focused on the sky. 

 

“It’s not as loud here.” Kara practically whispers, and Lena glances over.

 

“No, it’s really peaceful,” she agrees. Her eyes are closed, she feels the sun on her face and she’s calm.

 

“Sometimes school is so loud, it hurts my head,” Kara mumbles and Lena opens her eyes. She knows, because she’s seen the way Kara sometimes retreats into herself when this happens.

 

They talk more about life, and Kara tells Lena about the Danvers family, and how they adopted her. Lena’s heart breaks when she learns that Kara lost her parents in a fire. She holds her hand.

 

“I’m so sorry, that’s awful.” Lena knows loss, but her memories are small and faded. She was four when the Luthors adopted her, and doesn’t remember as much as Kara probably does about her biological family.

 

“It’s hard, but I’m lucky. The Danvers are the best, and Alex is great. Plus now I have you.” She smiles that smile again, and Lena sighs.

 

Lena tells her about her own mother, her real one, and the way she can sometimes still smell her sandalwood perfume or hear the melodic sound of her voice. She tells her about the fluffy teddy bear she still has from when she was a baby. Her cheeks burn with embarrassment but Kara just listens and smiles. She starts to tell her about the Luthors, and she can feel Kara’s body tense.

 

“They aren’t nice to you, are they?” she asks, and Lena hesitates. 

 

“It isn’t that they’re bad, they just expect a lot,” she defends the Luthors, despite the pit in her stomach. “My father, Lionel, he’s very kind and patient. He brings back presents when he goes away on business trips. Lex is wonderful, kind of like your sister. He was my only friend for the longest time,” she grins, thinking of her brother. “My mother is always very busy, that’s all.” Her voice trails off, and her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Kara knows there’s more to it, but she’s quiet. She nods. 

 

Birds fly overhead and caw in the distance and Kara sits up abruptly.

 

“What are those?” she exclaims, pointing wildly, tapping Lena’s shoulder. Lena looks up, puzzled.

 

“Those are just birds,” she giggles, “Did they not have birds in your old city?” she says it teasingly, her eyebrow quirking in jest, but deep down, she wonders.

 

Kara shakes her head slowly, her eyes wide in awe. Lena sits up, her hand gently finding Kara’s shoulder. Kara turns to her and smiles sheepishly. 

 

“I just like things that can fly,” she whispers and Lena nods, both their faces looking up at the sky.

 

“I’m afraid of flying, but I think if I was a bird, it wouldn’t be so bad.” Lena turns back to Kara and smiles, and can’t help but notice the sparkle in Kara’s eye. 

 

A voice calls out from behind them, startling Lena and causing Kara to jump. 

 

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for -- oh. Hi.” The girl pauses. Lena bristles, expecting a fight. She always tenses when other people engage her, expecting the worst. 

 

“Alex! This is my best friend Lena!” Kara turns and smiles, pointing to Lena, who feels the heat rise to her cheeks at the thought of being anyone’s favorite friend. She immediately notices the older Danvers’ stiff position as she scrutinizes the pair. “Lena, this is my sister, Alex.”

 

“Lena Luthor,” Alex nods, “I’ve heard a lot about you.” She doesn’t smile, and Lena clenches her jaw. She doubts Alex has only heard about her from Kara. It’s the meeting she has been dreading, but knew it was coming eventually.

 

“Alex Danvers. Kara has told me a lot about you too, it’s nice to finally meet you.” She tries to sound genuine, but she can’t help the way her words sound forced and fake.

 

“Did you see those birds? How cool are they? The way they just fly around….” Kara is back to the birds, and Alex’s eyes widen in horror. Lena looks between both the sisters, unsure of what to make of the whole exchange. Alex is tense, and Kara is oblivious, though her enthusiasm diminishes when she meets Alex’s glare.

 

Lena doesn’t care that Kara doesn’t know what birds are, or that she’s gone through four desks this semester alone because she has a habit of bumping into them a little too strongly and reducing them to dented bits. It doesn’t bother her that sometimes Kara gets overwhelmed by crowds of people, or the way she panics when there are a lot of different noises. Lena doesn’t like loud noises either, and she hates crowds. She deals with it, though, because she doesn’t have a choice. Her mother’s voice is always ringing in her ears to  _ stand up straight, _ and n _ ever show weakness. _ Kara seems to struggle, and that’s the part that bothers Lena. She hates seeing Kara nervous and upset.

 

“Kara, we should head home soon, mom and dad will be worried.” Alex gives her a warning stare, and Kara swallows slowly. She looks at Lena with an apologetic smile and flings her arms around her in an almost too-tight embrace. Lena stiffens, surprised at the contact. The Luthors aren’t exactly known for giving affection, but Kara is warm and strong and Lena can’t help but smile, wrapping her arms around Kara and returning the hug. 

 

“Bye Lena,” she whispers in her ear. “I’ll see you at school.”

 

“Bye Kara.”

* * *

 

Weeks later, it’s a rainy Saturday, the kind that always leads to small explosions and good times. There tends to be a sense of daring when friends are left to their own devices, without the watchful eye of someone who knows better. This particular Saturday calls for reckless adventures and near-disasters, which is exactly what happens when two inquisitive young minds start running wild. 

 

Lena and Kara are in Kara’s basement, which is one of their new favorite hide outs. It isn’t finished, the concrete walls and dangling light bulbs creating the look of an abandoned bomb shelter more than a playroom, but it’s perfect for building pretend rockets to the moon and conducting experiments with rocks and minerals. Today’s agenda has the two furiously toiling over an attempt to create a moon rock, something Kara has curiously detailed specifications for.

 

“They have to be about this big,” she explains, looking at Lena and gesturing with her hands, creating a small distance between her palms. “And if we could make them glow, that’d be even better.”

 

They are perched over a long wooden table, with various instruments and measuring cups strewn over the top. In the corner there’s a desk with a computer, a spot where Jeremiah sometimes comes to do his work. 

 

Lena furrows her eyebrows in concentration, her tongue peeking through the corner of her mouth as she writes something down. She looks up and nods, then reaches into her bag and pulls out several containers of various materials. Kara’s eyes widen.

 

“Where’d you get all that stuff?” she asks excitedly, reaching for one of the bags that contain a green, slimy substance. “This looks so gross!” she grins. 

 

“Some of it is from the lab at school, and some of it is from my brother,” Lena says, grinning at Kara’s scrunched up face as she turns the bag of slime upside down and watches it slither and congeal. “He’s always working on things in our garage, but these are just scraps.”

 

They set to work, measuring and mixing, spilling and laughing, and ultimately they come up with a formula that they’re about 50% sure will work. Lena watches cautiously as Kara mixes the final component and adds it to the waiting beaker. It mixes and fizzles, and then starts to smoke. A few specks of the liquid splash out of the container and land on Lena’s hands, and a small drop lands on Kara’s forehead. 

 

Before she knows it, Kara is on the ground groaning and wincing in pain, and Lena is bewildered. 

 

“Kara, what’s wrong? What happened?” Lena asks, wiping her hands and bending down to check on Kara. Her face is twisted in horrible agony, her forehead twinging with a strange, lime green flicker. Lena reaches out and wipes it away, but Kara is still left shaky and sweating. They sit together in stunned silence until Kara’s breath returns to normal. Her forehead has a small indent from the burn right above her eye.

 

“How-- how did that not burn you?” Kara asks, her breath raspy and shallow, “I felt like my whole body was melting.”

 

“I -- I don’t know…” Lena trails off, staring hard at the contents of the container above them, reviewing the recipe frantically in her mind. “Maybe you’re allergic to something?”

 

Secretly, her mind is reeling, wondering what her brother could possibly be doing with all these chemicals. She thought when she read over his research that it was a harmless mixture, there was no note about such an effect. Kara must be allergic, it’s the only explanation, she thinks.

 

“I must be.” Kara says, her head tilted in thought, staring at Lena.

 

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry. Can I get you water?” Lena asks, startled now at the potential danger of the situation.

 

“What are you two doing?” Alex asks suddenly, her voice firm and scolding, like a displeased adult, only worse, somehow. “Kara, are you okay?” she walks toward them, her eyes flashing in fear over Kara’s burned forehead.

 

“I’m fine, we were just playing around with some stuff. I think I’m allergic.” she says, shrugging, already seeming to get back to herself. Lena is relieved, but her stomach is back in knots when she meets Alex’s eyes. 

 

“What is this, Lena? What are you trying to do?” her eyes narrow at her, and her words are dripping with accusation. Lena’s breath hitches.

 

“She wasn’t doing anything, Alex. We were trying to make a moon rock!” Kara intervenes, and Alex turns to face her, annoyed.

 

“I think that’s enough with your little experiments. You could have gotten seriously hurt. You can’t be so reckless, Kara!” she says, exasperated. 

 

That night, Lena stares at the ceiling, unable to sleep, bothered by all the transgressions of the day. Kara is fine, and was back to eating her weight in ice cream and telling jokes within minutes, but Lena can’t shake the images of her best friend writhing in pain on the concrete floor. She stares at the backs of her hands, rotating her wrists to study her palms, wondering why nothing happened to her. It seems so curious that the smallest drop could leave Kara -- unshakeable, strong, confident Kara -- so scarred. She makes mental notes of all the ingredients and promises to correct her errors, so nothing like that will ever happen again. She begins devising a way to combat this ailment before truly understanding exactly what they created. She falls into a fitful sleep, one of glowing moon rocks and burning fire. 

It seems like a tragedy, but it’s actually a gift, one that Lena doesn’t realize until many years later. It’s a Saturday when they accidentally discover Kryptonite, but it might be the thing that saves both their lives.

* * *

 

It takes time, particularly after the explosion incident, but Kara is insistent in Lena’s good intentions, and Alex eventually warms up to her. The three girls forge an unlikely friendship, and everything fits the way it’s supposed to. Lena notices that Alex keeps a close watch on Kara, made even closer when Lena is around, but she’s glad that Kara has two people surrounding her who clearly care about her. 

 

Lena begins to feel more invincible when she’s with her friends, finding a hidden layer of strength she never knew she had. It feels powerful, and intense, and it helps Lena learn to look people in the eye. Kara’s already saved her life in more ways than one, but when she physically saves her life, it happens on a Saturday. Lena knows it’s true for sure now-- nothing bad can happen on a Saturday.

 

It’s isn’t extraordinary, but it happens too fast to be entirely normal. They’re downtown, walking their bikes along the sidewalk. Alex is up ahead, talking to another friend in her grade, and Kara and Lena are dawdling behind, as usual. One minute, they’re on the sidewalk, heading toward the ice cream shop, Kara talking excitedly about how many different flavors she can get on one cone. The next, there’s screaming and yelling, and the sickening crunch of glass and bones. Lena finds herself on her back against the cement ground under Kara, inches away from a car that jumps the divider and crashes into a shop window. Lena looks up at Kara with scared wide eyes, the pain radiating down her arm and into her chest. Kara has the same nervous expression plastered on her face.

 

“Lena! Lena are you okay?” Alex calls out, running over before kneeling by the pair. She looks frantically at Kara.

 

“I--I’m okay--just my arm,” Lena winces, the pain spreading like a wildfire. She sits up slowly, her mind processing the scene in front of her: the car through the window, the totaled bicycle, a growing crowd of shocked spectators, and a shaken, but completely unharmed Kara peering at her nervously. “You saved me.” she whispers, and Kara’s cheeks turn bright red.

 

“I think--I think I broke your arm,” Kara’s eyebrows furrow as she stares hard at Lena’s limp right wrist. “Oh Lena, I’m so sorry!” Kara’s eyes are brimming with tears.

 

“Your sister is so fast!” Alex’s friend pipes up behind her, and Alex’s eyes widen in horror. “That car was heading straight for them. That was amazing!” The crowd gathers around the scene, whispering amongst themselves, asking the driver if he’s okay and peering down at Lena. Someone close by calls 9-1-1.

 

“Adrenaline rush,” Alex says, shrugging, turning and staring hard at Lena, an unspoken conversation taking place between them that Lena isn’t sure she understands right now. “I think a broken arm is better than anything else that could have happened.” Alex finishes. Lena nods in agreement, grimacing slightly.

 

“We should get you to the hospital,” Kara says gently, kneeling down to help Lena up. She takes her good hand in her own and slowly pulls her to her feet. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Lena.” She keeps repeating, and Lena doesn’t understand why she should be sorry. If Kara hadn’t been there…. 

 

Lena shudders at the thought.

 

“Kara, let me handle it. The ambulance will be here any minute to check on the driver, and I don’t think you should be here.” Alex gives her  _ the look _ and Kara’s eyes fall to the ground. She nods slowly, shaking her head in disgust with herself. She glances at Lena and offers a sad smile, her eyes still holding the weight of worry. 

 

Lena grips her hand and smiles.

 

“My hero.” she says, smiling, and Kara adjusts her glasses and laughs. “I’m going to be fine thanks to you, Kara.”

 

Kara saunters away slowly. The crowd parts to let her through, confused glances exchanged amongst everyone. Alex watches them with a keen eye, before turning to Lena.

 

“Lena, you have to tell them you fell off your bike to avoid the car, and that’s how you broke your arm,” Alex explains calmly, and Lena listens. She doesn’t want Kara to get in any trouble, though she doesn’t understand why she would. “Can you do that? To anyone who asks -- you fell off your bike. That means your family, too.”

 

Lena nods, her eyes falling directly on Alex’s. An unspoken promise.

 

“I fell off my bike.” she repeats.

 

The paramedics come and take her to get her arm cast, and she repeats the same story until she can rehearse it with her eyes closed. Kara is nowhere involved. Later that night, her mother grills her with intensity, staring her down and offering harsh words of criticism about “reckless behavior” and “useless activities”, but her father just smiles and offers words of encouragement. Lex signs her cast and draws funny pictures.

 

When she gets to her room, she stays up all night finishing the gift she had been working on for weeks for Kara. It’s a bit difficult with one arm, but she doesn’t mind. She takes a pair of earbuds and constructs them in a way to blunt sounds from being too overwhelming, without looking like earplugs. She doesn’t want to call attention to it, and thinks Kara can wear them under the ruse that she’s listening to music. She wraps them delicately in plain white paper and draws pictures of birds around the edges.

 

She swears from that day forward to protect Kara with everything she has.

 

The tingling in her arm tells her Kara has made the same promise.

 


	3. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday when Lena has her first kiss
> 
> OR
> 
> Sundays are for first kisses, family and friendship

Lena has her first kiss on a Sunday, and it’s everything a first kiss should be. 

 

It’s warm, and soft, and slow, and filled with love, the way a Sunday morning begins. It takes it’s time, and has no other plans or agenda, because Sunday is a day to just  _ be _ . It doesn’t have the intensity or desperation of passion, and somehow, that isn’t missed, not here. It’s hopeful and comforting and safe. She wonders how this could ever be wrong, but there’s a feeling of shame lurking beneath her happiness. Lena isn’t used to being allowed to feel, and definitely isn’t used to being allowed to act on those feelings. Furthermore, she knows this is something she definitely  _ shouldn’t _ be feeling. 

 

They’re older now, finished with 8th grade, having learned to read each other like the pages of their favorite books. Lena gets torn down every other day by her adoptive mother’s critiques and her jealous peers’ jokes, but somehow, Kara is always there to pick up the pieces. Even though Kara has grown more confident, and has made more friends, she is still always fiercely by Lena’s side. Lena is harder around the edges, but not with Kara. Never with Kara. Kara defends her, and believes in her, and Lena feels valuable when she looks at her best friend.

 

She struggles with her feelings, unsure where the line is drawn between best friends and something more. Kara has been the exception to everything she’s ever known -- she’s been trustworthy, loyal, dedicated -- and everything in between. She’s shown her that people can be  _ good _ . Lena just feels so much when she thinks about Kara, that it’s hard to process. The only thing she knows is that her mother would never approve.

 

It happens on a Sunday, and it comes in an attempt to explain. It comes gift wrapped in the form of several secrets finally being revealed. Kara tells her the truth on a Sunday, and it doesn’t necessarily come as a surprise, but it leaves Lena reeling nonetheless. Lena always knew there was something hidden, but she never pushed. She knows Kara, sees her heart, and feels in her soul a connection that transcends time. She always had faith she’d tell when she was ready.

 

It’s summertime, and Lena is sleeping at Kara’s again, because whenever she’s allowed to be away from the Luthors, she jumps at it. She sleeps better when Kara is next to her, telling her stories in her sleepy voice until they both fall under the spell of fatigue. Kara’s steady breathing seems to keep Lena’s nighttime fears away.

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Kara whispers in the dark, and Lena turns over. She looks at her as if seeing her for the first time. She sees the way her eyes are glossy and far away, and she wonders where she goes when she thinks so deeply. They lay facing each other, inches apart, whispering in the dark.

 

“Anything,” Lena whispers back, nodding.

 

“Do you remember the museum, the exhibit on Krypton?” she asks, and Lena nods again.

 

Kara takes a deep breath and tells Lena the truth about her family, and her home. Her real home, on Krypton. She tells her of the pod, her parents’ decision, the explosion, the loss of everything she knew. She tells her about the phantom zone, and the crash landing. She talks in such a way that Lena knows it’s all true, the story is too fantastic to be made up, and it explains everything. She tells her that her real name is Kara Zor-El, and she tells her the significance of the house of El. She mentions her cousin, the one everyone knows, the infamous Superman, whom she hasn’t seen much of since coming to the planet. 

 

It makes Lena’s stomach turn. 

 

Not because they’re aliens, or that she is right about Kara being extraordinarily gifted. She just hates that Kara’s been abandoned twice. 

 

“I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but you’re Lena,” she whispers. “I want you to know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

 

They’re protected by the darkness, hidden from sight, in their own little world, just the two of them. Lena holds out her hand. Kara grips it softly.

 

“Were you scared?” Lena asks, and Kara’s eyes tell her it isn’t the question she expects, but the one that isn’t asked enough.

 

“When it happened, I didn’t have time to process it, not really. My mind went blank. It wasn’t until my pod went off course and I was so alone, and it was so dark, and so quiet, that I thought something awful was going to happen. I didn’t think I’d ever be found. But turns out, I got lucky.” she smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m more scared now, I think. It’s hard to know what to do next, and it’s hard keeping it a secret from everyone.”

 

“You can be scared with me. I’ll help you,” Lena says, “And I’ll never tell anyone. I promise.”

 

She doesn’t have to say it out loud, but she thinks Kara is the bravest person she’s ever known.

 

“There’s something else, too,” Kara’s smile is brighter, and she has the look in her eye that she always gets when she’s excited. “Do you trust me?”

 

Lena nods. Of course she does.

 

Kara climbs out of bed, and Lena doesn’t hesitate to follow. They go outside into the back yard, and Kara pulls her into the woods, deep enough so no one could possibly see them. She smiles at Lena and then crouches down before suddenly bursting forward, launching herself into the sky. She whirls around gracefully, before touching down without a sound.

 

“You can fly!” Lena gasps, startled.  _ Of course she can fly. She just told you she’s related to Superman. _

 

“You’re just like-- you’re just like…” Lena sputters. It’s one thing to hear Kara say it, and another thing entirely to see it in action. 

 

Kara nods excitedly. 

 

“I think I have all the same powers,” she whispers, “Do you want to try?”

 

Lena is terrified, but it’s Kara, and Kara is nothing to be afraid of. She clenches her jaw and nods.

 

Kara smiles and every fear melts away instantly. She steps up to Lena, then, her arms wrapping around the shorter girl’s waist. Lena quirks her eyebrow, questioning, but she places her arms up around Kara’s neck. Kara winks, and before she knows it, they’re floating up through the trees. They’re gliding smoothly, it isn’t the herky jerky movement Lena expects, and she’s pleasantly delighted. She looks around wildly, amazed at the view, the last bit of terror falling away when she feels Kara’s strong arms secure around her waist. They hover around for a few more moments, admiring the tops of trees and the endless canopy of stars, before gracefully touching down. Kara keeps her arms protectively wrapped around her, and Lena isn’t sure if it’s on purpose, but she doesn’t move away.

 

“Isn’t it amazing? It’s my favorite feeling ever!” Kara says. Her impossibly blue eyes lock on Lena’s bright green, and for a second, time stops.

 

They’re quiet, staring at each other, caught in a moment of too many truths. 

 

“Amazing.” Lena whispers. She isn’t sure if she’s talking about flying, or the way her heart is beating out of her chest, or the way the moonlight reflects off Kara’s face in such a way that makes her look a different kind of beautiful.

 

Kara leans forward slowly, a bit unsure, and Lena glances at her lips, wondering what they would feel like on her own for maybe not the first time. Her eyes flutter to meet Kara’s again before she decides to lean forward. Their lips meet ever so slightly, and all the air comes out of Lena’s lungs. She feels like they’re floating again, the way Kara kisses her back giving her the reassurance her lips are welcome. It lasts only a few seconds, but Lena feels Kara’s smile on her own before they part.

 

“Okay, maybe flying is my second favorite feeling ever.” Kara whispers, leaning in to kiss her again.

 

Lena lets herself get lost in the feeling, embracing all that is Kara, and all that is the truth. She feels their connection is sealed on the tips of soft lips, and she thinks finally,  _ finally, _ she has found her home.

 

“Your heart is beating so fast,” Kara says after pulling back, her eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Are you okay?”

 

Lena just bites her lip and nods, and Kara smiles again.

 

It isn’t the last kiss they share, but it also isn’t talked about. It’s just something between them, that sits protected by the darkness, a truth suspended in time. It becomes an understanding that this is just how things are. Lena doesn’t mind, as long as she has Kara, as long as she has this. Saying too many words will shatter the illusion and she isn’t ready for weighty implications. She won’t let herself dwell on what this might mean.

 

“Don’t forget about me when you become a famous superhero.” Lena whispers playfully later, her words tangled in Kara’s hair, the two cuddled in Kara’s bed.

 

Kara giggles.

 

“I could never forget you, Lena. Not in a million years,” she says, and then after a pause, she whispers, “ _ El Mayarah” _

 

“What does that mean?” Lena asks, the words sounding strangely beautiful on Kara’s tongue.

 

“It’s Kryptonian, it was our family motto. It means ‘Stronger together’. Like us now.” she says.

 

Lena repeats it, feeling the new language on her lips, ones that still tingle from where Kara’s had just been. She closes her eyes and smiles, and has dreams of flying amongst the stars.

* * *

 

Several weeks later, Lena gets a horrible cold, but fortunately, it happens on a Sunday. Most kids her age would be angry at having their weekend wasted in bed, but Lena is thankful. A poorly timed illness that doesn’t result in missing at least a day of school is entirely bad luck, but not having to concentrate or worry about grades is a blessing. She knows time off from school is not in the Luthor vocabulary, so feeling under the weather is best done on a day reserved for comfort food and long movies. 

 

On this particular Sunday, Lionel and Lillian have a corporate gala event to attend, one that Lex and Lena are expected to show their faces at. Unfortunately, Lena’s unrelenting coughing spells put a damper on the plan. Lillian insists she stays home, terrified what an incubus of viral plague would do if let loose around a Luthor Corp sponsored event, and Lena is grateful to be excused.

 

Later, after everyone is gone and she’s left alone, she’s curled up in the den, watching her favorite movie, when she hears tapping on the door. Curious, she creeps upstairs and peeks through the window. There, with a huge smile and a bag of who knows what, is Kara. Lena smiles and waves to her, before falling into a long heaving bout of coughs. She opens the door with a sheepish smile, her face flushed with fever, her long black hair sitting in matted wavy ringlets around her face.

 

“Kara! What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice raspy and strained. “You shouldn’t come too close, I don’t want to get you sick.”

 

Kara looks at her with concern before her eyes brighten.

 

“I don’t get sick! Well, not on this planet anyway. Alien, remember?” she giggles, and Lena can’t help but smile, finally being allowed to know something so intricate about her best friend.

 

“I still forget sometimes,” she grins, opening the door and gesturing Kara to come in. “How’d you know I wasn’t feeling well?”

 

“I know these things,” she points to her head, like she has some kind of alien sense, and Lena just rolls her eyes. “I thought I could cheer you up! I brought you soup. Eliza helped me make it. She always makes it for Alex when she’s sick so...I thought it’d help you too. What hurts?” she narrows her eyes and scans over Lena’s body, but it isn’t intrusive or rude, it’s careful and particular. Like she’s searching for answers in order to heal.

 

“My throat, and my head. I think I have a fever. Thank you for the soup, Kara. We can heat it up and then watch a movie, okay?” Lena says, shivering slightly with a sudden chill. Kara closes the door and moves close to her, watching her with concern in her eyes, like Lena is suddenly extremely fragile, about to break at any minute.

 

They heat up the soup and head back to the den, the scent of warm chicken broth and carrots wafting through the air. Lena sighs. If she has to be sick, this is how she’d choose to spend her day. They curl up under blankets, and Lena snuggles firmly into Kara, who is extra warm and wards off the chills. She presses play and the movie resumes. It’s Star Wars, and it’s Lex and Lena’s favorite. 

 

Kara studies the screen with a crinkled brow. 

 

“Lena, this isn’t even remotely close to what outer space looks like! Did they even try?” Kara asks, exasperated, and Lena just shakes her head, amused.

 

“How exactly would they know better?” Lena quirks her eyebrow and smirks, “It isn’t like George Lucas was able to visit Krypton.”

 

“Still! It’s all wrong! Are those supposed to be aliens? What kind of alien looks like that?” she points to one of the humanoids on the screen and grimaces.

 

“You aren’t quite what I’d expect an alien to look like either,” Lena says and Kara’s cheeks flush, “And definitely not how I’d think they’d behave. For one, you’re way too sassy.”

 

“I thought you weren’t feeling well,” Kara grins, placing the back of her hand on Lena’s forehead to test her temperature. “Your fever clearly hasn’t ruined your attitude.”

 

“Kara, this is one of the coolest movie franchises ever! They have lightsabers and drones and they fight intergalactic battles. Just wait, you’ll really like the parts about special powers. They talk about harnessing the Force, and using skills for good. Kind of like you, when you’re not being annoying.” she pokes her in the ribs and Kara huffs in mock displeasure.

 

It doesn’t take long before Kara’s eyes are glued to the screen, her mouth wide open in wonder, falling under the spell that comes with Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader and the Millennium Falcon. Lena glances over at her after she’s been suspiciously quiet and can’t help but smile smugly at her excited expression. 

 

The first movie ends and Kara looks at her expectantly. 

 

“That can’t be how it ends! Are there more?” she asks, her eyes wide and needy.

 

“I told you.” Lena whispers drowsily, rolling her eyes and handing Kara the second disc. 

 

Lena falls asleep in the middle of the second movie, and wakes up hours later to an empty couch and the sounds of Lex snoring in the chair nearby. The credits are rolling on the screen, and an empty soup bowl is left on the table. With a grimace, Lena stands up and shuffles off to her room.

 

On her pillow she finds a card with Kara’s signature stick figures on the front -- a raven haired Lena holding a green lightsaber with a goofy pencil smile and a yellow haired Kara holding a blue lightsaber, a matching overeager smile. Underneath it says _ “Forces for Good”. _ The inside reads:  _ El Mayarah.  _ _ Feel better, Lena _ .

* * *

 

The following week is business as usual. Typically, Sundays are the rare days that Lionel and Lillian shorten their work day. It isn’t a day off, it isn’t a family day, and it isn’t known for rest, but even the Luthors take a breath on a Sunday. Lena is used to studying and reading, avoiding trouble and, if she’s lucky, spending time with the only other person in the world she’s comfortable around, her brother, Lex.

 

He’s the other person besides Kara who manages to keep Lena’s spirit from cracking under the enormous pressure of her life. From day one, he has been a constant pillar of strength for her, and Lena thinks Lex can do no wrong. He’s kind, and patient, and tells funny stories, but more than that, he listens. He’s the person she runs to when she has nightmares, though ever since Kara has come along, she’ll admit they’ve subsided. He encourages Lena to try new things, and he teaches her all the facts he knows, which are a lot because he’s wildly brilliant. He’s always amused when Lena manages to outsmart him, which is happening more and more the older she gets. They just finished putting together their first computer entirely from scratch, following a detailed schematic, but Lena took it apart and rebuilt it in two days from memory and Lex just shook his head and smiled. He’s Lillian’s favorite, but he never holds it over Lena’s head, and always tries to be there to smooth things over when Lillian is particularly rough on her. The Luthors are a hard family to fit into, but Lex makes it bearable. 

 

They’re playing chess one Sunday night, the study dark except for the glow of the fire. It’s their usual routine, and Lex studies the board, smirking.

 

“Lena, why are you always the white pieces? Every time we play, you always insist,” he asks, looking at her curiously. 

 

She shrugs.

 

“Whenever I play with the dark pieces, I always lose,” Lena frowns, studying the board. “The white knight is my lucky piece.”

 

“Chess isn’t a game of luck, you know that,” Lex says, his head tilted in thought. “It’s the same game, no matter what pieces you use.”

 

“No, it’s not. You have to believe in the cause,” she says seriously, looking up at him, a glint in her eye, “and the white knight is a hero.”

 

She moves her piece and grins, as Lex stares at the board harshly.

 

_ Checkmate. _

 

Sundays at the Danvers’ house, when she’s allowed to visit, is a wildly different affair. Where Lena has to be buttoned up and quiet at home, Kara’s house is where she gets to just be Lena. It’s the first time people accept her without expectation -- she doesn’t have to win, or prove herself, or try -- she just has to be Lena, and it’s enough. At first, she doesn’t know what that means, her life up to this point a series of trying and failing to become a Luthor. But she catches on soon enough, and even Alex finally stops giving her grief for being “a walking brain”. 

 

“Lena, I didn’t know you owned a pair of jeans,” Alex quips one day when Lena arrives, finally dressing in something casual around the Danvers house. “I like it,” she adds, smiling. 

 

Lena’s face flushes, and she grins at Alex. It feels like she’s got a sister now, and Alex’s acceptance means everything to her. They head to the kitchen, where Kara is setting up a Monopoly game in between bites of what Lena can only assume is her fifth slice of pizza. Playing games with Kara’s family is not nearly as rigorous as with Lex. Board game nights at the Danvers’ is more an excuse to order take out and tell jokes instead of actually concentrating on the game. It boggled Lena’s mind the first few times she was invited, how no one seemed to care too much about the outcome, except for Alex, who has a competitive streak that Lena respects. Lena loves the way she can relax, and how easy the laughter comes, and the way Kara looks at her across the table, like everything she says is worth listening to.

 

“Kara, on what planet do you trade property on Park Ave for a railroad?” Alex groans, rolling her eyes as Kara makes yet another foolish investment. The room goes awkwardly quiet, Eliza and Jeremiah exchanging knowing looks, as Lena registers the comment.

 

“Clearly this one, Alex. I just did it.” Kara grins, looking at Lena with her sparkling eyes. Everyone laughs forcefully, thinking they’ve successfully covered up a potential blunder. 

 

It happens constantly, and Lena finds it endlessly amusing. Alex thinks she’s so good at keeping Kara’s identity a secret, but Lena thinks even if Kara never told her, she would know it by now anyway. Kara and Lena always laugh about it later, retelling the awkward slip ups and the way Lena has to feign ignorance. It becomes a running joke, and Lena loves being part of something real. Sometimes, Lena can’t resist making her own jokes at Alex’s expense just to see her reaction.

 

“Lena, you eat pizza right?” Alex says, opening the last remaining box and glancing over her shoulder.

 

“Well, I am human.” Lena says, rolling her eyes at Alex and reaching for a plate. She notices the hitch in her breath, as Alex fakes a cough.

 

After too many rounds of Monopoly without a winner, and more pizza than she could possibly fit in her stomach, Kara and Lena retreat to the den to play one last game. Kara has gotten to be ridiculously good at chess, but she’s never beaten Lena again after that first time.  _ Beginner’s luck _ , Lena had said, and Kara only smiled. 

 

“Can I be the white pieces this time? I’m always the dark ones, and they remind me of chocolate. I get too hungry to concentrate.” Kara whines, and Lena laughs. She shakes her head.

 

“You’re ridiculous.” she says, continuing to set up the board, her white knight in his usual place of honor.

 

“Please! You’re never the dark pieces. I think this game is rigged.” Kara jokes, and Lena looks at her quizzically. 

 

“It’s just a superstition,” Lena says, shrugging. “My father taught me about white knight investors, and I like to think I’m crusading for good.” Lena smiles.

 

“Hm. That makes sense,” Kara’s face twists in thought, “Although, you can’t really have one without the other.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, I just think of it this way. You wouldn’t have darkness without the light, otherwise everything would be the same color all the time. It’s a balance. Sometimes it isn’t always obvious which way to go.”

 

Lena ponders the implications.

 

“Like making a sacrifice for the greater good,” Kara continues, her eyes wistful and deep, “You still destroy something, but it isn’t necessarily for evil. What color knight is that?”

 

Lena’s eyebrows furrow in thought. She stares at the board, her mind whirling with new perspective.

 

“I think you’ve got me in a checkmate, Kara.” her lips twist in a pout as she turns the board around, relinquishing her previously coveted color.

 

Kara smiles in delight, and they set about to playing.

 

In record time, Lena is moving her dark knight expertly around and knocking Kara’s king off the board.

 

“Lenaaaaa…” Kara whines, “You still beat me.”

 

“She says with surprise in her voice for some reason.” Lena quirks her eyebrow and grins.

 


	4. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is sent away on a Monday
> 
> OR
> 
> Boarding School, Aliens, and New Relationships
> 
> Buckle up, here we go.

Lena is sent away on a Monday.

 

The problem with weekends is that they end. The calmness of Sunday night gives way to frantic, caffeinated Monday morning, and brings with it the weight and anxiety of pressure and doubt. No one ever wakes up happy to find that it’s Monday, and if they do, they’re blatantly lying. High school starts on a Monday, and it’s the beginning of a very complicated, long journey, just like the start of every week. Lena knows that being a Luthor means every day is Monday, they’re the expected, the routine, the normal. Living for weekends is a fantasy best never discussed. The same can be said for weaknesses. Weaknesses aren’t discussed because there simply isn’t time to have any. If any are present, they must be eliminated. Fast.

 

The Luthors meet Kara early enough in their friendship, but Lena sees Lillian’s eyes darken each time Kara comes around. She watches how she studies her, how her lips purse when Kara speaks. She feels the contempt radiating off her skin, like heatwaves off the concrete sidewalk. The happier Kara is, the more she laughs, the more she makes Lena’s heart flutter -- the darker Lillian’s face becomes.

 

Lex is fascinated by Kara, and at first, Lena thinks he has a crush. She finds it endearing, if not a bit odd, until she realizes he’s studying her with the same intensity that Lillian seems to have. It isn’t the look of infatuation, but of calculating contempt and mild hints of scorn. Every awkward sentence, every clumsy act stands out tenfold in the Luthor home. Lena knows instantly that the Luthors suspect Kara isn’t one of them. She tries to avoid bringing her around without raising Kara’s suspicion, but it’s harder than it seems.

 

“Your friend Kara is funny,” Lex says one night, looking up from his book as Lena walks into the study to do some reading of her own. “She has such a carefree demeanor. I’m almost jealous.”

 

Lena watches him carefully, but it’s Lex, and despite the way he seems to scrutinize Kara, he’s still good at heart.

 

“She does,” Lena hums in agreement. “She’s fun.”

 

“She makes you happy,” Lex muses, nodding thoughtfully, closing his book altogether and placing it on the table. “You deserve friends like that. It isn’t fair to be so serious all the time.”

 

Lena smiles, and she feels like maybe Lex is still on her side.

 

The anxiety doesn’t abate overnight. Lena still feels it clawing at her, always under the surface. She’s older now, and very aware of the complex inner-workings of the family business. She sees the way Lionel works hard to harmonize alien technology with human invention, but always keeps a cautious distance the way one would treat more hostile negotiations. She studies how Lex is falling deeper into obsession about alien life, fascinated by their abilities, driven to duplicate the same in his research. She cringes at Lillian’s hard-hearted remarks about aliens beginning to impact Earth’s very livelihood, bringing chaos and disease.  

 

It’s enough to keep her awake at night pondering her own feelings. On one hand, she understands the dangers these foreign visitors could potentially pose. They often possess otherworldly power and superior intellect, a combination that is lethal in the wrong mind or spirit. She’s learned from her studies that they are often fleeing dangerous home planets, seeking asylum on Earth, something she can sympathize with. The question remains, however, whether they remain peaceful or overthrow the planet. The endgame isn’t always obvious. She supports being cautious and guarded, and wants to protect herself, but like her chess pieces, the answer isn’t black or white.

 

Kara’s face comes to mind, then, and she struggles to see how something so pure of heart could be considered dangerous. She thinks about the way her forehead crinkles with worry and her smile is so easy and gentle. She thinks about her extraordinary gifts and how she is cautious all the time, the way she’s contained and careful and eager to help. She thinks of the way she broke down when she thought she had caused Lena harm.

 

There may be bad aliens out there, but Kara Zor-El is not one of them.

 

Lena spends weeks in a self-contained whirlwind of emotion, trying to act the part that’s laid out of her, but secretly wishing she could break free and make up her own mind. She knows Lillian is up to something, because she hasn’t been on her case as closely as usual. Whenever Lena is left to her own devices, it means trouble is coming.

 

It comes on a Monday.

 

“What do you mean, a new school? Why?” Lena says incredulously. Lex attends a prestigious boarding school in Connecticut, but Lena never imagined the Luthors would push her to follow a similar path. The tears come faster than she can control, but she tries. Her lips quiver, her jaw clenches hard enough that the little muscles in her face are pulsing with fear.

 

“Lena, what have we talked about? You are so theatrical, all these histrionics. Honestly, I’m only doing what’s best for you,” Lillian stares at her, unaffected by Lena’s tears. “One day, you’ll thank me. Think of all the opportunities! You really should be more grateful. That public school is no place for you.”

 

“But my friends are here!” Lena hears herself whining, but she doesn’t care. Her tears are threatening to spill over, growing warm and hot behind her eyes. She feels desperate, out of control, and she hates it.

 

She knows she has no choice, and she hates that even more.

 

“These types of… _individuals_ you hang out with will drag you down. They will only lead to one thing. Ruin,” Lillian spits the word _individual_ in such a way that Lena’s stomach drops. “They aren’t the company you need to be keeping.”

 

“How can Kara hurt me--”

 

“Kara isn’t who I’m referring to. Lena, don’t be so daft, it’s unbecoming,” Lillian drawls, rolling her eyes in the way she always has when speaking to Lena. “It will take someone with half a brain five minutes to see your weakness and use it against you, and she _is_ a weakness. You walk around with your heart on your sleeve, like you have nothing to lose. You are foolish, and easily played. And this will stop.” Lillian glares at her, signaling an end to the conversation. “You may be adopted, but you represent this family and I will not have you dragging our name through the mud, is that clear?”

 

Lena cries herself to sleep. She tells Kara the news in a note left in the tree, because she doesn’t want to see her face when she tells her she’s leaving. No sooner does she write it than she’s packed up and on her way to school.

 

Kara comes to her anyway.

 

She lands in the woods and runs through the trails, showing up at Lena’s new dorm room the night after she moves in.

 

“Kara what are you--” Lena no sooner opens the door then her Kryptonian best friend has her arms flung around her neck. Lena melts at the contact. She wants to resist hugging her, but she can’t. She can never resist Kara. She pulls her closer and breathes a sigh of relief into her hair.

 

“Did you really think you could leave without saying goodbye?” Kara whimpers, and Lena’s heart breaks just a little more.

 

“I thought it would be easier,” Lena says, stepping back from Kara and studying her face. She runs her fingers through Kara’s wild hair. “Did you fly here?” she whispers, careful to close the door so they can be alone, away from prying ears.

 

“Of course I did.” Kara puffs her chest out proudly. Lena frowns.

 

“Kara, you have to be careful. What if someone saw you?”

 

“It’s night time...and besides, I’m getting really good. I’m already faster than I was last summer!” She’s so excited and Lena can’t help but grin. “And I brought you something!” She reaches into her backpack and pulls out a bag of donuts from their favorite shop.

 

“You came all this way… to give me donuts?” Lena quirks her eyebrow, but reaches for the bag anyway.

 

“That’s what friends are for.” Kara beams at her and Lena’s chest aches a little less.

 

She doesn’t tell Kara about her mother’s warnings, or her brother’s curious questions. She keeps it buried to protect Kara from her family, and from her. She does warn her about coming too often, though, and it makes Kara’s shoulders sag.

 

“You know I want you here, Kara, it’s just--” Lena can’t find the right words to make it sound sincere. “There will be so many questions, and this is the last place you want someone to catch wind of your ...powers.” She whispers the last part, gesturing over Kara’s form, and Kara grins slightly.

 

“You sound like Alex, always worrying,” Kara shakes her head, her eyes sparkling. “Okay Lena fine, I won’t come too often. But promise you won’t forget about me?”

 

“I could never forget about you.” Lena pulls her in close, placing a gentle kiss on her soft lips.

 

It feels so natural, like a reflex, and Lena doesn’t even think to question it anymore. Kara is brightness and strength, and she reminds her what it means to be happy. She feels like she can never get close enough, but when their lips touch, she can almost feel Kara’s power radiating through her body. It helps her keep the darkness away.

 

“And if you need me ---” Kara begins, but Lena just kisses her harder.

* * *

 School begins and Lena is miserable. She’s alone, and she misses Kara desperately. They still write notes to each other, and even though Kara now has an extended commute, she never fails to leave tokens for Lena in a hidden garden around the corner from Lena’s dorm. Lena shakes her head, knowing Kara is somewhat keeping her promise by not popping up during daylight hours, but she’s still risking herself in order to make Lena smile. She wants to tell her no, but she can’t. Somehow they always remain connected, but it hurts.

 

She calls Kara one day, just to hear her voice.

 

“Hey Lena!” Kara says, answering on the first ring, her voice cheerful and bright, “I miss you!”

 

“I miss you too,” Lena says, softly. She’s sitting at the desk in her room, staring at her open books, holding one of Kara’s scribbled notes. She’s willing the tears to stay away. “What are you doing?” She can hear laughter in the background and her heart sinks.

 

Not because she wants Kara to be miserable like her. It’s just another reminder of how alone she really is.

 

“I’m with Alex and her friends, we stopped at the mall. They want to go look at clothes but I’m starving.” she grumbles, and Lena smiles, imagining Kara’s hangry pout.

 

“Well they better feed you soon, no one likes you when you’re hungry.” Lena says and Kara giggles.

 

She hears more noise in the background and Kara starts talking to someone else who must have walked up.

 

“Sorry Lena, I have to go, but I’ll talk to you soon ok! Bye!” she hangs up.

 

Lena stares at the phone and sighs.

 

It’s a rainy Monday during her second year when Veronica Sinclair asks Lena for her homework. It’s just as ominous as the weather. The girl isn’t nice. She isn’t kind, she isn’t funny, and she isn’t good. But she’s popular in her own right, and beautiful in a sharp way. Her family is powerful, the kind that the Luthors would certainly associate with. Her eyes are dark, and she’s intimidating enough for Lena to oblige.

 

It starts a complicated alliance. They aren’t friends, not really, but they aren’t enemies, either. It’s a relationship that keeps other people from crossing Lena ever again. Veronica’s twisted cynicism teaches Lena how to stand her ground. She stops letting people bully her, and she starts using her wits to her advantage. The walls begin to go up, and her innocence begins to subside. Lena knows she’s being manipulated, but the alternative is being alone. She idolizes Veronica and despises her in the way most girls rationalize their feelings.

 

She’s playing with fire, and she thinks of Kara. She thinks of the way her friendship with Kara is so natural and pure, and the way this is nothing like that. This reminds her of a business deal wrapped in complications, something to use to advance her name. Lillian would be proud, if she were capable of such a feeling.

 

The thought makes Lena’s stomach curdle with disgust.

 

Things take an interesting turn when Lena finds herself becoming more enraptured. For weeks, there’s a strange tension, and she doesn’t know how she feels, everything is twisted and confused and charged with a new energy. There’s a back and forth of power between them, their conversations heavy with flirtatious overtones and suggestive jokes giving away to lingering touches and too-long gazes. Veronica has a sinister darkness, and Lena can’t help but find it strangely intoxicating and attractive. She lets Veronica kiss her one night. It’s the wrong kind of kiss, but some part of it feels right. Her lips are soft, but forceful, and she doesn’t take her time. Lena feels like a conquest, a notch in someone else’s belt, but it feels good to be wanted for a minute.

 

When Lena closes her eyes she can almost imagine the right person in front of her. She has blonde hair, and she smells like lavender and she reminds Lena of a real home.

 

There are whispers around school about Lena, but they’re different now, her last name a calling card for admirers and users alike. It doesn’t help that the building that houses the science labs is named after Luthor Corp, or that one of the dorm buildings sports a heavily engraved sign reading “Lionel E. Luthor Hall”. She’s put on a powerful pedestal, and respected, even feared, for the first time in her life. She isn’t used to positive attention, but now suddenly everyone seems to want something from her. Even Veronica. Especially Veronica.

 

“Lena, I need you to track down these girls, they owe me money,” Veronica says casually one day, handing over a list of names, rolling her eyes. “Good for nothings, thinking they can get something for nothing. Pathetic.”

 

They’re in the common area of the dorm, an ornately designed Victorian style room with old fashioned couches and desks from another generation. It feels decorative, like a museum, instead of functional, and Lena always feels like an intruder. It reminds her of the Luthor mansion, the way it never truly gets warm.

 

“What? Why me? Don’t you have some other lackey to run your errands?” Lena smirks and scans the list, her eyebrows furrowed. She glances up and watches Veronica carefully. She already knows this is dangerous territory, but she feels trapped.

 

“You know, if you’re not going to use your last name for what it’s worth, then at least allow someone else to do it,” Veronica says, sneering. “Honestly, Lena. You’re smarter than you act. It’s embarrassing.”

 

“What’s the money for?” Lena is wary, but she has some ideas.

 

“Does that brain of yours ever turn off?” Veronica kisses her, and Lena’s head spins. She stops asking questions.

 

Kara comes over the following week, because they agree that a visit once in awhile isn’t terribly suspicious. Lena wants to be happy, but she feels lost, like Kara is still so far away. She’s a reminder of another life, one that Lena never realized was so happy. Compared to now, it was perfect.

 

Veronica meets Kara and it’s awkward at best. Kara is warm and welcoming, offering her hand out in introduction, smiling in the face of a sneer. Veronica is wearing the same face Lillian always got around Kara -- vague amusement and faint disgust -- before holding a limp hand out to pacify the gesture. Lena’s cheeks are crimson, and she wishes she was anywhere but here.

 

“So you’re Lena’s best friend from home?” Veronica’s voice is icy, her tone laced with judgment, “I can’t say I’m surprised.” She gives Kara a once-over and smirks. Kara is severely out of place with her jeans, t-shirt and sneakers next to the navy boarding school blazers and designer purses.

 

Kara grins, looking at Lena and back to Veronica, either unaware of the insult, or choosing to ignore it.

 

Kara plops down on Lena’s bed and starts rambling about school, and her new friends, and her sister. She’s talking about happy things like science fairs and holiday plans, and Lena just feels herself retreating further and further. She wants Kara to be the happiest person in the world, she deserves every bit of it. But she can’t help but feel bitter at missing out on so much of it. The self-loathing is back in full force. Veronica is staring at Kara like she’s a fresh kill, and it’s making Lena feel even worse.

 

“Well this is all really...quaint, but I have to go,” Veronica mumbles as soon as Kara takes a pause, “Lena, don’t forget the list, I need that done by tomorrow.” She stands up and trails her fingers over Lena’s shoulder just long enough to make a point, staring at Kara the entire time.

 

Kara’s jaw is clenched, and her eyes are wide. Lena can see the wheels turning in Kara’s head. She puts it together and her face goes through a journey of realization. Veronica smirks as she closes the door.

 

“List?” she asks quietly, her voice slightly cracking. “What’s that?” It isn’t the question Lena expects she wants to ask, but it’s what comes out anyway.

 

“It’s nothing, just a...project.” Lena stammers, and she knows Kara can see through her lies. All of her lies.

 

They’re quiet for a minute before Kara speaks again. Her tone is quiet, but firm.

 

“I don’t like her, Lena,” Kara’s jaw clenches and she shakes her head. “I have a very weird feeling.” It’s said like a plea, a desperate warning.

 

Lena waves her hand dismissively.

 

“It’s nothing, that’s just Veronica,” she says, and Kara purses her lips and nods. She doesn’t push, but her eyes are sharp with concern. She changes the subject.

 

“There’s a new exhibit at the planetarium,” she says carefully, “it’s virtual reality and it’s awesome. We need to check it out. They have meteor showers and you can simulate walking on the moon!” She smiles, attempting to get Lena to return it. “I’ve done that before, by the way. Not as hard as they make it sound.”

 

“Maybe not for you,” Lena grins halfheartedly. “I don’t know, Kar. I’ll have to see, I just have a lot of work to do.” Lena sighs, not meeting Kara’s eyes. She’s sitting at her desk, face buried in a notebook, but really just for the purpose of avoiding the conversation.

 

“You’re always so busy now.” Kara’s shoulders slump, and she frowns slightly. She’s picking at the blanket on Lena’s bed, the one Eliza made as a gift for Lena last summer.

 

“We liked that stuff when we were younger,” Lena says, even though it’s not true. They like the same stuff now, too. “I just don’t have the time for it anymore.”

 

“I didn’t know science had an expiration date,” Kara huffs, staring hard at Lena, as if she can see right through her. Technically, she can, Lena supposes. “Alright. What kinds of things do you like now, then?”

 

Lena shrugs. She doesn’t like much of anything anymore. She studies, and reads, and studies some more. She stresses over grades, and picks up the phone every other day to Lillian’s voice reminding her how grateful she should be. Nothing is good enough, not awards or honor societies, and Lena is struggling to maintain expectations. She’s still fascinated by science, but no one here seems to understand the way Kara does, so she’s used to curbing her enthusiasm. Veronica just laughs and tells Lena that no one is impressed by book smarts, it’s all about attitude. Lena agrees, to an extent. People listen to her more now when she refuses to show her hand, instead of the over-explaining she used to do.

 

Kara nods at Lena’s silence, her eyebrows raising in sarcastic realization.

 

“So people here don’t like anything,” she says sharply, her tone more shrill than her usual gentle demeanor. “You’re trying so hard to impress these snobs. Why?”

 

“So that I don’t have to go another day with whispers behind my back, and insults thrown in my face,” Lena spits, and she’s angry now, but not at Kara. She’s angry at everything else, and being alone, but somehow Kara is the only one she can spar with. “I can’t just walk around smiling at everyone, having them automatically like me. That’s your thing. I’m alone here, so I do what I have to do. I’m a Luthor.”

 

She says it with contempt, like it’s supposed to explain all her behaviors. She knows deep down it’s a bad excuse for how she’s acting, but in that moment, she’s too ticked off to care.

 

Kara shakes her head sadly. She gets up slowly and walks over to where Lena is sitting.

 

“Be your own person,” Kara stands in front of her, impossibly close, and Lena wants to reach out and hold her, but she resists. “You’re great the way you are, with or without that heavy last name and all of it’s powerful implications. This isn’t the girl I know. The girl I know can spin circles around these people. She can do calculations in her sleep and she loves creating things and helping people. She isn’t a robot with no feelings.”

 

Lena bites back every rude remark and every emotion and stares at Kara, the words deflecting off her like bullets against steel. Kara’s presence is a mirror for Lena to see her reflection with, and today she hates what she sees. She forces a smile to mask her self hatred, her cheeks dimpling with a grimace.

 

“I think you should probably just go. I’m tired, and I don’t want to talk about this.” Lena stares at Kara and watches her expression break. She can see her own heart breaking in the reflection of Kara’s eyes.

 Kara nods slowly and walks out, closing the door gently behind her.

 

She flies away on a Monday, and takes Lena’s heart with her.

* * *

They don’t speak for a few weeks, but nightmares always come on Mondays.

 

Lena begins having terrible dreams again, similar to the ones she had when she first arrived at the Luthors. They’re cold, and dark, filled with cobwebs and damp corners, and there’s never anyone there to hear her scream. She stops sleeping much altogether to avoid the sense of dread overtaking her, and instead stays up getting lost in the pages of her books.

 

The only person who understands nightmares better than Lena is Kara.

 

It’s 3AM and Lena’s phone starts buzzing. She feels it pressed against her leg where it must have fallen and gotten tangled in her covers before she fell asleep, glasses askew on her nose, book splayed across her chest. She had been typing out a text message to Kara for hours, unsure what to say or how to apologize. Nothing seemed to fit, especially in such an informal way, but the hole in her heart is growing too big to ignore.

 

She fumbles around and sees the contact picture light up the screen. A blonde with ice cream on her nose and a smile that can be seen from space, her arm thrown around a beaming dark haired girl hiding her eyes under aviators.

 

Kara.

 

“Kar? What’s wrong?” Lena answers, her voice raspy and laced with sleep.

 

There’s shuffling and hesitance, before a voice on the other end replies.

 

“Did I wake you?” She sounds shaky and small, and Lena knows immediately she’s had the nightmare again.

 

“No, I don’t sleep, I’m a vampire,” Lena says, a joke they always make when calling in the middle of the night. She hopes it’s enough to let Kara know she’s sorry, and it’s okay to call. “I’m here.”

 

Kara lets out a soft huff of a laugh before the sobs come.

 

“Oh Kara, it’s okay. I promise it’s okay. Was it the dream again?” Lena asks, her heart dropping at the sounds of Kara’s cries.

 

She has the nightmare frequently, though it’s gotten better over the years. She tells Lena it’s like reliving the explosion of Krypton every time, with subtle nuances each version. Last time involved Alex being lost forever in the phantom zone. She can only imagine what variation has Kara curled up around herself tonight.

 

“It’s always so real. It’s so bad--” She dissolves in more tears, her breaths coming shallow and fast. “You were in it. You were so angry at me. I couldn’t find my way…..I’m so scared, Lena,” she finally says and Lena has to bite back her own tears.

 

“I’m here, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m not angry. I’m so sorry. This is because I was such a bitch to you when you were here.” She wishes Kara was with her so she could hold her close and wipe the tears. Instead, she has to do the next best thing. She talks her down for a few minutes, enough to get the sobs under control.

 

“Kara, would you like me to read to you? I have that book you love. I’ll read it to you until you fall asleep again, okay?”

 

Kara sniffles on the other end and Lena can visualize her nodding.

 

She pulls out her copy of _the Odyssey_ , the Greek epoch that Kara’s been obsessing over ever since she learned about mythology last year. She begins to read until she can hear Kara’s steady breathing through the phone. She slowly lays back down, but keeps the phone connected, just in case.

 

She wakes up the next morning to a text.

 

 _[Kara]:_ youre my best friend... i love you

 

She pauses and rereads, once, twice, several times, the words etching themselves on her steady pounding heart.

 

 _[Lena]:_ me too

  
She wants desperately to say the words back, her complicated feelings twisted around second guesses and doubts. She loves Kara in any way she’s allowed to love her, and that is enough. She knows it doesn’t mean the same thing the way Kara tosses it out, so she bites back and practices the control she’s always been taught.


	5. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lionel Luthor dies on a Tuesday
> 
> OR
> 
> Funerals, Luthors and Junkyard cars (+ Lena's revenge)

Lionel Luthor dies on a Tuesday, and an empire shifts onto different shoulders.

 

The news comes early, a pre-dawn phone call and a shocking revelation. It’s fitting that time waits for no one, and so the same goes for death. Tuesday is a day to jump into action, with the steady climb of the week only beginning, rattling along a bumpy, winding road. It’s the most productive day, even in the summer, because Luthors don’t take vacations. Lena is toiling over extra classes and Luthor Corp projects, buzzing with kinetic energy and caffeine. The phone call stops her in her tracks.

 

There were no warning signs, no visible health scares, it’s a collapse as sudden as a gunshot. A heart attack, they say, and with the news, Lena somehow knows what that feels like. Heavy destruction has a habit of laying dormant for years, and Lionel Luthor’s arteries hold no exception. Her father wasn’t perfect, but he was a good man, and he tried the best he could to be there for Lena. He taught her about business, and how to make savvy deals. He taught her about investments, and the best way to diversify a portfolio. He taught her languages and contracts, business operations and finance. He taught her to guard her interests, and protect her value. He smelled of vanilla pipe tobacco and printer ink, and he was the closest thing she had to a father.

 

She returns home, numb, cold, and overwhelmed. Lena doesn’t actually know how to feel, because Lillian refuses to look her in the eye, as if Lionel’s death is somehow her fault. It’s another thing to add to the already too-long list of painful issues she seems to bring about. Lex is somber and strong, his eyes flashing with a cool determination, the newly appointed head of Luthor Corp. The funeral is long and buttoned up, a corporate affair with a eulogy, and afterwards, Lena feels empty and lost.

 

Lex pulls her aside a few nights later, and sits her down in their father’s study. Lionel’s reading glasses are left delicately balanced on an open book, an eery symbol of his departure. Lex sits at his desk, a tribute to his new status, and stares at his sister with dark, sad eyes. He slides her an envelope.

 

“It’s supposed to be yours, one day,” he says, and his voice cracks slightly with emotion.

 

Lena opens the letter and reads the terms of Lionel’s will, appointing her as the true heir of Luthor Corp. Her hands are shaking.

 

“But, I couldn’t -- it’s yours--” She trails off, and Lex smiles kindly.

 

“We both know you’d make a better CEO than I ever would. I’m just holding everything together in the interim, until you’re ready. It will be here waiting for you, I promise.”

 

“But Mother…” Lena’s stomach drops. Lillian will never have it. There must be a mistake.

 

“Mother is surprisingly open to the idea, provided she remains on the board. There will be details to work out, to be sure, but it’s yours, Lena. You will do great things. You’re going to raise the Luthor name to new heights. I’ll still be there with you. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” He grins, one of his supportive brotherly smiles and Lena can’t help but beam back at him.

 

Maybe she can be a Luthor after all.

 

“What does Clark think of all this?” she asks, suddenly remembering Lex’s newest confidante, and right hand man.

 

Clark is Lex’s best friend from college, though the two bicker like brothers these days over Luthor Corp’s stronghold on the local media. He’s a reporter for the Daily Planet, and a crusader for the truth, but he’s surprisingly loyal to Lex despite their differing worldviews. Lena is confident she knows who he really is, though she can’t gauge if Lex has any suspicion. It should be obvious, what with the way he seems so cognizant of Kara, but he constantly demonizes Superman in front of Clark as if the two couldn’t possibly be one in the same.

 

Clark’s identity is not a conversation she’s willing to have, not now, not ever. It’s still a tumultuous time for Earth’s conflict with aliens, opinions dividing friends and families alike. Lena hears the whispers, and sees the snarls in the street when those from other worlds go about their day. She sees the wide eyes of curious children, and she listens to the conspiracy theories with disgusted amusement. Her own heart rages, fighting a battle against an opponent she hasn’t decided on.

 

Kara doesn’t know about Clark and Lex, and Lena feels it’s best left for another time. Kal-El hasn’t been the most receptive to Kara, and the whole situation leaves Lena bewildered. This is the part she hates. She hates the way she resents Kal for turning his back on Kara. It’s what makes choosing a side next to impossible. Grouping together all aliens into one category seems stunted, and narrow. She looks at Kal and Kara as her prime example, two aliens, two very different souls, one former planet. She plays off her feelings by making jokes and acting normal, despite the pit in her stomach about the secret Kryptonian she keeps hidden in her own life.

 

“He knows you’re smarter than me,” Lex chuckles and shakes his head, “He thinks it’s great, because I can work on my side inventions full time when you finally take over. It gives him more intricate stories to write. Besides, the business side is such a headache.” Lex pours himself a glass of scotch and swirls it wistfully. He glances knowingly at Lena.

 

“Oh am I hiring Clark for PR as well?” Lena cocks her eyebrow and throws him a smirk, and Lex laughs. “Thanks for this, Lex. Really. This was unexpected, but I’m honored.”

 

He pours another glass and passes it over to her.

 

“To us,” he says, holding it up, “May the Luthor legacy live on and prosper.”

 

“To us,” she repeats, raising her glass to gently touch his.

 

Kara comes over late that night, long after everyone is asleep. She slips inside, quietly, and finds Lena downstairs in the study. Lionel’s half-empty bottle of scotch is left surreptitiously behind several books on the bookshelf, and there are soft muffled sobs coming from the ground. Lena’s cheeks are tear stained, her mascara running, and her lips are slow and lazy when she speaks. Kara sits down and holds her close and listens to her drunken emotional release without judgement.

 

“I shouldn’t even be crying,” Lena says, choking back sobs, annoyed at this outpouring of unnecessary emotion. “It wasn’t like he was my real father.” she smiles, shaking her head in defiance, refusing to give in to the seriousness of the moment.

 

“It’s okay to be sad. For all intents and purposes, he was your dad, and he taught you so many things,” Kara says quietly, running her fingers through Lena’s thick dark hair. “I know how much you cared about him.”

 

“I don’t deserve to be sad. It isn’t going to fix anything,” she says, her voice taking on a chilling calm, her mind somehow winning the battle against her torn up heart. “It’s just me, Lex and mother now. You know, she won’t even look at me. Probably thinks it’s my fault. I probably gave him so much anxiety that it caused a premature death.” she smirks, and rolls her eyes, and Kara looks at her with a pained expression.

 

Kara’s face shows what Lena wants to feel, but won’t allow herself to.

 

“You know that’s not true,” Kara urges, stopping her gentle caresses through Lena’s hair and forcing her to make eye contact. “You’ve been the perfect daughter, Lena. You’re a parent’s dream. You’re so smart, and kind, and loyal, and brave. You’re everything a parent would ever wish their kid could be.”

 

“No one wishes for me,” Lena says, her lip quivering only slightly before she pulls it into a tight line. “If I’m so remarkable, I wouldn’t be so alone all the time.”

 

“Lena…” Kara begins, but Lena just shakes her head and wipes her eyes.

 

“It’s okay, Kara, I’m fine.” she insists, plastering her trademark smile on her face, and Kara wraps her in her arms and sighs.

 

Lena talks sloppily about the funeral, and her conversation with Lex. Her fuzzy mind manages to remember to leave out Clark.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Kara whispers, kissing her gently against the temple. “I’m happy to hear about Luthor Corp, though. That’s going to be amazing for you.”

 

“Do you think I can do it?” she asks, leaning tentatively away from Kara so she can see her face, her voice heavy with liquid and doubt. The demons in her mind begin to surface once more. “Like, really do it?”

 

“I think you can do anything, Lena. If anyone can take over and change the world, it’d be you. You know I believe in you.” Kara is strong in her conviction and it wraps Lena in a warm security.

 

Lena stands up clumsily and starts pacing around the room.

 

“I have so many ideas. If I had the resources, I know I could find a way to use quantum theory to bring water to famine stricken areas. I could help cure cancer with gene manipulation. I could _change_ the world, Kara! I could really change it!” she stops and shakes her head, laughing to herself. “I sound like a bumbling child, I’m sorry.”

 

They lock eyes, Kara sitting on the ground where Lena had just been, her smile alone conveying wordless encouragement.

 

“Don’t ever apologize,” Kara shakes her head, “You’re amazing Lena.”

 

Lena sighs, feeling somewhat warmer inside, but she isn’t sure if it’s because of Kara or the liquor.

 

“Do you want a drink?” Lena slurs, her eyes glossing over, as she fumbles for the bottle. She hiccups and turns to face Kara.

 

“I can’t get drunk on that stuff. It would only taste like bitter water.” She scrunches her nose and grins as Lena’s face registers what she just said.

 

“You can’t get drunk?” she asks, quirking an eyebrow. She’s momentarily shocked, but shouldn’t be. Kara is an alien, after all. “I suppose I should have known that.”

 

She hiccups again and retakes her seat on the floor. Her eyes draw slowly over Kara’s body, tracing over the spots where her shirt is pulled taut over her sculpted arms, studying the chiseled lines of her neck and jaw. Kara’s skin is so soft, and her face is so close. She can feel the heat radiating off her skin, the tense tight muscles of Kara’s torso achingly close to her own, and she loses all sense of control. She reaches out slowly and pulls Kara’s face into hers, their lips meeting messily. She’s persistent now, her tongue finding its way into Kara’s mouth, and she sighs into the kiss. Her heart is hammering in her ears, and she can feel Kara’s hands roaming up her back.

 

Suddenly, there’s nothing, with Kara pulling back abruptly. She’s looking back at Lena, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. Lena studies the tiny scar on her forehead and the deep azure of her eyes, and her stomach twists in knots.

 

“Lena, you’re drunk, we shouldn’t.” Kara whispers, reaching her hand out to create some distance, but Lena shakes her head. She reaches her arms around Kara’s neck and laces her fingers together behind her head.

 

“You’re all I want to feel right now. Please. I need to forget. I need you. It’s okay.” she whimpers, and Kara nods carefully. Lena knows Kara won’t deny her, not like this, and not right now.

 

They kiss slower this time, and more deliberate, and Lena forgets everything and everyone but Kara. Her senses are filled with Kara’s radiance, and she feels like a dead battery being instantly recharged.

 

“You make my head spin sometimes, Lena.” Kara says when they finally break apart, her eyes dazed and lips still slightly puckered, as if she isn’t ready to break the moment quite yet.

 

Lena runs the back of her fingers gently over Kara’s cheek before pressing their foreheads together. She’s slightly out of breath, and the room is spinning, but somehow Kara is keeping her grounded.

* * *

 It’s a month later, but the wound is still fresh. Lionel’s absence leaves a larger hole in Lena’s life than she expects, and she’s trying to forget the best way she knows how. It comes by throwing herself into a project and getting her hands dirty. She’s in her garage, arms deep in the hood of a junkyard car, tinkering furiously with a hodge podge of parts. The engine is in pieces, and has been for weeks, but Lena knows she can put everything together if she’s able to just focus. She hears the footsteps and sighs, expecting Lillian. Instead, she hears a familiar laugh, and she remembers how to smile.

 

“What’s funny?” she asks, turning, her eyebrow raised smugly. Her jeans are ripped and her red t-shirt is covered in grease, sticking to her body in a flattering way. It’s a far cry from stuffy boarding school uniforms and Lillian-approved designer shoes, and Lena feels more herself than she has in months.

 

“I knew you’d be in here,” Kara explains simply, taking off her sweatshirt and tying her hair back, her actions alone showing she’s there to help. “What are we working on?”

 

Lena doesn’t push her away. It feels right, and now more than ever, she needs her, she needs a taste of normalcy. She knows Kara won’t make a nuisance of herself. Even though she loves to talk, she also knows when her presence alone is enough. It’s one of the many things Lena loves about Kara. They set to working on assembling the engine, their eyebrows furrowed, wrists twisting screws, the dusty garage a protective cocoon from the outside world.

 

Lena glances up from her work and her eyes flicker over to Kara, expecting to see a diligent but happy smile. Instead, she’s met with a far more troubling sight. She can’t help but notice Kara’s shaky hands, and the way she’s mumbling under her breath. Her lips are twisted into a grimace, and she looks off-kilter, like she’s wrestling with an object ten times her size. Lena wants to reach out to her, offer to help, but she isn’t sure what’s wrong. It’s a far cry from Kara’s usual delicate restraint. By now, despite being so much stronger than Lena, she’s learned how to exercise the perfect amount of control in order to handle delicate objects without so much as causing a scratch. The days of crushing things accidentally, and moving with herky jerky reflexes are distant memories, yet Lena can’t help but be reminded of that awkward phase in Kara’s life in the way she’s acting now. Then, it happens.

 

The wrench bends awkwardly in Kara’s hand, forming a complete 90 degree angle. Kara stares at it for a moment before groaning in disgust.

 

“Stupid thing!” she growls, as she hurls the wrench across the garage. It hits the wall with such force that it crashes right through it, leaving a huge gaping hole in it’s wake.

 

Lena stops and stares, wide-eyed.

 

“I can’t do _anything_ anymore! It’s all so damn hard _all_ the time!” Kara yells, sinking to her knees in defeat. “I hate it here. I have to be so careful with everything and nothing works the way I want it to EVER! Humans are so fragile! That wrench is like...paper!” Angry tears well up in her eyes, and she swipes at her face hastily.

 

Lena watches her closely. It’s the angriest Kara has ever gotten around her, and in the back of her mind she knows she should feel fear. Kara could turn around in an instant and with a flick of her wrist, Lena could be in serious trouble. She immediately squashes the thought, ashamed at herself for even thinking such a thing. Instead, she watches Kara break down and she feels her heart break right along with her. She’s very aware of the way Kara’s frustration easily becomes her own.

 

“Kara…” she starts, but Kara’s eyes flash in anger.

 

“No! There’s nothing you can say to fix it. I’m a menace. I should be locked up so I can’t hurt anyone. It’d be so much easier for everyone!” she wails, and Lena feels like she’s being stabbed repeatedly. The veins in Kara’s neck are bulging and she looks like she’s straining against the weight of so much pain. Lena thinks she’d rather be dying than have to see her best friend suffer like this.

 

“How could you say that, Kara? You’re nothing like that,” Lena insists, “You’ve never hurt anyone in your life. You would never do anyone harm.”

 

“You don’t think I hear what everyone says behind my back? I have super freaking hearing, Lena. I’m not stupid! No one wants us here! Everyone is scared of us, and you know what? They should be! I could kill someone so easily I wouldn’t even have to try. It’s terrifying. Every day I wake up and I’m petrified of what I’m going to do or who I’m going to hurt.” She shakes her head, before staring up at the sky, the tears free-falling down her cheeks.

 

Lena inches closer but still gives her space. She doesn’t know what to say to make it better, because nothing about it is okay. Kara fixes her gaze back to the wall across from her, leaving Lena in her peripheral, refusing to make eye contact.

 

“The worst part is, I look like everyone else. I blend in well enough to get by. I’m just being dishonest and hiding in plain sight. Humans talk to me like I’m one of them, like I’m on their side, and if I told them the truth, they’d run in the opposite direction, like I’m some sort of freakshow!” she slams her hand into the ground, causing little cracks in the concrete. She looks at Lena then with a broken expression, like she’s been thoroughly beaten down, and for once doesn’t want to get up. She inhales heavily, and sighs.

 

“Life here is so much harder than I thought it would be,” she brings her voice down gradually. “I know how your family feels about me. I know they don’t _know_ , but I know their stance on aliens. I see their faces, Lena. I know how they do business. It’s killing me that they think I’m a plague.” Her face is pleading now, her lips forming a pout, begging for an answer, or a solution. Lena would give anything to be able fix it.

 

She watches Kara and hears her words and she’s furious at herself in that moment. She’s angry for doubting Kara’s intelligence, for thinking she wouldn’t know about her family’s insecurities. It’s so painfully obvious where the Luthors stand, and Kara is so attuned to everyone’s emotions, that they would be no exception. It’s something she should have addressed earlier, and she’s chiding herself for being naive enough to think that brushing it under the rug would be the best option.

 

“I don’t think that about you,” Lena whispers softly, her eyes scanning over Kara’s defeated form, “I think you’re always so conscious of everyone around you, and you’re always trying to do the right thing, and it must be so hard to have to be so careful all the time.” she approaches Kara’s side and crouches down next to her gently, her hand touching Kara’s shoulder. “Personally, I don’t know how you do it without getting angry more often. I would have gone on quite a few tears through the city wreaking havoc just to feel better if it were me.”

 

Kara rolls her eyes slowly up at her, a small grateful smile on her face and Lena smirks.

 

“My family and I have never seen eye to eye on things, Kara, you know that. They’re questionable in their stance at best, but I prefer to form my own opinions.” Kara nods slowly, meeting Lena’s eyes, the brightness slowly returning.

 

They sit in silence for a while, Kara’s heavy breaths finally turning calm and even again, Lena matching her stride for stride until a dull calmness rests over the pair.

 

“I guess I just needed to get that out. I’m sorry about your wrench,” Kara finally says softly, “I think I owe you a new one.”

 

“I think I’m more concerned about how to explain the gaping hole in the wall, but I’ll come up with an excuse,” Lena winks and pulls Kara into a tight hug, wishing she could somehow convey all of her love and devotion in one simple gesture. “It’s going to be alright. I know this is hard but we’ll figure it out together, okay? Don’t give up, Kara. That’s not something you’d ever do. You are here for a reason, and you’re going to do something so extraordinary one day, I’d bet all the money in the world on it. I can’t wait to see it happen.”

 

“I’ll try,” Kara agrees reluctantly. She looks at Lena shyly, “Thanks, Lena.”

 

She pulls back and studies Lena’s face, before breaking into a grin.

 

“What?” Lena asks, arching her eyebrow in question.

 

“Your face,” Kara says, laughing now, pointing at it. “Look.”

 

Lena stands up slowly. Her face is covered in grease, she can see it reflected in the mirror. Instead of cleaning it, she smiles wickedly and wipes her hand on Kara’s cheek.

 

“Whoops,” she says, laughing as Kara’s mouth hangs open in shock, the grease leaving a trail on Kara’s face. “Now we match. Grease looks good on you.” She winks, and Kara laughs harder.

 

It’s still Lena’s favorite sound in the world.

 

They return to the car, Kara taking a more observant approach as Lena finishes tightening a few more bolts before slamming the hood down.

 

“So, are you ready?” Lena asks, turning to Kara, a coy smile playing on her lips.

 

Kara looks at her, head tilted in confusion.

 

“We’re going to take the car out for a spin, of course.” she says, smiling devilishly at her idea.

 

Lena isn’t old enough to legally drive, but with acres of land and no one in sight, that is just a minor detail. Kara is grinning excitedly, because anything that has to do with speed or adventure, she’s ready to launch herself at, full steam. Lena gets in the car and Kara scampers in after her. She turns the key, and the engine roars to life, a satisfying purr that shakes the console and makes Lena’s smile grow even wider. She slowly maneuvers the vehicle out of the garage and then floors the accelerator, the dirt kicking up behind them as the duo laugh and yell over the sound of the engine. Lena cruises them around the perimeter, then stops, looking at Kara. She bites her lip.

 

“Kara, do you want to try?” she asks, the sly grin in place as her eyes run a course over Kara’s face.

 

Kara’s face lights up.

 

“Really?” she asks, “You’ll teach me?”

 

Lena nods.

 

“Are you sure?” Kara is suddenly hesitant, and after her outburst, Lena knows exactly what she’s thinking. Lena loves that Kara is always so controlled because it shows how much she cares about those around her, protecting them first and foremost. But she knows Kara deserves freedom, too, and there’s nothing Lena hates more than everyone telling Kara she can’t or shouldn’t do things. Lena trusts her, more than anyone, and trusting Kara means letting her go for it.

 

 _Alex is going to kill me,_ she thinks to herself. She grins and nods again.

 

They switch places and Kara is in the driver’s seat, looking determined. Lena explains the brake and the accelerator, and helps her adjust the mirrors. She tells Kara to take her time. It’s slow and jerky at first, but Kara finds the right amount of pressure to put on the accelerator and she cruises them around smoothly within minutes. Lena is grinning at her from the passenger seat, fiddling with the radio.

 

“Hey, leave that song on!” Kara exclaims, turning the wheel slowly, and laughing. “That’s N*Sync, Lena. You know better than to change it from N*Sync.”

 

“Kara…” Lena groans, her eyes rolling, as she relinquishes control of the radio. “We really need to get you some new music.”

 

“I’m the one driving, so I get to pick.” Kara sticks her tongue out.

 

“Oh really, you’re in charge now all of a sudden?” Lena laughs and shakes her head. “That’s the last time I teach you anything.”

 

It’s so easy, and so much like old times. Lena can’t remember the last time a conversation felt so natural, so _fun_. Kara is quick to smile, and even quicker to make a joke, and Lena wishes she could capture this moment and live in it forever. Her mind wanders until she realizes they aren’t moving anymore. She looks over at Kara.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Kara asks, turning the car off and shifting so she can face Lena directly.

 

Lena shakes her head, and closes her eyes.

 

“This. You. Us. It’s all just… nice.” Lena says, resting her head back and feeling at peace. “You’re my favorite.” She’s happiest here, with Kara. She feels the most complete. Kara scrunches up her nose and grins, the smile illuminating her entire being.

 

“I really missed you. Lena, I --” Kara begins, but Lena opens her eyes and just holds out her hand. Kara takes it carefully, intertwining their fingers and resting it on the console.

 

“It’s okay, Kara. Just be here with me.” she whispers and Kara bites her lip and nods.

 

They stay like that a bit longer, until Kara starts the car up again and guides them expertly back to the garage. Kara gets out of the car first and Lena is just closing the door of the passenger side when Kara is standing in front of her. She throws her arms around Lena’s neck and holds her tight, her face buried in Lena’s hair. Lena wraps her arms around her in return. She feels so guilty, about so many things, namely drunkenly kissing Kara after Lionel’s funeral a month ago and the fact that her family makes Kara feel bad about herself. She can’t help all the emotions that come with being by Kara’s side, especially when it’s been so long. Especially when it feels so right. But Lena knows she shouldn’t, and she’s upset that she’s still letting childish ways get the best of her. Kara let's go eventually, backing up just enough to stare at Lena, her eyes holding the same star-gazy look they always get just before she kisses her. This time, though, Lena turns away, clearing her throat.

 

“I don’t think we should do that anymore,” she says quietly, her eyes not quite meeting Kara’s, though she can picture the look of shattered disappointment on her face.

 

Kara’s breath hitches.

 

“You’re afraid of me now,” Kara whispers, dropping her hands to her side, her confidence broken in one sentence. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“Kara, look at me right now,” Lena says quickly, her hands delicately placed on both sides of Kara’s face, imploring her to make eye contact. “I am not afraid of you, ever. Do you hear me? When I look at you, I see so many positive things. I see peace, I see hope. I see so much brightness. I am never going to be afraid of you Kara Zor-El.”

 

Kara nods slowly, her chin quivering slightly. Lena rests her forehead on Kara’s.

 

“It’s just -- we’re not kids anymore, Kar. That’s all. You’re my best friend and I want to make sure you always are. I don’t want to complicate that. I need you to be here.”

 

Kara exhales softly.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” she says, and it’s a promise.

 

That night, Lena closes her eyes and thinks about all the things left unsaid. She sees Kara’s angelic face and what she wants to say is that if she kisses her again, she’ll fall more in love with her than she already is. What she can’t say out loud is that there’s no one in the world she wants more than Kara, but she knows she can’t be what Kara deserves. What she bites back constantly is the fear that everyone she loves leaves, or worse, and she can’t stand the thought of Kara leaving her. It’s another restless night, filled with wishes that she isn’t sure she deserves.

* * *

 Lena returns for her final year of boarding school, and the spell has been broken. She loses the attraction to darkness, her summer at home in the warmth of Kara’s presence shattering her downward self-loathing spiral. She sees through Veronica Sinclair and her crooked ways and questionable morals, and decides to stop being a pawn in a game she knows how to play better than anyone.

 

It comes on a Tuesday, a hateful conversation that makes Lena sick to her stomach. She overhears it by accident, but then again, nothing is really left to chance. Instead, it's a call to action.

 

“They let just about anyone into that place, I’m not interested in hosting _any_ event there,” Veronica hisses, speaking harshly to a group of girls sitting around her table. They’re in the library doing anything but studying, and Lena finds herself avoiding the gossip and hiding in the stacks. “Last week, three aliens just straight up walked in like they owned the place. It was repulsive.”

 

“That’s disgusting.” one mousy haired girl replies, mimicking Veronica’s tone almost exactly. If the conversation wasn’t so hideous, Lena would laugh at how pathetic it all sounds.

 

“How are they still in business?” another chimes in. Another half-wit, Lena thinks.

 

“I don’t know, but they won’t be for long if I have anything to say about it. Filthy half breeds,” Veronica sneers, looking around at her enraptured minions who hang on her every word, “You know what they should do? Lock them all up in cages. Ha, could you imagine? Stepping up to a full display of aliens right between cocktails. I’d pay to see that, wouldn’t you?”

 

There’s a gross chorus of nods and yes’s and Lena has heard enough. It’s time to get rid of this virus, once and for all.

 

She’s known for months about Veronica -- Roulette, as she goes by these days -- and her high rolling gambling ring, and decides she’s finished playing ignorant to this ridiculous attention-getting scheme. She goes back to her dorm and quietly hacks into Roulette’s laptop, which is an embarrassingly easy feat, one that Lena finds particularly humorous considering the big game Roulette always spits. She fires off a few lines of code and manages to anonymously tip off the administrators to the next planned grand display of hubris and under the table betting.

 

“You’re coming tonight, right? I need someone to make sure these idiots pay up, and you, my darling, are just the ticket.” Veronica croons, whispering dangerously closely into Lena’s ear. Her skin prickles in a different way now, the goosebumps giving away to a heavy loathing.

 

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Lena smiles, her lips curling into a faint snarl, one that goes undetected by an oblivious and self-absorbed Roulette. “I’ll be a few minutes late, but I’ll be there.”

 

“Excellent.” she says, and Lena couldn’t agree more.

 

Lena turns up at the designated spot an hour after the event is supposed to start, just in time to catch a hidden glimpse of a disgruntled Roulette and several of her cohort being escorted out of the building by a very intimidating headmaster. The clan is expelled, and Lena is free at last.

 

Roulette knows Lena is behind it, but can’t prove it, since Lena manages to cover her tracks with expert precision. It should be satisfying, but the way everyone turns on her in the coming weeks makes her question her decision. She thought people would be happy to be free of Roulette’s clutches, but it seems the hive is lost without their queen, and they take the opportunity to turn on the only person they can think to blame.

 

Lena thinks she should feel overjoyed, the payback a satisfying victory, but instead, she just feels tired when it all happens. She’s tired of false friends and failure. She’s tired of loss. More than anything, she’s tired of fighting with herself day in and day out to do the right thing and never feeling like it makes a difference.

 

After Roulette is gone, she hears a faint knock on her door and her chest immediately loosens. She already knows who it is.

 

“It’s open,” she calls out weakly, and sure enough, a concerned looking Kara comes walking in slowly.

 

“Everyone here has an opinion about me,” she says, looking at Kara, a sad smile on her face. “Ungrateful daughter, Luthor heiress, bitch,” she chuckles and shakes her head. “I guess they’re all true, in a way.”

 

Kara shakes her head and sits down next to Lena. She takes her hand in her own.

 

“How do you always know when to be here?” Lena asks, looking up at her, her voice quivering.

 

Kara wraps her in her strong arms, pulling her close. She smells the same, like lavender and honey and a slight trace of chocolate, since that’s never far behind. Lena inhales and sighs.

 

“I know you,” she whispers, and it doesn’t answer the question directly, but it doesn’t hide, either. “I didn’t want to be right.” she says and Lena knows. Kara only wants the best for her, and even after Lena pushes her away, she’s the only constant that returns.

 

“But you were,” Lena sniffs. She pulls away enough to look in Kara’s eyes. “I’m not mad at you, you know. You were always just looking out for me. If anything, you should be mad at me. I’ve treated you so terribly. And for what? These people? Veronica Sinclair?” Lena chokes on a sarcastic laugh, her lips curled in a protective sneer. “With her tight dresses and tattoos like Lisbeth Salander. You know what Kara? I never liked her.”

 

Kara shakes her head, a small knowing smile forming on her lips as she grins at Lena.

 

“I could never be mad at you. You just try to see the good in people,” Kara’s eyes are soft, and understanding. She reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind Lena’s ear, and it makes Lena’s heart skip a beat. “Even when they don’t deserve it.”

 

Lena sighs, melting against Kara’s touch.

 

“Especially when they don’t deserve it,” Lena sighs. “I just want to believe people are more than what my mother thinks they are, but I seem to attract only the worst kinds.”

 

“You aren’t like her, Lena,” Kara says. “You’re good, and you’re smart. You are doing the right things, even though it hurts.”

 

Lena nods and her jaw clenches. She wants to believe Kara in the worst way, but her heart aches.

 

“I guess you have to get back soon,” Lena says, pulling away slightly even though it takes every ounce of energy. She smiles at Kara, but it’s a sad smile. “You didn’t have to come.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kara responds. “And yes I did. I always have your back.”

 

And just like that, with those simple words, Lena feels her heart become one piece closer to whole again.

 


	6. Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wednesdays are rough 
> 
> OR
> 
> Jack and James Introduced, Kara/Kal Rise, and Luthors Implode
> 
> Ya'll are gonna hate me for this one. (Stick with me though!)

Lena meets Jack Spheer on a Wednesday, and it’s significant for everything that it’s not.

 

It isn’t glamorous, or heavy, or life changing, but it seems to fit, the way any other item would be checked off a Wednesday to-do list. Go to class, check. Write a paper, check. Meet an acceptable man to bring home to the Luthors, check. It happens in the middle of a mundane week, at a time when Lena is trying to get by. She’s in college, at MIT, and her grand plans and ambitious hopes are simmering beneath organic chemistry lectures and engineering portfolios. She still hopes that one day she will create the next big innovation, or eradicate a deadly disease. She wants to leave her mark on the world, be a force for good. Currently, however, she’s toiling in the underbelly of a dark dreary lab, staring at titrations and marking down the number of times a rat spins in circles after doses of caffeine.

 

“You’ll ruin your eyesight, staring into that microscope all day.” Jack chuckles, leaning against the door frame and watching Lena hard at work in the lab. He has an easy presence, and his voice floats smoothly over the dull hum of the fluorescents.

 

“It’d get done faster if I had help,” she smirks, her eyebrow raised in a playful challenge. “Where have you been?”

 

“No one’s above a snack break. Here, I brought you some.” He strolls into the lab and tosses down a bag of chips. Lena crinkles her nose in mock disgust, but is actually secretly delighted. She hasn’t eaten in hours.

 

“You’re actually insufferable, did you know that?” She laughs and shakes her head, shoving him gently aside.

 

“I’m ridiculous, I know. But I’m fun.” He smiles and pulls on his lab coat.

 

“Shall we save the world now, or what?” she asks, pushing the microscope in his direction, a coy smile teasing on her lips.

 

“Sure, I can’t see why not,” he says, and he leans over and kisses her. It feels sincere, and Lena thinks there are worse things.

 

She can learn to love Jack, and it will be enough.

 

Lena has known Jack for a few months, and is drawn to him for complicated reasons. He is older and has a brilliance that rivals Lena’s own, and he’s charming in an unexpected way. He’s ambitious and wants to leave a legacy, and believes there is still good in the world. He wants to cure cancer, and Lena is enamored with the thought. They learn each other’s patterns, and the way each other’s minds work, and it’s a partnership that builds over time. He makes Lena laugh, and he encourages her to reach her potential.

 

She thinks this is what everyone would expect her to want, and she convinces herself that it is. Veronica Sinclair was teenage rebellion and angst, and Jack is maturity and stability. He isn’t mean like Veronica, but he isn’t genuine like Kara. Not because he doesn’t try, or comes with an ulterior motive, it’s just that no one is genuine like Kara. He doesn’t make her feel safe or warm, but he treats her like she’s special and not because of her last name. There’s something about him that scares her, but it’s more that the idea of loving him makes her feel like she’s viewing her life as a third party spectator. It feels dishonest, in a way, but Lena is never one for revealing her innermost emotions. In a strange twist, the disconnect is a comfort, and he manages to make her feel _something_. That’s what counts. She doesn’t think about the way her stomach used to flutter around Kara, or the way her entire body would ignite when their hands brushed. It seems so long ago. She tells herself those feelings weren’t real, because it’s so much easier to bury than to face the truth.

 

(Of course she felt so strongly about Kara. She was young and impressionable and it was the first time anyone was ever nice to her. That type of reaction wouldn’t happen now, not with anyone. It’s too late, and she’s too jaded. She is so used to squelching feelings and dealing with loss that Lena is having a hard time remembering if she ever felt at all.)

 

Kara is never far away, because she has powers that bridge any gap, even if they were worlds apart. She heads to National City to be near her sister and take classes at the university there. Lena is disappointed, not because Kara isn’t closer, but because she wishes her best friend would stop playing it safe. National City is the easy choice, the comfortable one, but she knows there’s so much more to it than that.

 

It’s easier though, in a lot of ways, with them both being so busy. Now they’re able to let go of relying on each other with the intensity of their youth.

 

It helps -- or doesn’t help, depending on how she looks at it -- that Kara is now raving about James, a photojournalist she met during a seminar. He’s smart, and driven, and confident, and apparently has the kindest eyes she’s ever seen. Lena doesn’t know what to make of all the tension in her neck and jaw when she listens to Kara ramble, but she bites it back and puts on a supportive, happy face. She offers her most sincere advice, though she knows she’s a hypocrite for even trying to assist with real emotions. It’s the way it’s supposed to be, she tells herself. Kara should be allowed to be happy and Lena knows she can’t compete with James Olsen. She scolds herself for even thinking to try.

 

She throws herself into her work and trying to feel the right things for Jack and she convinces herself it’s normal. Her heart isn’t as full, and her smile isn’t as bright, but maybe something easy is what she needs. It won’t matter much longer, anyway. She will join Luthor Corp the way Lionel always wanted and work with her brother to usher in a new age of technological innovation.

 

She’s a Luthor, and Luthors don’t waste time on trivial things, like falling in love.

 

“Lena, did you see those photos I sent you? How amazing are they?” Kara asks one night. Lena’s laying in bed, staring at Kara’s face on her laptop screen, the video chat’s poor lighting no match for Kara’s bright smile.

 

“I did. He certainly is a talent.” She bites, and the words sound short and harsh, but she means them sincerely. James is a fantastic photographer, and his photos always capture rare footage of Superman in extraordinary poses.

 

“He says I’m even faster than Kal, can you believe it?” Kara looks like she’s about to burst through the screen, and Lena’s chest tightens. He’s kind to Kara, and encouraging, but she feels protective. She clicks her tongue in agreement.

 

She hates that James knows Kara’s secret, not because he can’t be trusted - he knows all about Kal, after all - but it’s just another person to worry about. Kara deserves an inner circle of people who know her for her, but the selfish part of Lena can’t help but feel replaced.

 

James’ relationship with Kal is another thing that has Kara absolutely delighted, and Lena inexplicably annoyed. Kara has tentatively reconnected with her cousin through James, which has her basking in familial love and nostalgia, even though he still keeps his distance to keep her out of the spotlight. Lena has also met Clark’s alter-ego officially, _the Man of Steel himself,_ she thinks wryly, though he’s under the impression that she can’t tell the two are one in the same. It’s tiring trying to keep up with the lies he tells, when Lena wants to just shake him and tell him _she knows_.

 

After all these years, she is still reluctant to fully embrace him, finding it difficult to let go of her grudge against him for abandoning Kara in the first place. She’s mastered a poker face of indifference about the entire situation, and Kara seems none the wiser.

 

“I always said you’d be better than him one day,” Lena whispers, and she feels it with everything in her heart. Superman may be everyone else’s hero, but Kara will always be Lena’s.

 

“Lena! You have to say that. You’re my best friend,” she chuckles, adjusting her glasses. “You’re not exactly unbiased.”

 

No, she certainly isn’t.

 

Lex and Clark’s relationship has also taken an interesting turn, which is a small weight off Lena’s shoulders. Lex finally knows his best friend’s secret, and it’s precarious, but they get along famously. Lex’s tune seems to have changed in regards to alien life thanks to Clark, and he’s convinced his friendship with Superman will propel his research to new heights. Lena is glad, but still finds it interesting that the only two Kryptonians on Earth should have fallen in line with the Luthor siblings. It’s only unsettling if she dwells on it, and she’s determined not to allow her mind to stay focused on it too long.

* * *

Kara has a meltdown on a Wednesday. It’s sandwiched between the past and the future, the way a Wednesday sits snugly in the middle of a week, and it’s the chilling precursor to an even more catastrophic event. Lena and Kara are a college seniors separated only in physical distance and never in spirit, eagerly looking toward the future. Though if Lena had the power to look ahead and could give one bit of advice, it would be to run in the opposite direction.

 

[Kara]: _Hey, are you busy?_

[Lena]: _You ask before flying in now? ;) Are you ok?_

 

There’s a light tap at the door, and Lena can’t help but chuckle. She knows Kara doesn’t usually check before showing up, so the way she texts this time means she’s upset. She opens the door to her old brick layered apartment and Kara is wringing her hands, looking nervous and distraught, more than Lena has ever seen. Her heart drops.

 

Kara speeds inside, pacing, before launching into a diatribe that is half English, half Kryptonian, and all wild gestures and nervous fluttering. Lena can only stare and try to follow. Kara stops, her eyes widening as she stares at her.

 

“Oh Rao, I’m not making sense. Okay. I’m sorry. Hi,” she breathes, adjusting her glasses, looking shaken.

 

“Hi yourself,” Lena parrots back, “Did you have the pizza dream again?” Kara smiles, but it’s half-hearted.

 

“That dream is awful, but no, I didn’t.”

 

“Let me get you something to drink. Please sit before you wear a hole through my floor. This building is ancient, you know.” She winks and steers Kara to the couch. Her frantic alien gives her a grateful smile as she sits down.

 

Lena returns with chocolate milk, the only thing that will calm Kara down enough for a conversation, and it does the trick, as usual.

 

“So, what’s happening? Are you okay?” Lena asks, staring at Kara, who seems less like herself and more... _human_ than Lena’s ever seen her.

 

“I can’t remember anymore. I can’t remember what it looks like, or certain words. I’m losing it. I’m losing Krypton all over again. Everything is changing, Lena. Everything! I hate change. I really hate it.” She clutches at a throw pillow, squeezing it so hard Lena is sure it would burst if cotton could do such a thing. “Graduation is so soon. You’re so far away, and my sister is never around anymore. My cousin hardly answers his phone--”

 

“Hey, hey...Kara. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” Lena says, gently removing the pillow from harm’s way and replacing it with her hands. She interlocks her fingers with Kara’s and smiles at her. “Breathe. I’m right here.”

 

“You have Jack now, and you’re going to save the world, and I’m just...me. I don’t know where I ever belong.” Kara’s words hit Lena hard, and the lump in her throat is impossible to swallow.

 

“Kara--Oh Kara, no, that’s not…” Lena feels an overwhelming tide of emotion crash over her, more than she’s felt in years, as she stares at Kara looking so small and broken. “You always fit, right here, with me. Nothing, and nobody, would ever change that. You know you’re my favorite.”

 

Kara looks at her, a grateful smile on her face, before she frowns again, more intensely.

 

“I just feel so...angry. All the time.” Kara clenches her jaw, but her eyes are still impossibly kind, the anger is not the kind Lena feels. Lena’s anger feels like she’s drowning, getting pulled into darkness, her deepest fears coming true. Even at her worst, Kara is still shining.

 

“I keep feeling like I’m on the verge of spiraling out of control, and the littlest things make me _crazy_!” she exhales with such force that Lena is convinced she might knock the table over. “The other day Alex said something dumb, the way she always does, and for a split second, I actually wanted to hit her. I don’t hit people, Lena! If I did, I could kill them! But I just feel so...much.”

 

Suddenly, there’s a jolt of heat expelled from Kara’s eyes and a window across the room bursts, the glass shattering everywhere. Kara instinctively jumps to shield Lena. She looks around, a terrified expression on her face.

 

“I didn’t mean to do that, oh Rao, I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry! Are you okay?” Kara is pacing around the room, wringing her hands, her forehead crinkled in discomfort.

 

“Kara, it’s okay. Please come here and sit down. You’re just upset.” Kara slowly retreats back to the couch, her movements painfully slow as she tries not to break anything else. She sits and looks sheepishly over at Lena.

 

“You know, I really hated that window.” Lena inches herself closer and wraps her arms around Kara, smoothing her hair and trying to calm her down.

 

Kara sighs, her laughter is shaky at best. They sit in silence for a few moments, Lena running her fingers through Kara’s golden locks until she feels Kara’s breath regulate.

 

“I never really got over my parents leaving me. I spend most of my life wishing I could talk to people that are no longer here. They sent me here, all alone. I had no one,” she says, her voice shaky with the sadness of so many years. Lena just holds her tight. She’s held Kara after so many nightmares, and talked her down after so many panic attacks, but this is new. She has never seen Kara have this kind of a meltdown before, or seen her lose control over her powers, so she just lets her talk. She’s relieved, in a way. Kara needs to let this out, no matter what form it takes.

 

The tears come all at once, and Kara sobs into Lena’s shoulder. She looks up after a few minutes, the tears still streaming down her face.

 

“I don’t mean that. I had a lot of people. I had the Danvers’, I had Alex, I had you. I just mean--” she trails off, looking guilty.

 

“I know what you mean,” Lena says quietly, reaching out to wipe some of the tears away. “You don’t have to explain.”

 

“And now it’s just -- I have always felt like an outsider. I’m always trying to fit in here, trying to control myself, trying so hard to stay out of people’s way. It’s so hard Lena! I’m so tired!” her shoulders slump against Lena’s body and she looks like a scared child instead of a girl that can take bullets. “What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? I have no purpose, I have no direction.”

 

Lena shakes her head. She wraps her arms tighter around Kara.

 

“You have so much purpose, Kara. You are filled with passion. You love so many things and you’re so good at them. You can be anything you want!” Lena urges. “You’re so brave, and smart, and strong. You can move mountains.”

 

“But that’s just it. I don’t know what I want to do.” Kara groans, looking up from Lena’s shoulder before throwing herself against the back of the couch, her arms crossed against her chest.

 

“You’re still holding back,” Lena says calmly, turning to face her. “All these years, you still don’t want to stand out.”

 

“What do you mean?” Kara looks up at her, puzzled. She adjusts her glasses.

 

“I think it’s time to embrace your power, Kara. Show the world who you are.” Lena’s eyes widen as she nods towards her best friend, conveying her thoughts without saying more.

 

“But I can’t -- I mean, he’s already-- and I--” Kara stammers, her face twisted in confusion, trying to find the list of excuses she has prepared. “I wouldn’t know how. I’d be in his shadow.”

 

“Superman is incredible, Kara, but he’s only one hero. There is room for more than one in this world, and you more than anyone knows what it means to fight for what you believe. Why are you afraid?” Lena knows why she’s afraid, it’s the same reason she’s terrified of Kara following this path. But she knows she would be doing a terrible disservice to the girl she swore to protect if she kept trying to clip her wings and keep her grounded.

 

She isn’t a child anymore, and as much as Lena wants to shield her from the Luthors, and the rest of the world, she knows it isn’t realistic.

 

“I don’t know if I can do it...I mean look what just happened! I broke your apartment window without even meaning to. Look what happened when I tried to save you once! I almost took your arm off!” She wrings her hands together again, her lips twisted in worry, “It puts everyone I love in danger. Alex is always telling me it isn’t safe, she’ll be furious if I do and…” she trails off. She purses her lips and looks guiltily up at Lena.

 

Lena raises her eyebrow, “But?”

 

“But I sometimes wonder what it would be like,” Kara says. “For one second, you know? To just -- fly free.” she opens her arms, and tilts her head to the sky, her eyes closed with a blissful smile. She pauses, then looks back at Lena. “To be able to use my powers for good. I could learn to control them. I could save people, help them. I could heal. My parents sent me here to take care of my cousin, and I couldn’t do that. Sometimes, though, I think it might not be too late to make up for it. It’s just…. It’ll change everything.”

 

Lena watches her, for what feels like the millionth time, and at this point, it probably is. She can sense the shift in their dynamic right as they’re sitting in the room, the way Kara’s shoulders seem broader, her back a little straighter, her face more determined. Lena is in awe, because she knows she’s looking into the eyes of Supergirl. It scares her, the way it did when she found out Kara could fly all those years ago. She isn’t scared of Kara, not now, not ever, but the idea of her best friend taking on the world, despite being bulletproof, makes her stomach twist.

 

“It will, Kara, but things are already changing. It isn’t too late. And if anyone can do it, it’s you. You once told me to be my own person. Well, now it’s your turn. Be _your_ own person. Not who Alex, or Kal, or your parents, or who I want you to be. Do what you feel in your heart. I believe in you, Kara. I always have.”

 

She hears herself say the words, and she means them wholeheartedly. She just wishes she could say more. She wants to tell her she loves her, and she wants to hold her close. She isn’t sure the next time she’ll ever get a chance because life is moving terrifyingly fast now. It’s another moment she wants to keep suspended in time, but they’re passed that, they’re older now, and it isn’t fair to either of them. So she smiles, and she sits, and she listens. It’s never enough, but it’s better than nothing.

* * *

 Time ticks slowly, like the counter of a bomb hidden from sight. Several eerily calm months pass before everything explodes into chaos. A perfect storm that no one saw coming, except for one very brilliant Luthor. Of all the days, of all the ways, it happens on a Wednesday. Already the most impossible day of the week, filled with endless obligations and stress, the world changes forever on a Wednesday. Kal’s stardom rises, and Kara’s fate is sealed, and the Luthor name goes up in black curling smoke.

Lex Luthor loses his mind on a Wednesday, and ushers in a new age of hatred and evil. The decline began years ago, a dangerous monster hiding in the wings, poised and waiting to strike. Lena knew it was there, had seen it in his eyes the way he studied Kara, and later the way he idolized Kal. When Superman revealed his powers, the gleam in Lex’s eye went beyond curiosity for research. She saw the way he let it consume him, and despite her constant attempts to intervene, she could never quite save him from himself. Her naive youth gave way to realization, and she began to be able to tell the lost cause that was sitting in front her. It’s a Wednesday when Lex puts his plan into action and launches a full blown attack on the alien population of Metropolis, targeting his own best friend, the very person Lena hoped he’d never hurt, Superman.

 

_A phone call the week before should have tipped her off, and looking back, it almost did. She felt the way her pulse raced and the adrenaline rushed, but she ignored it because this shouldn’t be her life._

 

_“Hey little sister,” Lex drawled, his voice dangerously calm and meticulous, “I think I’ve had a breakthrough.”_

 

_It’s the way he always sounded after weeks of little sleep and frenzied calculations, but this time, something was different. Something subtle._

 

_“Tell me you haven’t got pieces of your DNA frozen somewhere.” Lena joked, knowing Lex also had a fascination with the immortal._

 

_“No need. With my new plans, I won’t need to live forever, because I’ll be able to change the world for lifetimes to come.”_

 

_“Why so cryptic?” Lena quipped, trying to keep the conversation light, but feeling the tug deep in her heart. “What are you up to?”_

 

_“All in good time, little one, all in good time. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll need you to be ready to take over Luthor Corp soon. The time is coming.”_

 

_“Lex, you’re scaring me now, come on,” Lena pleaded, feeling unsteady “You aren’t doing something crazy right? Let me help you.”_

 

_“You worry too much. Everything is fine. I just thought you’d be excited that’s all,” he says, immediately getting defensive at Lena’s attempts to mother him. “All these opportunities just waiting for the right person. You have to be ready to reach out and grab them.”_

 

_He sounds like Lillian the way he says it, and Lena goes cold._

 

_“Talk to you soon, Lena. Sleep well.”_

 

It’s the last words he speaks to her.

 

She stays up night after night replaying the conversation, desperately trying to reach out to anyone who will listen. Lex stops answering calls, and Lillian never even tries. She tells Kara, but even she’s convinced Lex would never do anything crazy, not when he’s got Kal.

 

In the end, the warnings fall on deaf ears, and Lena feels the most responsible. Superman succeeds in saving the city, as he always does, but this time there are more than several lives unraveled. A man of steel can save a planet, but pulling the knife out of his back is an impossible feat. Lex had sworn endless loyalty until the last minute, only acknowledging his traitorous actions when he thought he would win. Somehow, it makes it more despicable.

 

She returns to the Luthor Mansion soon after Lex’s arrest to find Lillian, patiently tidying Lex’s room, as if his departure is only temporary. The sight haunts her for months.

 

“You didn’t have any idea what he was planning?” Lena asks one night, the question tumbling out in an uncharacteristic burst of accusatory feeling, “All this time?”

 

Lillian’s eyes throw daggers in Lena’s direction before she sneers.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous dear,” Lillian says, swirling the wine in her glass with distaste, “The only one sitting in the dark is you.”

 

After it happens, her heart shatters in expected ways. The Luthor name, once powerful and almost regal, is forever tarnished, leaving in its place a heavy cross on shoulders already dealing with so much grief. She feels the loss of her brother more profoundly than ever, because now it’s real, his fate decided. It’s a fate worse than death, she could argue, because he’s just out of reach, yet still unstable enough to be dangerous. She has lost the only other person besides Kara who makes -- who made --  her feel worthwhile and important.

 

Her heart shatters in unexpected ways, too. Lex and Kal’s friendship always subconsciously gave her hope for her and Kara. She couldn’t help but compare them, despite the differences. She knew if her brother could see past the power, the threat, the otherworldliness, and form a true bond with the Kryptonian, then maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be viewed as a weakness at all. Lex’s genius and Kal’s strength could have created an unstoppable duo, and it almost did. For awhile, there was perfect harmony, a Luthor and a Super, the alliance of a lifetime. Instead, her raving brother is driven to insanity, torn to bits by a jealous rage, the fallout a spectacular failure. It shows her that Lillian is right, and her biggest fears are coming true. This is how she and Kara will end up if their friendship remains intact. She knows it’s only a matter of time until Kara follows her Kryptonian destiny, at Lena’s own stupid, persistent urging, and then where will they be?

 

A Luthor and a Super, what an impossible combination.

 

Kara sends flowers, and texts, and calls, but Lena can’t bring herself to answer any of them. She feels the tug on her heart to reach out to her best friend, allow herself to be comforted, but she knows she can’t, not like this. There’s nothing to say, because everything has changed, and Lena is so tired of making excuses. She doesn’t deserve Kara’s unconditional support after she failed to keep everyone safe like she promised. She feels like she’s lost her best friend along with her brother and everything aches until it doesn’t. Several weeks go by and finally Kara stops trying.

 

For the first time in a lifetime, Kara doesn’t come, and Lena doesn’t call.

 

A different Kara resurfaces mere months after Lex’s downfall, but it comes in the form of a red-caped hero protecting National City, the familiar “S” over her heart. Lena is right in her wisdom to Kara, there is room for more heroes, and two Supers are better than one. She sees the proud crest of the house of El, and she knows Kara is finally following her destiny. It makes her proud, in a way, that Kara took the leap Lena encouraged her to take, but it pains her to know it’s in response to the carnage her family has inflicted on the world. She wonders if some part of Kara blames Lena for the close encounter her cousin endured. Kal hasn’t always been there for her, but he’s family, and alliances reveal themselves during trying times. She wonders, more so, if Kara thinks Lena would turn out to be the same traitorous best friend, and she enters a new realm of tortured pain.

 

She looks at her TV and sees the confident pose of her hero, hands on hips, sapphire eyes blazing with hope after taking down another menace, and she feels the tears begin to fall. It’s finally time for Kara’s journey, and it’s finally time to let her go.

 

 _“Good luck, Supergirl. Please be safe.”_ she whispers to herself, touching her TV screen for a brief moment where Kara’s face had formerly flashed. She closes her eyes tight, and tries with all her might to plead for Kara’s life. The screen goes black and Lena sits and stares. She thinks she’s lost all the family she has ever known in a single flashing moment. She knows she can no longer reach out to Kara now, without putting her identity, and their livelihood in jeopardy.

 

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Lena forgets the feeling of Kara’s strong arms, and the sound of her laugh. She’s struggling to remember the way she smells and the gentle way her tongue rolled on the ‘L’ when pronouncing Lena’s name. She finds it harder and harder to remember those long lost feelings the more distance is put between them. She thinks of Kara often - it’s hard not to, the way she saves the day time and time again- but her heart doesn’t flutter, and her face doesn’t flush. Her mind doesn’t blur with happy memories and sunshine. She thinks of Lex, rotting away in jail, a shell of himself, hopeless. She thinks of Kara and she feels the stabbing pain of even worse kind of loss. Kara used to be the only constant, the only glimmer of light when everyone else left. Instead, she thinks of Kara and she’s angry, because none of it is fair. She thinks of Kara and she’s scared, because it means even the strongest bonds can break.

 

It’s Wednesday, and she finds herself numb and alone. Again.


	7. Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena leaves it all behind on a Thursday
> 
> OR
> 
> A lengthy Thursday that includes hard decisions, confrontations, harsh reunions...and birthdays.

Lena leaves it all behind on a Thursday.

 

She’s spent her life hoping, searching, wishing for something more. There’s a glimmer of hope that flashes toward the end of a week that drives the last bit of motivation before promised rest. Metropolis is suffocating, and everywhere she looks she’s reminded of her brother, Kara, Supers, Luthors and every demon of her past. She thinks she can have a fresh start, and leave the past where it belongs, but to do so, means making another hard decision. She’s anxious to move to National City to take over Luthor Corp as rightfully promised, and change the name in her own likeness. She wants to declare the company’s mission to right the wrongs of her family, refusing to be remembered only for Lex’s madness. She thinks of the night Lex gave her the letter, promising a bright future as the head of the country’s most valued enterprise, and his sparkling eyes when he said he’d always be there. She’s sick at the thought, and all that has transpired since. Of course he’s not there for her, because no one stays, and once again she’s on her own. The path is fraught with landmines and obstacles, but Lena Luthor isn’t about to back down from a challenge.

 

She leaves Jack behind, and maybe it’s wrong, but staying with him isn’t right, either. They’ve forged a tight bond, and she cares about him deeply, but there’s no way to merge the old Lena with the new. He doesn’t understand, and he’s hurt, and Lena can’t shake the feeling that everyone she comes in contact with always end up destroyed.

 

She goes to him the night before, for one final good-bye.

 

“You don’t have to go, you know,” he implores her, taking her hands in his, and studying her with his deep, calm eyes. “You don’t owe your family anything. You can stay here, with me. We’ll build something great together. We’re already so close to finishing Biomax. I...I need you.” He’s sincere, and kind, and it hurts more than Lena expects.

 

“It isn’t that I want to leave you,” she starts, and she stares at the ground, dropping her hands away from his and crossing her arms. “This is just something I need to do. It’s my family’s legacy, and mine by extension, and it’s something that is always going to be over my head if I don’t face it. It doesn’t mean we can’t stay together, Jack.” She tries to soothe the blow, willing to work at their relationship if it means keeping at least one person on her side.

 

“If you leave, that’s exactly what it means. You’re choosing them over me, and I can’t wait for you.” Jack’s jaw clenches, and he’s angry, but his voice is calm. “You have fun here, with me, don’t you?”

 

“That’s not the point. Of course I like it here with you, but I can’t ignore my responsibilities. If you loved me, you wouldn’t make me choose.”

 

“If you loved me, I wouldn’t have to ask.” He drops his eyes to the ground.

 

It’s a stalemate, and Lena feels trapped. There’s no winning, but she knows what she has to do.

 

She leaves for National City at dawn on a Thursday.

 

She throws herself into her work, and hopes it will be enough. It isn’t finding a cure for cancer, but she’s still proud of the potential. L-Corp is changing to be recognized for positive innovation, not murderous world domination, and despite the whispers, the threats, and the naysayers, Lena forces herself to hold her head high. She’s taking on investors with an unshakable confidence that comes from years of ignoring hatred and honing her own keen intellect. Despite the significant trial, National City has an optimism that keeps Lena afloat.

 

Until the past comes knocking.

 

It’s cold, and shrill, and dark as ever, and just like that, Lillian is standing in her new office sneering at her. Somehow every time she sees her, Lena is four years old again, holding a teddy bear, feeling utterly unwanted. She thought she could shut the door on being a Luthor, and there it is, the stubborn legacy that can’t quite die. Lena almost forgets all the hurt she is holding on to, but seeing Lillian brings her childhood issues right to the surface, and she can’t help but chew on the bitterness as soon as her mother walks through the door.

 

“Well isn’t this a depressing sight.” Lillian begins, staring at the largely undecorated office, the former occupant’s things packed away, presumably for good. Lena just stares through her, jaw clenched.

 

“Somehow I don’t think you’re here to redecorate,” she sneers, looking at Lillian curiously, wondering what she could possibly want now. Lex’s trial has concluded, and all the reasons for familial discussions are frankly dead as far as Lena is concerned. “What can I do for you, mom?”

 

“I came here to make amends. We’ve hardly spoken since Lex’s trial, and I thought we could start fresh. I promised myself I would be better.” Lillian says, and her eyes scrutinize her the way they always have, not a trace of love behind them. “You know I love you, Lena. In my own way.”

 

Lena’s lips curl in a sardonic smile, her eyes glossy with a long lifetime of disappointment.

 

“You only tell me you love me when you need something from me,” Lena deadpans, and even though her gut knows she’s right, she can’t help but feel compelled to want Lillian’s approval. She hates herself for it. “Why now?” she asks, finding it comical that Lillian should be coming to her of her own accord for the first time in 24 years.

 

“Because we’re the only two Luthors left.” Lillian explains calmly.

 

“Suddenly I’m a Luthor?” Lena rolls her eyes. “You never let me forget I was adopted. Why should it be any different now?”

 

“It’s about time you know the truth.” Lillian sighs.

 

“The truth about what?” Lena snarls. She’s already tired of this game.

 

Lillian explains about Lionel’s affair with Lena’s birth mother, and how they paid her off to keep quiet. She tells her how when she died, Lionel insisted on bringing her home to stay with them. It tore apart their relationship, and explains the lifetime of resentment Lena had endured.

 

The truth is crushing, and unexpected. It goes against everything Lena had ever been told growing up in a house where she was made to feel like an outcast. It’s hard to learn an entire lifetime has been a lie. It also means Lionel was her real father, and she feels his death hit her again, the loss returning for an encore performance.

 

“You don’t want to believe it, but I was only ever trying to protect you. And you…” Lillian pauses, her eyes grazing over Lena’s face. “You look so much like her,” Lillian says, tears welling behind her eyes, her voice ruminating with a chilling softness that Lena has never experienced. “It was like ripping a band aid off every single day of my life.”

 

Lillian implores her to give her another chance, talking animatedly about how they can finally work together to achieve something great. Lena hesitates. She wants so badly to believe that this revelation could start a real relationship with her mother, one she has desperately wanted since she walked into the Luthor mansion 20 years ago. Her walls begin to crumble as she considers the offer put forth in front of her.

 

“You have no one else on your side, Lena.” Lillian says, her words cutting through to the bone. Lena can’t help but flinch, the tears welling behind her eyes. She feels as utterly alone as Lillian implies.

 

“Besides, there are two Kryptonians here now, and who knows how many after that,” Lillian’s voice is back to being harsh and directive and Lena swallows, hard. “They’re spreading like a virus, and it needs to be stopped. The planet is overflowing with these threats to society, and no one seems to want to lift a finger. Look what they’ve done to your brother, someone of his caliber, crumbling before them, the way they always intended. Think of what they’ll ultimately do to you.” She pauses then, and smirks.

 

Lena watches her. The old Lillian is back and a cold chill runs down her spine.

 

“This Supergirl especially, how curious,” Lillian stares her directly in the eye as she speaks. “She reminds me of someone.”

 

“And who would that be, exactly?” Lena’s eyebrow quirks and her head tilts, challenging her mother. She resists the urge to roll her eyes, but it’s there.

 

“Your old friend, Kara.” Lillian keeps her stare and Lena keeps her face void of emotion. She swallows and leans forward.

 

“Why? Have you met Supergirl?” she asks innocently, fishing for answers. Lillian smiles wickedly, and Lena’s heart falters.

 

“Oh sweetheart, I believe I have.”

 

She reaches her hands across the table.

 

“We need to be there for each other. Please give me another chance with you.” Lillian’s eyes are dark and cold, and Lena’s throat is dry.

 

It’s what she doesn’t say that has Lena’s stomach in knots, the idle threat laying unwrapped on the table, a grenade waiting in the palm of Lillian’s hands. Lena tentatively places her hands on her mother’s, but her mind is fiercely turning over what to do next.

* * *

 Lillian finally gets to her. It has taken years, but the damage finally reaches a critical nerve. The conversation leaves her reeling, and something breaks inside Lena’s soul. Not literally, but she can feel the shift, like someone has turned off the current of power to her heart. She’s cold, and she doesn’t feel with the intensity of someone that’s been through all she’s been through should feel. Everything is blunted, and she finds herself acting erratically to try to regain any sense of normalcy. More weeks have passed than she can possibly count and there are death threats coming at her every other day. Instead of cowering in fear, she finds them hugely comical, a curious response to something potentially lethal.

 

A new gang of robbers is terrorizing National City, and Lena decides this is the perfect opportunity to give L-Corp positive press, and distract herself from the looming darkness that is her life. She decides to throw a gala fundraiser with the hopes of luring the robbers only to destroy their alien weapons with a black body field generator, one she’s been perfecting for weeks. It’s risky, and reckless, and would be better with the help of a certain superhero, but Lena refuses to ask for help. She knows Kara’s been on the case, and that no matter how far away Supergirl is, she would come if absolutely necessary.

 

(She hopes. She doesn’t want it to go wrong, but thwarting criminals in her own way is the only time she feels closest to Kara. It’s the only time she recognizes the part of herself that she hasn’t lost. She just hopes Kara remembers the parts of her that are good and worth saving. She hopes there are still some left.)

 

The gala event happens, and as predicted, the overconfident goons show up ready to cash in. Lena manages to rig the device just in time before things get out of hand, rendering the weapons useless and sending the criminals to jail. Supergirl isn’t there, because Lena is too quick and too calculated, but she’s happy to see justice served at no expense to anyone’s life.

 

She goes back upstairs to her office, unsure what to do next, the adrenaline rush of criminal activity still coursing through her veins. National City is safer once again, thanks to a Luthor of all people, but no one is there to tell her she matters. No one is there to tell her she’s _good_ . Instead, she sits on the couch in her office, and stares at her chess pieces, thinking about strategies and the way it used to be her favorite game. She wonders what it’s all for. _What’s the point, really?_

 

She pours her scotch, and downs glass after glass, hoping and wishing for her brain to just turn off.

 

She passes out a short time later, drunk and alone, curled up on herself and cradling an empty bottle. There are rustles and small movements outside, but she keeps her eyes shut to keep the room from spinning. Her limbs weigh thousands of pounds and she isn’t sure where they end and the couch begins. She’s slipping in and out of consciousness and she thinks she feels the presence of someone in the room, though she’s dangling dangerously close to the edge of what is real and what is imaginary. She is too far gone to care. _Let them come and take me. I’m too tired to fight._

 

She feels wind on her face, but her foggy haze and dry mouth tells her she’s only dreaming. There are flashes of red and blue, and the smell of lavender and honey, the scent of so many of her recent dreams. She thinks she sees Kara’s golden hair and she can almost feel her strong shoulders supporting her weight, the way she so often did for so many years. There are tears in her eyes but she can’t remember crying.

 

She wakes with a pounding head and a heavy heart, alone in her bed at her apartment. She has no idea how she got there, and no recollection of half the night’s events. She pinches the bridge of her nose between her fingers and grimaces.

 

A red cape flutters in the distance, hidden, as a worried watchful eye scans over the lonely aftermath.

* * *

 

It’s another Thursday, though Lena begins to lose track of the days. She’s thankful, because at this point, a calendar is just a steady countdown to death, and it’s best not to dwell on her place in that journey. L-Corp is on the mend, and Lena is pulled into meetings, drafting pitches, taking phone calls and navigating the boardroom to an endless rhythm of lather, rinse, repeat. She scours Lex’s old research, scrapping damaging projects and keeping anything potentially useful. Days and weeks blend together in a dismal excuse for a life, and she’s blindly going from one task to the next. The distraction helps her forget, but at a heavy cost. She can’t remember the last time she slept, or sat down for a proper meal, and the harsh reality is, she can’t find it in herself to care. Her only friends these days are the taser in her purse, and the scotch in her cabinet.

 

So it goes that an antagonistic meeting falls on a Thursday. Lena is squinting at her laptop, buried in work when her office door opens, and a frosty air comes breezing through.

 

“Why does it always comes back to you?” the voice asks, a strong, confident bravado that can only belong to one person. The figure comes strolling into her office like she owns the place, and Lena barely looks up from her laptop. “I find myself asking that a lot these days -- why now? Why would Kara do the most reckless thing she’s ever done and reveal herself to the world?” Alex pauses, and grins, looking at Lena with a sharp stare. “And then I remember you.”

 

Lena quirks her eyebrow but doesn’t say anything right away. Alex grills her, the same stare she gets when protecting Kara, and part of Lena’s heart sinks when she realizes that she’s the one seen as a threat.

 

“Well I guess old habits die hard,” Lena retorts, smirking at her visitor. “Alex Danvers, always a pleasure. Though I don’t believe you have an appointment.”

 

It isn’t that she wants to hate Alex. They’re on the same side, and always have been, even if their approaches take somewhat alternative routes. It is just painfully obvious to Lena that the lines have gotten blurred as of late, and now she is forced to defend herself to the one person she knows will be impossible to win back. She feels the sting of regret behind her eyes, but she wills her emotions to remain in check, the Luthor facade firmly in place. She thinks of Kara’s bulletproof armored skin and clenches her jaw.

 

“You sound almost surprised to see me,” Alex fiddles with a book on Lena’s bookshelf, before casually glancing over at her, “I know you’re the one that convinced her to do it. You, with your grand ideas and reckless stunts. Now she’s off risking her life to be like Kal, and I have to say, I find the timing very interesting.”

 

“Interesting timing,” Lena repeats, nodding slowly, “Do tell.”

 

“Your brother befriends Kal, treats him like a god, swears his loyalty for years and in the end, well... we won’t relive it.” Alex scrunches her nose in disgust, returning the book to the shelf before continuing, walking slowly toward Lena. “And I can’t help but think how history has a funny way of repeating itself. I mean, why get rid of one Super when you can get rid of two? It’s much easier now, with Kara out there in the open.” She’s in front of Lena’s desk now, and she leans forward, pointing directly at her face. “You put that target on her back.”

 

“And you think that’s something I would do,” Lena nods, her face impassive and tired. She leans forward sharply and purses her lips before continuing. “Tell me, is this the speech you give everyone who knows her identity, or am I just a special stop on the tour because I’m a Luthor?”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I accepted an invitation to your family legacy pity party. Cut the shit, Luthor. The point is, your impulsive behavior puts her in danger, and you know it. You know exactly who she is, and if you wanted, you could ruin her. One easy trap, that’s all it would take.” Alex opens her arms, palms up to the ceiling, gesturing the simplicity of it all.

 

“Well, this is all really fascinating theorizing, Alex, but you don’t have to worry. It isn’t like Kara comes hanging around here often these days, you know.” She waves her hand around her vastly empty office, and her eyes narrow in pointed contempt. “Though if you had your way, Kara would be put under lock and key.”

 

“At least then she would be safe!” Alex yells, and Lena catches herself almost flinching. “You’re so careless, Lena! If you don’t worry about what happens to you, fine, throw yourself at all the danger you want, but when it starts to affect my family, you better believe I’m not going to stand for it. Kara is the least stealthy person in the world. Every time she snuck out as a kid, a clumsy alien running around town, did you really think I didn’t know where she went? Every time she’d leave in the middle of the night to go wherever you were, do you think I had to guess who she was seeing? She would risk everything for you. She has _always_ risked everything for you. You may not see her, but she’s always around, watching over you. Protecting you. Now, she can’t hide, and she’s still trying to save you. She loves you, Lena! When it comes to Kara, you’re worse than Kryptonite.”

 

“I’m a poison?” Lena laughs again, and shakes her head with amusement, a coy but frosty smile on her lips. “Now you’re sounding like my mother.” Her face is smug and sarcastic, and Alex bites the inside of her cheek staring harshly back at her. “So you think I set her up to be Supergirl only to fail, and you told her to stay away from me,” Lena rolls her eyes, her eyebrows raise slightly in annoyed realization. “That explains it.”

 

“I didn’t have to say much,” Alex is quick to reply, and Lena feels the punch in her words. “The way you’ve been treating her for the past few years speaks volumes on its own.”

 

It hits her hard, then. She thinks about Kara, truly thinks about her, and what she must be feeling, and the reality crushes her to the core. All the changes she’s going through adapting to being Supergirl, while Lena is hiding in plain sight. She’s ashamed for a moment picturing Kara’s struggles, but it’s mixed with relief knowing the further away she is, the less harm Lena and her family can do. Lena is nothing but bait right now, a compass for her mother to use to head straight for Kara, and if she lets her emotions get in the way, everyone loses. Alex is proof that no good deed goes unpunished, the look of distrust speaking volumes, and Lena swallows it and endures. For once, she doesn’t know what to say, or what to do. Nothing seems to fix this hole she’s dug herself into, and she feels hopeless staring into the face of someone she desperately wants to help.

 

“You know the worst part, Luthor? I really thought you loved my sister. Like, _really_ loved her. You used to look at Kara like she put the stars in the sky. The two of you when you were together, it was unstoppable. You guys had your own world and it was like no one else existed.” Alex smiles a sad smile and looks down at the ground, shaking her head slowly, like she’s sifting through all the memories of their youth.

 

Lena watches her, the guilt tearing away at her heart.

 

Alex’s eyes darken and she straightens up, her hands on her hips, the signature pose of Supergirl, worn even better by the older sister it was modeled after. “You broke her heart.”

 

The words have a surprisingly sharp daggered edge, and Lena can’t take any more abuse. The weight of too many years and too many decisions continues to eat away at her. She isn’t sure what Alex thinks hurt Kara more -- being abandoned by Lena, or the reality that her best friend isn’t who she thought she was. More than ever, Lena feels like just another Luthor, after all. She clenches her jaw and reacts out of spite.

 

“Well, I guess we don’t know each other as well as we thought,” Lena says slowly, a calculated calmness that only Lillian Luthor could replicate. Feeling disgusted with herself she adds. “And what would I possibly know about love?”

 

Alex’s face flashes with pity for a split second, and it’s just enough to get Lena’s blood boiling again. She stands up slowly and walks around her desk, her arms crossed in defiance.

 

“You should know better than to come in here and accuse me of things you know nothing about. I know what my brother did, and how many people he hurt. If you can’t trust me now, after all these years then that’s your choice. I’m a walking target, too, but I’m not asking Kara to fly around L-Corp and clean up my mess, especially not with my mother watching. I have kept my distance just as much as Kara, and will continue to do so, if that’s what you’re so worried about.”

 

They stare at each other for a few more seconds, before Alex sighs heavily.

 

“You can leave the same way you came in.” Lena’s voice is less controlled than normal, and she turns her back to glare out the window, forcibly swallowing down the lump in her throat. She refuses to look up until long after the door has closed.

 

Somewhere high over National City, the sounds of two clashing voices carry into the ears of a Kryptonian hero, who is forced to wipe the tears away with her red cape.

* * *

 It’s been a full year since they’ve seen each other, but it doesn’t last forever. It never does, as the two are impossibly drawn to each other like cautiously orbiting planets, a Luthor and a Super with curiously entangled destinies. Despite the warnings and threats from an intimidating Luthor CEO, Kara Danvers, CatCo reporter, comes timidly knocking on her door anyway. Lena swallows her annoyance at Kara’s penchant for disobeying rules, shaking her head, reminded of times when her disobedience made her smile. Kara’s presences brings everything to the surface, all the feelings Lena’s long buried. She feels the pricks of pain, and grief and sorrow, and the realization that so much has changed. She hides it, though, under a callous wall of bitter comments and misdirected hurt feelings.

 

Kara walks in tentatively, clutching a notebook close to her chest, a cheerful pastel pink sweater mocking the darkness of Lena’s mood. It’s Kara, her Kara, the way she’s always been -- glowing, radiant, and warm, a personification of everything good in the world. Lena’s heart caves in on itself, choking the breath out of her lungs, forcing her to inhale sharply. She is immediately drawn to her and she has to physically grip her chair to prevent her from racing across the room to wrap her in her arms and never let her go. At the same time, she’s furious, because just her presence in this building is a gift wrapped present for their growing list of enemies. She focuses on her anger. It’s the easier one to explain.

 

“Lena, I’m sorry, this is my fault, but I had to come here. There’s something you need to know.” Kara’s voice sounds like angels and Lena winces. She watches Kara wring her hands the way she does when she’s anxious, and Lena wants to reach out and hold them steady. Instead, she gets defensive.

 

“Using work as your excuse now?” Lena scoffs, her voice cracking. “Now you’re really starting to act like me.” She laughs, the kind of laugh that bites.

 

Kara is taken aback, and she looks like she’s been slapped.

 

“Is this a formal interview?” Lena presses, her eyebrow cocked, studying Kara intently. “Are you here to shake me down for a quote, seeing as I’m the sister of Earth’s most notorious alien hater?”

 

Kara lets the words hang, and she shakes her head slowly.

 

“It’s about your mother.” she hesitates to meet Lena’s eyes.

 

“My mother,” Lena nods sharply and inhales. “And why would we be talking about my mother?”

 

“Your mother is in charge of Cadmus. She’s their leader.” Kara looks at her and her eyes say the apology that her mouth can’t quite convey.

 

Lena feels nauseous. She has been tracking Cadmus for months, fully aware of their mission to rid the planet of aliens. After speaking with Lillian, it was painfully obvious she was at the very least involved. To hear that she is running the operation is a blow, but certainly not a shock. Lena feels the anger latch hold of her, mostly at her mother for being blindly ruthless and at herself for faltering.

 

Kara is within her right to question her family, Lena thinks, but it hurts more than she thought it would. This isn’t how she wants to see her after so long apart.

 

“And you think I’m involved?”

 

“I--People are losing it, because of Cadmus and their agenda. I just wanted you to be prepared. Although--” she pauses, and adjusts her glasses, “You don’t seem surprised at this news.”

 

“It seems expected, don’t you think?” She’s shutting down, and doesn’t care. “Kara, I’m sorry, but I’ve got another meeting. Is there anything else you need?”

 

Kara looks dejected, but she shakes her head, and grabs her bag. She pauses at the door.

 

“I want you to know that I haven’t given up on you.” Her voice is barely a whisper, but Lena feels the words slap her across the face. She’s reminded of her conversation with Alex, and the harsh reality of her situation.

 

“You should.” she bites back. What she wants to say is, “I’m not worth risking it all for” and what she means is “you’re better off without me”. Instead, it comes out short, hostile and violent, and leaves Kara with a look of defeated disappointment that hurts more than anger.

 

Long after the rest of National City is tucked into bed, Lena is still in her office, scrolling through old pictures on her laptop. She thinks of Jack, and wonders what could have been. He’s the successful CEO of Spheerical Industries now, presumably closer than ever to freeing the planet from deadly diseases. Maybe if she’d stayed, she could have a legacy of her own, apart from her family. She’s proud of him, but her heart aches with how she couldn’t be what he needed.

 

Then, she sees it. The photo that explains it all. It’s her, Jack and Kara at dinner - a joint birthday dinner, of course, for Lena and Kara - and instantly her eyes are drawn to Kara’s 100-watt smile. Even though Lena is sitting next to Jack in the picture, it’s a profile shot of her, the side of her face, as she’s looking at something else. Her nose is scrunched and she’s laughing, a deep, heartfelt, genuine laugh, and she’s looking at Kara like she’s the only one in the room.

 

She realizes the mistake she’s made, and it isn’t the one she thought it would be. Leaving Metropolis was the right decision, but pushing Kara away was not. It can’t be, when she feels so hollow and so broken. She thinks about chess, and ponders the sacrifice for the greater good with the destruction to wipe out the threat, the white versus the dark knight and the ultimate endgame. She tries to remember what she is fighting for.

 

She leans back in her chair, her eyes closing briefly, as she thinks of a fantasy lifetime where she could just be happy.

* * *

 The following day is an especially lonely Thursday, one that creeps up on Lena without her noticing. She wouldn’t have even realized if it wasn’t for the automatic alert dinging obnoxiously on her phone, rattling through her thoughts and forcing her to acknowledge the truth. Today is Kara’s birthday, and by extension, Lena’s as well. It’s the first one they spend entirely apart, but Lena gets a visitor late that evening.

 

She hears the rush of the cape on her balcony and listens to the boots land with an uncharacteristic thud. She knows instantly that Kara is coming in way too fast and she’s unstable. Her mind instantly goes to the place of anxiety and terror, assuming the worst and her heart skips a beat. She turns to usher her in quickly, lest anyone should see them meeting at night. Before she knows it, Kara is there, her arms folded around herself, looking small and timid, and Lena’s heart catches in her throat. It’s startling to see her for the first time in all her regalia, but it’s made even harder to swallow now that the heroic pose is shattered. She enters Lena’s office with her smile broken and her chin quivering. Lena forgets that she shouldn’t be here, forgets how their last conversation ended. She forgets it all, because Kara is in pain and Lena can’t turn her away.

 

“Kara, what is it?” Lena’s eyes are darting from her face to her body and back, searching for signs of wear and tear, wondering if she is hurt, or if someone else is in danger. “Are you hurt? Did something happen? Come here.” Lena pulls her further inside and Kara lets herself be reluctantly dragged only so far, before digging her heels in and resisting. Lena turns to face her, and she can’t help but reach out and grab at Kara’s shoulders, running her hands down her arms, patting her up and down looking for signs of trauma.

 

“You don’t get to do this!” Kara says sharply, and Lena freezes immediately, retracting her hands like she’s been scalded. “You don’t get to lash out at me! You don’t get to decide when it’s okay for us to see each other or not. You dictate our relationship all the time and I just let you. I can’t do it anymore!” she wails, her eyes blazing with anger and hurt. She strides forward, gesturing strongly at Lena, who is backpedaling now in an attempt to keep her distance. Her knees hit the back of her chair and she sits down harshly. “You told me to embrace my power, become Supergirl and then you _left_ me!”

 

Lena hears the words and feels like she’s been stabbed in the stomach.

 

“How could you leave? Why are you so mad at me, Lena? What did I do wrong? Please tell me!”

 

Kara is standing in front of her now, and she sinks to her knees in front of Lena. Her face is soaked with tears and her eyes are impossibly blue. Lena’s heart thumps loudly in her chest, the adrenaline rush that floods her veins is shocking. All Lena can do is wrap her arms tightly around Kara and let her cry in her lap. She feels the sobs rocking through Kara’s impenetrable frame, and she feels overwhelmed with guilt. Her hero can take bullets, but Lena’s actions have her on her knees. She hates herself in that moment more than any other.

 

“Kara, look at me. You’re right, okay? You’re right. I don’t get to decide.” Kara sniffles and looks up tentatively. Lena brushes her blonde hair out of her face and her face completely softens, the hardened exterior fading away in the moment.

 

“I’m so sorry for abandoning you. That wasn’t--I didn’t mean to. I’m not mad at you, I promise you I’m not. I was never upset with you. My life fell apart and I couldn’t drag you into it, not this time. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

 

Kara looks at her, dumbfounded, her eyebrows furrowed in anger.

 

“You’re my best friend. That’s what we do, Lena! Why wouldn’t you let me help you? I tried so hard-- I called you, I tried to reach you. I know how much Lex means to you. But you got so _angry_. You went somewhere I couldn’t follow! And then--and then--” she sputters, and bursts into another deep sob. Lena watches her helplessly. “Your heart stopped beating for me,” Kara whispers in between hollow breaths. “After Lex….after everything. That’s why I finally stopped trying to reach out to you. It wasn’t because of my cousin, or Alex convincing me you couldn’t be trusted. I didn’t want to leave you, but your heart changed.”

 

Lena peers down cautiously. She tries to ignore the implications of what Kara is saying, even though she knows exactly what she means. Kara means literally, and Lena’s heart breaks further.

 

Kara continues, explaining it anyway, as if Lena could ever forget. She knows about Kara’s keen hearing, and the way her senses are so finely tuned. She remembers how overwhelmed she used to get, before learning to hone in on the ones that truly matter. Lena’s emotions were always Kara’s marker.

 

“Your heart always beat a certain way. I memorized the rhythm, learned the patterns. I knew when you were happy, or sad, or anxious. I knew when you missed me, or when you were thinking of me, because it would skip beats or flutter in a certain way. I could hear it no matter how far away you went.” Kara sniffles now, her eyes glued to the floor. She can’t seem to look at Lena, even though Lena is silently begging her to. “Remember in high school, you asked me how I always knew when to be there? That’s how I knew. Yours was the only heartbeat I could ever hear, over anything. Always.”

 

Lena feels her own tears start to prickle behind her eyes.

 

“But after Lex it was different. You stopped needing me, you stopped missing me. Your heart didn’t beat the same way when you thought of me. It was strong, but it was violent and angry. It was heavy. It scared me, because I didn’t know what I’d find if I came. It was warning me away.” The tears are falling and Kara isn’t even attempting to wipe them away. “Finally it stopped altogether. I -- I couldn’t hear it for the longest time. It was jumbled with everything else and I had to guess. I lost you.”

 

“I didn’t want to see you,” Lena breathes, and she’s ashamed for being so foolish, so selfish. “But it wasn’t only because of my brother, or your cousin, or any of that. I knew I had to protect you, and staying away from you was the only way to do that. You needed to find yourself, and Kal was finally helping you. It’s just -- it was better without me and all my baggage. I would only bring you down.” Lena sighs, running her fingers nervously through her hair. “I was angry with myself, and I was afraid of other things.”

 

Kara sniffles and looks up, the moonlight spilling in from the window illuminating her beautiful face and causing Lena’s breath to hitch.

 

“I guess I did need to learn how to be Supergirl, but I needed you too, Lena. You taught me how to be Kara. You helped me find myself, and I wanted so badly to be there for you, too. What were you afraid of?” Even in the middle of a crisis, Kara is looking at Lena like she wants to heal, and Lena can’t help but melt.

 

“I was afraid you wouldn’t see me the same way anymore. I blamed myself enough for what happened to my brother, what he did to Kal,” she trails off, glancing up at the ceiling and willing the tears to dissipate, “but the idea of you thinking I was the same way….” she bites her lip, unable to finish her sentence before Kara interjects.

 

“Lena, you have never been like your family. I know how much you adored Lex, but you and he were never cut from the same cloth. You know that.”

 

“We’re closer than I realized.” she says, her voice shaking. She manages a small amused laugh, her eyes reluctantly landing on Kara’s quirked eyebrows.

 

Lena tells her everything she found out from Lillian about being biologically related to the Luthors and Kara’s eyes widen. She wants to laugh, then, at how impossibly easy it is to spill her heart to Kara like no time has passed at all. She feels her anger completely unravel at the seams with the way Kara looks at her so adoringly.

 

“Oh Lena, after all this time of thinking you’re adopted. She made you feel so worthless your whole life. I’m so sorry,” she whispers, “I really can’t stand Lillian.” she curls her mouth in disgust, and Lena can’t help the chuckle that escapes from her lips. Kara always bites back on attacking her mother, even though they both know she’s mistreated Lena for her entire life. It’s the first time she’s openly criticized her, and somehow, it comes as a relief.

 

“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling but I’m here no matter who your family is,” Kara continues. “Just look at me and Kal.”

 

Lena scoffs, her eyes rolling in amusement.

 

“You and Kal are two heroes fighting for justice. I don’t see how that comparison necessarily applies.” She laughs weakly, with the smile plastered on her face that only means she’s in pain.

 

“We may be on the same side in certain ideals, but Kal and I couldn’t be more different. He runs away from everything related to Krypton, and wants nothing to do with the past. He hates his origin, and wants to start fresh. He has fully adopted Earth as his true home, and is bitter when he’s reminded that it isn’t. I get scared when I forget words in Kryptonian, or the way my mother’s face looks. I love Earth, and everyone here, but I am torn because I remember what it feels like to be on Krypton, a lifetime away. I forge my own path, and so does Kal. So do you. It isn’t about our blood relatives, it’s about our choices. You’ve always been able to choose to do the right thing. You know it in your heart.”

 

Kara stands up and takes Lena’s hands into her own, guiding her to stand in front of her. She wraps her arms around her waist in a strong embrace and Lena feels the pieces begin to fall back into place.

 

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Lena says, and she means it more than she can possibly express. “I did the one thing I swore I’d never do. I just -- I wanted to keep you safe. My mother knows it’s you, and if what you told me yesterday is true, as I suspect it is, then she’s coming for you.” She shakes her head sadly pulling back slightly to look Kara in the eyes. She gracefully traces a tendril of wavy golden hair behind Kara’s ear, allowing her fingers to caress her soft cheek for the briefest second. “You finally take the leap and my family is the one out to destroy you. I didn’t tell you to do this so they could attack you, Kara. I would never set you up for failure.”

 

“I would never think that. I trust you beyond any doubt, Lena.” Kara says. “I would have done this anyway, eventually. You just gave me the strength to get there. I didn’t come yesterday to accuse you, I promise. I wanted to warn you, and it was the only way I knew how. I never stopped trying to protect you, even when I felt disconnected. I was always there looking out for you.”

 

“I was reckless.” Lena begins, and Kara smiles knowingly.

 

“You always had a bit of a rebellious side,” Kara grins, her tear stained cheeks beginning to dry and her blue eyes sparkling for the first time. “It kept me on my toes, that’s for sure.”

 

“You’re how I got home that night, after the gala.” Lena’s eyes widen, thinking back to her drunken state, and blacked out evening.

 

Kara offers a small, gentle nod.

 

Lena’s face flushes.

 

“I forgive you, no matter what, Lena. We need each other. We’ll figure this whole thing out with your mother. I believe in you, like you’ve always believed in me,” Kara whispers in her ear, and she doesn’t realize how much she needs to hear it until it comes from Kara’s lips. “And I will always protect you.”

 

For the first time in the longest year, she lets herself be held.

 

“Happy birthday, Lena” Kara whispers in her ear, the breath dancing along her neck, sending sparks down her sides.

 

“Happy birthday, Kara” She responds, squeezing just a little harder, and pulling just a little closer.

 

The clock resets on a Thursday.


	8. Another Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Final Friday
> 
> or
> 
> Lena and Kara take on the world. Soft moments, intense action, and so many confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my favorite chapter of them all. SO excited to share this ending. It's completely different from the one I originally had, and I'm glad I scrapped the old one. Enjoy! 
> 
> ALSO: http://lesly-oh.tumblr.com/image/159872046362 
> 
> ^ This fan art inspired that final reconciliation scene for Thursday (previous chapter) and I forgot to link it. In case you wanted more feelings.

Supergirl returns for good on a Friday, and it comes just in time. It’s a journey that’s come full circle, landing on Lena’s favorite day. It’s a new beginning, of sorts, a different dance but with the same familiar partner. Kara had been gone an impossibly long time, the longest they’ve ever been apart, and Lena had gotten so used to tricking her mind into thinking it was right. She’d given up on herself, but her heart could never give up on Kara. Now, with Kara suddenly full steam back in her life, Lena feels the small flame of formerly neglected hope beginning to flicker ever so softly.

 

It’s the first attempt on her life that she can’t ward off alone, but it comes on a day when her hero is back. A routine helicopter ride, though Lena knows better. She knows nothing in her life can ever be routine, or normal, ever again. Her last name is a target, and regardless of Lex’s prison sentence, someone is always out to get her. Her fear of flying has never truly abated, unless she’s with Kara, and it’s been ages since they’ve done that. Shortly after take off, a drone appears out of nowhere and begins shooting head on, the chopper hovering like a sitting duck. The pilot is shot immediately and the aircraft sputters and dips. Lena’s heart is in her throat as she tries frantically to regain control of the machine. Suddenly, she hears more shots, but it sounds like sizzling firecrackers, and she sees an explosion through the windshield. The drone bursts into flames, and she feels the helicopter right itself and touch down without so much as a hitch. Supergirl bursts into the cockpit.

 

“You’re safe, I’ve got you,” she says, and her words instantly melt the icy fear in Lena’s throat. “It’s alright.”

 

“What the hell was that?” Lena is searching frantically for more signs of a second attack, but the sky is clear, and Kara is by her side.

 

“Someone is trying to kill you,” Kara says seriously. “We need to get you out of here.”

 

Hours later, Lena is sitting alone on her couch in her office, staring hard at nothing in particular. She’s rifling over the events leading up to today, but can’t find a connection over why such a pointed attack would happen. There’s no telling what the purpose would be, though she assumes it’s because of her last name. Still, it seems overly simple, and the justification doesn’t sit well with her. This seems more calculated, more precise. A test, of sorts. She fiddles with the chess piece on her table and scowls.

 

Kara lands softly on the balcony, and Lena’s heart flutters exactly like the billowing red cape in front of her. Their eyes meet, and Lena knows instantly that Kara has bad news. She comes in softly, a sad smile on her face.

 

“How are you holding up?” she asks, and Lena stares at her, feeling the exhaustion settle heavily in her bones.

 

“Tired,” she says, quirking the left side of her mouth into some semblance of a smile, and it’s the truth. She’s tired of fighting, tired of running, tired of carrying the weight of the world. It’s like the years of hiding from her feelings and walking around comfortably numb have suddenly added up, resulting in unrelenting fatigue. “But safe, thanks to you.”

 

Kara strolls in confidently, her posture poised and elegant. Lena stares at the way her body is lithe and chiseled, her strides and movements refined. There is no longer a trace of youthful awkwardness, just grace and comfort, her presence illuminating the room like the soft glow of a cozy hearth. Lena feels the knots in her shoulder blades instantly relax just at the sight of Kara’s calming aura.

 

“My office is overflowing with flowers,” Kara smiles, her hair resting in perfect waves framing her face, the familiar happy twinkle in her eye.

 

“Really?” Lena tilts her head in mock surprise, her eyebrows coming together in confusion before bursting into a knowing smile.

 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Kara insists, shaking her head in gratitude, her eyes deep and kind.

 

“Yeah, I did,” Lena says, trying to convey everything she feels without saying too much. “You came and saved me. I get the sense I’ll be sending you a lot more flowers these days.” She stares down at her hands and moves over slightly, giving Kara room on the couch.

 

“You changed your hair,” Kara says as she sits, her eyes glancing over Lena’s dark locks, layered perfectly to frame her face. She’s traded in her boardroom bun for a freeing look of cascading waves, a small attempt to feel like herself. “It’s beautiful.”

 

“You changed your life,” Lena responds, gesturing to the S on her chest, a cheeky smile on her face, “I’m so proud of you.”

 

Kara scrunches her nose and blushes.

 

“Tell me what it’s like,” Lena says, leaning against the couch, her arm outstretched over the top so her head can delicately rest on her hand. She reaches out tentatively with her other hand and touches Kara’s arm, her fingers tracing the fabric of the Super suit. “What’s it like to be a hero?”

 

Kara inhales sharply and has a soft smile on her face. She stares out the window.

 

“It’s everything you’d think it would be. I’m living my authentic life, I’m helping people. I’m finally who I’m supposed to be. I’m free,” she says, and her eyes are sincere and bright. She turns to face her and continues, “You already know all about being a hero, Lena.”

 

“I’m not sure that’s true.” Lena responds, rolling her eyes, her lips twisting into a tiny sarcastic snarl. She looks back at the table, feeling the regret of past months stirring beneath her weary chest.

 

“You’ve always been mine.” Kara murmurs, and Lena’s eyes flutter to catch Kara’s look of unbridled confidence.

 

Lena can’t help the flush that overtakes her face, or the way her lips can’t conceal the smile she’s trying desperately to hide, or the way her body slightly gravitates closer to Kara. It feels like a magnet is forcing them together, and for once, she isn’t even trying to stop it.

 

Kara picks up the white knight chess piece and smiles.

 

“Remember this?” she asks, turning it over, studying it, a look of contentment on her face.

 

Lena nods and grins.

 

Kara places it gently down. She’s quiet for a moment, and Lena recognizes that face. It’s the face Kara gets when Lena is hurting, and she’s seen it thousands of times over the years. She knows Kara is here to tell her more bad news, and she stiffens in preparation.

 

“What is it, Kara?” Lena asks, ready to take whatever comes at her.

 

“We think your brother planned and authorized the attack from prison,” she says softly, and Lena knows it’s killing Kara to say it out loud. “The pilot of the drone works for your family. He’s being investigated now.”

 

It’s another devastating blow, and Lena is sure if she was alone, it would have destroyed her. She doesn’t even feel the tears as they stream down her face, doesn’t flinch when Kara wipes them away. The brother she once loved is truly gone forever, and Lena feels hopeless in her misery. Kara stays with her without being asked, the minutes ticking away to hours. Before they know it, the sun has given away to a calm, cold darkness. Lena is wrapped in Kara’s arms, feeling nothing but the steady drum of her heartbeat. They don’t talk, because it isn’t words that are needed right now. Lena’s head rests on Kara’s strong shoulder, and she gently presses into the small space between where her skin and her cape meet. Lena breathes in and she smells the lingering scent of soft plumerias, from the bouquet she sent to Kara’s office earlier that day. She closes her eyes and gets lost in the nostalgia of happier days, but this time she feels like she’s home.

* * *

 

Despite the news that Lex is somehow orchestrating menacing violence from behind his consecutive life sentences, Lena manages to forge onward. She’s learning about Kara again, this new Kara that has to balance a secret identity with a public persona, and it has Lena amused the same way it did when they used to trip over words in the Danvers’ kitchen. She hopes Kara can be a little more subtle than she was when they were younger, considering the mammoth stakes, but watching her giggle and sputter and fiddle with her glasses in that same charming way she always did makes her heart feel lighter than ever.

 

Kara prances into her office one Friday with several containers and a smile. It isn’t the first lunch date, and won’t be the last, because it’s just so easy to pick up where they left off, their movie simply paused, not over. They’ve gotten into a routine of sorts, popping over to each other’s places of work throughout the week just to reacquaint. Gone are the days of wasting away at her desk by herself, and Lena can’t say she misses it. She thinks she may have been wrong about one thing -- maybe the strongest bonds don’t permanently break after all. Maybe she and Kara are tethered together by something more than just well meaning intentions and memories. If all the tragedy in her life has taught her anything, it’s that her heartstrings have always been flexible and strong. The thought that something doesn’t have to be destroyed because of who she is makes her feel like she’s stepped back into the sun after a long, harsh winter.

 

“You hardly ever eat these days,” Kara says by way of greeting, “It’s actually terrifying.”

 

“Are you stalking me now?” Lena says playfully, her eyes flickering up from her laptop and her mouth hanging open just slightly. “I eat, when I have time. Calories are a thing for humans, you know.”

 

“I know this, do you?” Kara smiles and opens the bags filled with potstickers and lo mein, her eyes closing as she inhales the scent of greasy take out. Even Lena’s stomach can’t help but wake up from a long hibernation. There’s enough food to feed 8 people, or 1 human and her hungry Kryptonian, and Lena wonders what her secretary must think every time Kara bounces out of her office with nothing but empty bags.

 

“It’s nice to see your diet hasn’t changed,” Lena smirks knowingly, reaching for the carton gratefully. “Still convinced all leafy greens are a torture device created to destroy your powers?” Her eyes dance with teasing energy.

 

“You don’t know that they’re not!” Kara immediately pouts, and Lena feels warmth at the familiarity.

 

“Thank you though for bringing lunch, Kara. Really.” She takes a thoughtful bite. “So, you’re a reporter and saving the world now? You make me feel like I’m slacking.” she winks, handling her chopsticks with surprising dexterity, and Kara’s cheeks flush.

 

“Oh, I’m not a reporter,” Kara mumbles “I was just -- that was just to get an interview-- fake interview with you…” she trails off, embarrassed, and Lena just smiles.

 

“Well, you could have fooled me,” she looks at Kara, her head tilted thoughtfully, “You have a gift with words, Kara. You could do it if you wanted.” Kara stares at her, biting her lip subtly, her eyes shifting under Lena’s gaze.

 

They talk back and forth, catching up on lost intricacies. Lena finds herself slipping on more than one occasion, her overwhelming attraction to Kara seemingly multiplying in her absence. It’s funny how someone she’s known for so long can still feel so new, so delicate. It’s unchartered territory for them, but there’s no mistaking the lingering gazes and flushed cheeks that appear during their conversations.

 

Lena knows all the heavy stuff but not the little things -- like Kara’s new apartment, her boss Cat Grant’s flare for dramatics and lattes, and the alien bar on 5th where she _“can actually get drunk now, Lena!”_. They talk about her coworkers at CatCo, Winn and James, and Lena’s stomach dips slightly.

 

“Oh, and how is the infamous James Olsen?” she asks, her lips curling around his name in utter distaste, one that she covers up with a smirk. She’s peering at Kara curiously to gauge her reaction, and is pleasantly surprised by her nonchalance.

 

“He’s good! He’s great. He’s a great friend.” she says, and she’s sincere in a way Lena doesn’t expect.

 

“A friend?” she asks, her eyebrows raised in amusement.

 

“Just a friend. I don’t know, it got kind of complicated. I spent all that time thinking it should have felt one way, and then it just….didn’t. It was surprising. I’m okay with it though. I really need friends more than anything right now.” she shrugs her shoulders and her eyes are calm and Lena feels guilty about the way her chest loosens at hearing this little tidbit of information.

 

After lunch, Kara stands to go, and Lena follows to walk her out.

 

“I missed you so much,” Kara says, her voice quivering but her face bright and happy. She wraps Lena up in a warm embrace. “There’s no one like you, Lena.”

 

It’s funny how after all this time, she still fits perfectly in Kara’s arms.

 

“I missed you too, Kara.” Lena whispers delicately in Kara’s ear, and she hesitates before biting back on saying anything else.

 

Lena stares hard at the closed door long after Kara’s departure. She’s deep in thought, her mind turning over the events of the past few months in detail. Something about having Kara back makes her spirit lift and her limbs feel warm, like she can actually feel her body come alive again. Her sense of purpose is somehow restored, and she attacks her evening work with a sense of vigor that she thought for sure was wasting away like her brother, in the bowels of a maximum security facility in Metropolis.

 

At 2am she finds herself deep in the R&D wing of L-Corp toiling over a beaker and furiously measuring doses of serum. Books are sprawled over the counter and her protective goggles have already saved her tired eyes on two occasions. It’s the project that has kept her up all night for years, the one that she’s been studying for as long as she can remember. She’s so close to unlocking the answers to her most troubling questions. If Lillian is the leader of Cadmus, then Lena has decided she needs to be prepared for whatever comes her way.

* * *

 A month later, Supergirl gets taken down. It’s a dangerous Friday, one that swirls with dark clouds and has no good intentions. It’s an all nighter for the wrong reasons, and it’s sooner than Lena would prefer. It’s a chance at redemption, and it’s now or never.

 

Lena bursts through the double doors frantically and practically jumps down the stairs, her stilettos clacking along the tile as she run-walks through the DEO. She’s woefully out of place and overdressed, her magenta coat standing out amongst the dark black uniforms of the agents, but she can hardly be bothered to care. She ignores the voices calling after her until she arrives in a back room and comes face to face with Alex.

 

“Woah, Luthor, what the hell? How did you-- What are you--” she says, her eyes wide in surprise. She recovers quickly enough, staring at Lena with a suspicious gaze. Lena notes the gun in her holster and swallows. Against her better judgement, she pushes on.

 

“Alex, I don’t have time for this. What happened? Where is she?” the muscles in Lena’s jaw flicker, and her eyes are blazing, desperately searching for answers.

 

Winn, James and J’onn all look at each other, a stunned silence passing over the group.

 

“I don’t know where you think you are, or what you think you’re doing, but she isn’t here.” Alex stares at her, and Lena knows she’s lying.

 

She sighs, exasperated, running her fingers over the top of her perfectly done up hair.

 

“Relax, agent Danvers. I’ve known about the DEO since I was 10, and I hacked your main frame when I was a sophomore in high school. You’ll want to patch that, by the way.” she glances at Winn expectantly. His mouth is agape as he frantically starts clicking buttons on his computer. Alex looks ready to cry, or kick Lena in the throat, or both. Lena thinks both is probable.

 

James clears his throat, “Lena, this isn’t--”

 

“James, is it? Now _really_ isn’t a good time for you to talk.” She looks over her shoulder sharply, facing him with her best CEO stare, and he stops in his tracks, his arms up in surrender. She can’t help the petty jealousy that takes over when she sees James strolling around the DEO like he belongs there. He has full access to a secret life that he has no business knowing about, while she is treated like an outsider. She understands why, but just the fact that it’s Kara’s harmless crush, however insignificant, is grating on her nerves. She turns to Alex who still hasn’t spoken.

 

“Are you shocked you still have a job since your credentials are in the hands of a Luthor?” Lena shakes her head and scoffs, her eyebrow cocked challengingly. “I signed an NDA before I logged out, you know. I made myself legally bound, just to be sure. Now where is Kara?”

 

There’s a silent stand off for several moments, green eyes locked on amber, neither one blinking, until J’onn clears his throat. He nods, and Alex’s shoulders relax slightly.

 

“Fine. This way,” she says reluctantly, nodding toward another hallway and beckoning Lena to follow.

 

Lena exhales a brief sigh of relief.

 

They enter the back bay and Kara is lying on a bed, looking helpless and weak, her usual glow faded under the sharp fluorescents. Lena peers in curiously.

 

It was a routine rescue gone bizarre, a Kryptonite bomb encased in lead that exploded right on target. Kara was fortunate to only come in contact with the residue. Still, it is a strong stock of the element, and the poison is violent and harsh.

 

“Is it synthetic Kryptonite?” Lena whispers, her heart hammering in her ears. The sight of Kara so fragile and human makes her stomach hurt. Her veins are slightly glowing an eerie lime green, the element of destruction coursing through her body. It takes Lena right back to the Danvers’ basement as a child, watching Kara writhe in agony on the floor, the same lime green substance attacking her forehead and causing total chaos. She winces, and swallows harshly, willing the memory to fade.

 

“How do you know about that?” Alex snaps, sharper than necessary. Her eyes are drilling into Lena, silently asking the obvious questions, the ones Lena knows she needs to face.

 

The synthetic Kryptonite is trademarked as a recent Cadmus concoction, but it’s something Lena has secretly known about for far too long. Superman made Kryptonite famous, his known Achilles heel, but the synthetic version was accidentally developed on a silly youthful Saturday in the Danvers’ basement many years ago. After that incident, Lena spent ages following Lex around whenever she could, stealing his scraps and studying his research. He passed off his desires as a necessary evil, under the guise of harnessing the power for a superhuman steroid. He wanted humans to have super powers, too, and what better way than to create it from a source of Kryptonian weakness. It would be a proverbial rising from the ashes, he reasoned, and Lena thought the poetic justice was sorely misplaced. She saw through his lies even then, but continued to study it in her free time, spurned by the reaction Kara had to it when they were kids. She was determined to counteract whatever nefarious plans her brother came up with.

 

It’s a risk to be so involved, and she sees the suspicion in Alex’s eyes. At first glance, her obsession with the element points in one direction: that she’s joined forces with her mother. But if Kara doesn’t get help fast, she will remain in a weakened state. A perfect target.

 

“She still has that scar,” Lena muses, running her hand lightly over the small indentation over Kara’s eye, the one she suffered so many years ago. “Something that could actually hurt her, and we found it so long ago. How do you think I developed the antidote for it?” she says quietly.

 

Lena looks up at Alex sadly. She stares at her long and hard, thinking about all the years they spent together, bitter at how she could even question Lena’s dedication and loyalty. She knows she deserves the scrutiny, but she isn’t sure how Alex is ever going to forgive her for everything that’s transpired.

 

Alex’s eyes soften. Lena tries to implore her trustworthiness, but at this point there’s nothing more she can do.

 

“There’s a reason no one has been able to do this. One wrong calculation, Luthor, and it could kill her,” Alex warns. “Do you really want to take that risk?”

 

Lena bristles, but heeds the warning. She understands the risks more than anyone. More than even Alex. She nods firmly, the confidence in her work and her intelligence never wavering.

 

“You can scan it first. I’m not going to hurt her, Alex.” Lena is pleading, now, her eyes blazing with passion and unbridled will. “It’s Kara. Let me help her. Please.”

 

“She makes that same expression when she’s determined,” Alex says gently, staring at the small crinkle in Lena’s forehead and the way her eyes are laser focused. “She learned that one from you.”

 

She backs away, and allows Lena to administer the injection. It’s an unspoken promise, an olive branch extended, and Lena feels the gratitude deep in her soul. She’s been perfecting this formula for years, swearing to protect Kara. She’d hoped she’d never have to use it, but under the circumstances, with her family the reason it’s even needed, she has no choice. The amber serum flows into Kara’s body and it works brilliantly, the antidote cutting Kara’s recovery time to a few short hours.

 

Lena doesn’t tell Alex about the side effect, the one she hopes actually _will_ occur. It’s best if Kara doesn’t know, either, in case she goes looking for more trouble.

 

Now, there’s nothing left to do but wait.

* * *

 Cadmus and Lillian have been laying low, and it feels too much like Lex revisited, the calm before the storm. Lena is cool, and collected when it counts, but upon closer inspection, a trained eye could see the way her hands slightly tremble and her chin sometimes quivers. The anxiety wracks her brain and keeps her up all night, and she’s convinced if she takes even a second to relax, she’ll be thrown into another nightmare.

 

The nightmare starts on a Friday. It’s unassuming and lazy, and it seems like a day where Lena might actually be able to go home early for the first time since taking over L-Corp. She’s packing her bags when she receives a text from one of her R&D staff asking her to review some work in the lab. She sighs, and agrees, hastily throwing her bags over her shoulder as she locks up her office. She’s in the elevator and heading to the basement of the building, but she’s distracted, thinking of the possibility of having a night alone with Kara. It’s the first night for them to talk, _really_ talk, and she’s going over her speech backwards and forwards. It’s the night she wants to tell her everything, and she needs it to be perfect. She needs Kara to know, before everything gets crazy.

 

Kara needs to hear her say the words before anything else happens.

 

She walks into the lab, but it’s dark and empty. She looks down at her phone and checks the time, and just as she starts to put it away, she feels a small prick in her neck. Then everything fades to black.

 

She wakes up minutes later, or hours, she can’t be sure. She’s in the back of a dark van with no windows, and her wrists are tied together with zip ties. She wants to scream and yell, but she can’t find her voice, the rest of the drugs in her system rendering her languid and useless. She sits perfectly still, despite the throbbing pain in her head and joints, and she tries to focus her mind. She closes her eyes and listens.

 

Lillian.

 

She hears her voice, and knows instantly what’s happening. Suddenly, it all makes too much sense, and even in her drug induced stupor, she connects the elusive dots. She wants to laugh, really, at the simplicity of it all, but it’s not funny in the slightest. Her heart begins to pound.

 

Lex’s attempt on her life was indeed the test she thought it was. Supergirl came to the rescue, because she wouldn’t let anything happen to Lena, just as Lex predicted. The synthetic kryptonite bomb was also a precursor to ill-will, testing the effects necessary for destruction in order to calibrate, what Lena would assume, a stronger formula. Now, Lillian is kidnapping her and using her as a surefire way to get to Kara. She knows Kara will come after Lena and try to save her again, and it’s a perfect ploy to lure her all alone out to the Cadmus facility. Lena’s palms sweat, and she feels dizzy. She wants to warn Kara, but she knows it’s no use. She tries to think.

 

The road is winding, and long, but Lena can’t see anything in the back of the windowless van. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, they stop, and she hears the voices coming around back. A menacing looking agent opens the door violently, his face the same as Director Henshaw’s, but with a metal alloy plate covering half his face. Cyborg Henshaw gruffly removes Lena from the van and starts pushing her toward the giant, isolated warehouse. It’s pitch black and they are surrounded by mountains and silence, and Lena wonders, then, how Kara will possibly know where to find her.

 

Her heart flutters with adrenaline and thoughts of Kara, and she knows exactly what will lead her way. She wishes she could quell her body’s betrayal, but it’s no use. Her heart is strong, and loud, a guiding light that Kara won’t ever ignore.

 

Lillian has yet to acknowledge her, and Lena can’t say she’s disappointed. She’s roughly shoved by Henshaw, and she notices a sickly green looking hired muscle next to him. There’s a subtle lime green light pulsing under his shirt, and the sight of the kryptonite makes her stomach sink. They enter the warehouse, and Lillian begins rummaging through shelves for odds and ends. Lena stares at the vast space, filled with all sorts of destructive trinkets. She recognizes the black mercy, and alien-charged weapons, and she feels her skin crawl with fear and loathing. A facility of pure genocide, and she’s standing right in the middle.

 

“Your brother had facilities like these all over the world,” Lillian explains, breaking her silence without a greeting. “They have everything we need to rid this planet of aliens once and for all.”

 

“Fascinating. But you brought the wrong Luthor for that.” Lena spits, the fury building behind her aching, tired chest.

 

“Did I?” Lillian sneers, shaking her head and looking thoughtfully at Lena, like she’s a piece of meat left out for a junkyard dog. “You’re just a pawn in this game, my dear.”

 

It doesn’t take long before Supergirl bursts through the roof of the facility, eyes blazing, the crest on her chest shining like the sun. Lena can’t help but lurch forward, running towards her, hoping against hope to reach her before anyone else.

 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t be here?” Supergirl asks, hovering, her eyes scathing over Lillian before locking on Lena’s. For a split second, they’re back in 7th grade, Kara’s determined eyes and unbridled strength saving Lena from all of her tormentors. She flicks her gaze back to Lillian, the heat vision warming up behind her eyes.

 

“I was counting on it, Supergirl,” Lillian says, an impetuous grin on her face.

 

Lillian is close behind Lena, both Luthors walking towards Kara. One is sneering and staring at her like she always did, with cruel malcontent and disgust. The younger, kinder, gentler Luthor is staring at her with all the fear, anxiety, and pain that comes with watching a loved one in trouble. This time, the looks aren’t coming over an awkward Luthor family dinner. This time, there’s a much more sinister plan in motion. Lillian comes equipped with all of Lex’s alien-torture inventions, and she’s calm, watching Lena try to flee to the safety of her Super.

 

Lillian’s henchman, the Cyborg Henshaw, is stride for stride with Lena and grabs her arms roughly, pulling her backwards, while Lillian strides up to Kara. She casually tosses a device her way, which Kara catches before immediately shrinking down to the ground. The noise emanating from it causes an explosion in her ears that brings her to her knees. She wails in pain, her face twisted in a grimace, and Lena feels powerless to stop it.

 

“She has to pay for what her cousin did to your brother.” Lillian explains, as she encircles Kara, her other henchman, Metallo, lurking in the ranks.

 

“Don’t hurt her!” Lena cries, and she has a decision to make. She knows she can’t afford a misstep, because what she’s about to do will certainly reveal Kara’s identity to her mother. But at this point, Lillian’s plan is already in motion, and she can’t live with herself if she does nothing. She’s confident that the late hours researching in her lab and the vaccine she’s given to Kara has worked, but the adrenaline rush of seeing Kara in so much pain forces the doubt to creep into her mind. She wants to be _sure._

 

She swore she’d always protect her, and this time, it doesn’t mean keeping quiet.

 

She feels the surge of strength from deep within come to the surface. She goes limp in Henshaw’s arms for a split second which causes him to bend just enough to catch her, before tensing her body and launching her elbow directly into his nose with a sickening _crack_. His nose breaks, and there’s blood everywhere, giving Lena enough time to launch herself in Kara’s direction. She doesn’t care that Kara is practically invincible, and can take bullets. It doesn’t matter that she has super strength and can fly. All that Lena sees is Kara, her Kara, in pain, crumpled on the ground fighting with all her might. Metallo steps in front, but Lena dodges his punch only to connect the flat of her palm firmly with his jaw, before landing a kick to his stomach. She winds up and lands one more blow to his face, and he crumples in a heap on the floor. Lena turns and throws herself on top of Kara, shielding her from Lillian’s kryptonite weapon.

 

“You’re still a foolish little girl, Lena. Humans and aliens are not meant to co-exist. They do not go together. She and her kind must be stopped and you can’t save her, you never could save her,” Lillian snarls, and she’s almost laughing. “All you’ve done is expose her,” she cackles, then, and Lena’s tears well up behind her eyes.

 

“I love her.” Lena says behind a choked back sob. She doesn’t care if it kills her, if that’s what it comes down to. She needs Kara to hear it.

 

“She always was your weakness, but fortunately, you’re also hers. I told you it would only lead to ruin. Maybe now you’ll believe me. Stand aside, Lena.” Lillian’s sharp voice is laced with hatred and Lena wishes everything could be different. It’s too late, and she knows it, but she wishes with all her might.

 

Still, she stands her ground.

 

“No.”

 

Lillian shakes her head and smiles, a laugh forming in her throat.

 

“The great hero of National City, hiding behind a weak, pathetic human. Are you really going to let a selfish little girl fight your battles for you, Supergirl?” Lillian taunts. “Your cousin wears that high and mighty costume and comes after my son, and now you’re willing to let my daughter lay down her life for your disgusting existence?”

 

Kara stirs slowly from behind Lena and manages to summon enough energy to shoot out Lex’s weaponized device with her heat vision, rendering it soundless. She’s finally able to get shakily to her feet. She wobbles and sways until she’s standing upright again, placing a gentle hand on Lena’s shoulder, her eyes infused with adoration and love. She nods at her, a small thankful smile on the corner of her lips, before she walks forward to face Lillian. Lena grasps at her one last time, but has to let her go. There’s nothing more she can do.

 

“You don’t have to do this, Lillian. You can choose your own path, it’s not too late. I know you ache with the loss of your son, and the loss of your husband. Please, let me help you. I’m not here to threaten your livelihood or ruin your life---”

 

Lillian cuts in dangerously.

 

“Your cousin has already done that.” she snarls, aiming the kryptonite weapon and shooting it straight into Kara’s chest. It hits her with excessive force, knocking her backwards and cutting her off from saying anything more. Lena screams, and she watches Kara’s body go rigid as she sinks to her knees, enduring the flow of poison into her veins. Kara remains crouched, heaving, and for a few frantic seconds, everything is quiet.

 

Lillian is poised, weapon down by her side, studying the Kryptonian, hungrily awaiting her demise.

 

Instead, there’s a surge.

 

Kara bolts up from the ground, her strength increasing tenfold, while Lena watches in amazement. Kara is practically glowing with light, a radiating honey-colored halo illuminating her body. There’s a golden-amber tint coursing through her veins, pulsing with vibrancy and health. She springs into action and easily dismantles the weapon in Lillian’s hand, catching the elder Luthor by complete surprise. Metallo attempts a shot at her, but the Kryptonite bounces off her chest like stray bullets and renders her indestructible. The three Cadmus masterminds look frantically at each other before they turn to flee, but not before Alex and J’onn land behind them. The DEO agents have them surrounded in minutes.

 

“Supergirl, are you okay?” Alex calls out frantically, “They shot you -- with Kryptonite. How--how are you still flying?” Alex is running to Kara now, the unmistakable look of terror plastered on her face.

 

“I’m….fine. I’m...great?” Supergirl says as she touches down, her skin still glowing with supercharged serum, her eyes wide in wonder. She reaches out her arms, and studies her hands, looking for answers.

 

Alex’s eyes land on Lena, who is staring at Supergirl, grinning from ear to ear.

 

“You,” she says, breathless, “You turned Kryptonite into a super-steroid for Kara. It can’t hurt her.”

 

Kara turns and stares at her for the first time since she was shot, and the smile on her face is brighter than anything Lena’s ever seen.

 

“I did,” Lena says, a knowing smirk on her face. Police sirens wail in the distance. “And I called the police.”

* * *

 Lena doesn’t have to wait a day to be by Kara’s side. As soon as the Cadmus contingent is apprehended, and a few words are exchanged between J’onn and Kara, they are left alone to deal with the aftermath. Alex nods knowingly to Supergirl, giving them space, and Lena lets out a small sigh of relief.

 

Supergirl looks over at her with a face torn between love and concern.

 

“Are you hurt?” she asks immediately, rushing to her side, and studying her face for any signs of injury from her kidnapping. She reaches out cautiously, and takes Lena’s bruised knuckled hand into her own. She studies it with a frown, and Lena knows she’s checking for broken bones with her x-ray vision. She remembers that face, the same one that scanned her broken arm years ago. She lets her.

 

“No...No, I’m okay.” Lena insists.

 

Kara puts her hand down gently and extends her arms, and Lena allows her tired body to melt into them, breathing a sigh of relief into the strong chest of her hero.

 

“You were amazing, Kara.” Lena whispers into her ear and Kara only squeezes her tighter.

 

“Can I take you home?” she asks quietly, and Lena dips her head in agreement.

 

Lena dozes in Kara’s arms, but wakes when they gently land back at Lena’s apartment. Kara hesitates on the balcony of the penthouse, looking like she’s about to take off again into the night, but stalling for time to make sure Lena is okay. Lena stares at her softly, hoping against hope that maybe she’ll ask to stay. She knows Kara will never impose herself or intrude, but she wonders if Kara feels how overwhelmingly impossible it is to be separated, the way Lena does right now. Lena’s fingers are intertwined with Kara’s and she smiles gently at Kara’s radiant, gorgeous face.

 

“Can I come in?” Kara asks, softly, and Lena’s heart hums in her chest.

 

“I’d like that,” she admits, and Kara exhales like she’d been holding her breath waiting for the permission she wasn’t sure she’d get.

 

She has entered so many of Lena’s rooms over the years, in her quiet and respectful way, that it should feel comforting and warm. And it does, to an extent, but it’s different now with the red cape and the Super crest and the trail of tears left in their wake. It’s still her, still Kara, but somehow, she’s changed. It should scare her, Lena thinks, or make her think of chaos and suffering, but instead she’s filled with a sense of pride that anchors itself around her heart. She wants to be upset about what they just went through, but Kara looks so radiant, that she finds it impossible. She’s shining brighter than ever, and Lena is more in love with her in this moment than ever before.

 

They hover in the kitchen, the air around them charged with adrenaline and the tension of so many emotions left unspoken.

 

“I didn’t know you could fight like that.” Kara says nervously, nodding at Lena with a surprised expression.

 

Lena’s face flushes and she rubs the back of her neck, easing the tautness out of it and trying to find a way to explain.

 

“I learned when I found out you were going for it,” she says calmly, “When I knew you were going to be Supergirl.”

 

“What?” Kara asks, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion,  “Why?”

 

“To make sure I could protect you too,” Lena grins, realizing how backwards it sounds coming from her mouth to Kara’s ears, but she continues anyway, “I always knew you’d be there for me, when the time came. I put the weight of the world on your shoulders by encouraging you to be the hero I knew you were. I needed to be able to help you carry the burden.”

 

“You did more than that, Lena.” Kara takes a delicate step toward her, “You saved me.”

 

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Lena shrugs it off, but meets Kara’s eye and sees a flicker of sorrow pass through her expression.

 

“I’m sorry about your mother.” Kara whispers finally, and she inches closer to Lena, tentatively placing her hand on her shoulder.

 

“I’m not,” Lena says, the last bit of anger fading out in her voice. “I’d do everything the exact same way if it meant having you come home safe. I’d always choose you.” she’s defiant, her declaration firm.

 

“I would never want you to make that decision,” Kara says. “I am so sorry, Lena.”

 

Lena feels vindicated, but a tiny part of her feels like the same scared little girl that was sent to a new home at the age of 4. Kara senses this, the way Kara senses all her emotions, so she knows there’s no use in hiding. She realizes all at once that she has absolutely no family left, and it’s an unexpectedly harsh revelation. Lillian was hardly a loving mother figure, but the fact that she was around gave Lena a subconscious comfort -- like maybe, just maybe, she could change, and things would be different. Now she looks around and finds herself to be the last Luthor standing, in a sense, the ties officially severed. She’s terrified, but she looks at Kara, and she finds a sliver of strength to power her through.

 

“You’ve had to say that so many times to me over the years,” Lena forces a sad laugh, and squeezes Kara’s hand with her own. “But it’s never been for anything you’ve done wrong. You’ve done nothing wrong. All you’ve ever done is try to save me, in every way. It was time for me to repay the favor.” she drops her hands to her sides and looks down at the table, studying the patterns of the distressed wood.

 

“How did you do it?” Kara asks, her voice curious and fascinated.

 

Lena chuckles.

 

“My family always thinks weaknesses must be destroyed outright,” Lena explains, a far away, bitter look in her eye as she thinks about the narrow-minded worldview everyone in her family seems to share,  “I like to think we can turn our weaknesses into strengths.”

 

The only secret she’s ever kept from Kara has been the synthetic Kryptonite experiments and her trailblazing efforts to alter the formula. It wasn’t because Kara would have discouraged it, necessarily, but more because she didn’t want to have to look in her eyes and admit failure if she didn’t get it to work. She tells a wide-eyed Kara about the origin of the scar above her eye, and all about her laborious research. She explains how she counteracted Lex’s plans with a far superior result on her own.

 

“You are a complete and total genius,” Kara says, grinning. “But I’m not surprised in the slightest.”

 

“You flatter me,” Lena says graciously, feeling her skin prickle with goosebumps at the compliment.

 

Kara gets quiet and thoughtful again, and Lena’s heart sinks because she knows what’s coming next.

 

“About what you said earlier….” Kara begins, and Lena holds up her hand.

 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Lena laughs, embarrassed. “It was in the moment, you know, I was so worried….” she trails off, noting Kara’s small frown of disappointment. Her heartbeat picks up rapidly.

 

“So you don’t feel that way?” Kara asks, and it comes out flat, like a rejection, and Lena rushes to cover her blunder.

 

“No--no of course I do, Kara, don’t be silly, I --” Lena searches her eyes frantically, unsure how to make the words come out the way she wants them to, suddenly finding herself frustratingly tongue tied. “It’s just, you know, I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything, I mean--” she fumbles, combing her fingers through her hair, and Kara just shakes her head.

 

She glances at the ground, nodding to herself, and then back up to Lena’s face, smirking slightly.

 

“After all these years?” she asks, stepping dangerously close to Lena now, her face only inches away. Her eyes fill with desire, and she isn’t the cautious, tentative Kara that she normally is. She’s determined and strong, and her gaze flutters over Lena’s lips before she tugs her forward slightly. “You still don’t know how much I love you?”

 

Before Lena can react, Kara has her wrapped in her unyielding arms, engulfing her in a deep, slow kiss. It’s passionate and loving and it feels like her mind is suddenly wiped of every bad thought or negative feeling she’s ever had. Instead, she feels the nostalgia of summer nights and stolen kisses, and the rush of flying through the air, her arms wrapped around an indestructible hero. She wraps her arms around Kara’s neck and pulls her in as close as she can. Her nerves are buzzing and she can’t fully process that the thing she’s wanted most in the world is happening, right here, right now. She’s consumed by Kara, her Kara, and for once, it isn’t a dream.

 

They break apart to catch their breath, Kara resting her forehead against Lena’s before speaking.

 

“I’m me when I’m with you, Lena. I can be everything I am, my entire self, and I don’t have to hide. You’re the only one who has always seen me for who I am, and who I could be. I’ve loved you since the day you let me into your life, the day you let me be your friend. I’ve been in love with you since you first taught me to play chess and showed me Star Wars and protected my secret from everyone who made fun of me. Sometimes I think I couldn’t love you more if I tried, and then I wake up and somehow I do.”

 

“I suppose I should have known, it’s just, I never thought you would, you know, feel the same way--” Lena is still reeling, her lips tingling with the lips she hasn’t kissed in too many years, an onslaught of memories still overwhelming her senses.

 

“You weren’t ready to hear it,” Kara explains gently, “And I never wanted to force you to accept it. It seemed like too much, and was never the right time. I had to be patient, and let you find your way back to me.”

 

“But you always knew?” Lena asks, hopefully, praying that her inability to say the words didn’t conflict with all her actions. She hasn’t been perfect, but she’s loved Kara with the intensity of a thousand lifetimes.

 

“You’ve loved me with everything you had and more, Lena, even when you were broken,” Kara says, her melodic voice catching in Lena’s ears. “I always knew.”

 

It’s the first of many Fridays that Kara and Lena allow themselves to love and be loved, and it’s enough to last a lifetime.  
  



	9. Epilogue: The rest of the days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena Luthor deserves this. 
> 
> OR
> 
> Life after Cadmus. Friends, Holidays, and Heroes

Lena stops keeping track of the days, this time for better reasons. She’s too focused, too happy, too fulfilled to bother, and every day is a new challenge and a new reward. She feels her heart unwind and unclench and she’s starting to learn to let go of the anxiety and guilt she harbored for too many years. It’s time to remember to step back and just breathe. It’s time to pick up the pieces and move on. She’s allowed to just be, and she’s allowed to be loved, and for the first time in her life, she’s happy just as she is.

 

It doesn’t come overnight, and it isn’t without constant reminders from the people in her life -- people, she realizes now, who will never stop believing in her and being there to remind her of her intrinsic worth without the stigma of a family legacy. The Luthor name is a cross to bear, but suddenly she has several people around her to help share the load, and she doesn’t find herself as weary or broken.

 

It’s a year later, and for the first time in far too long, she has friends. True, honest to goodness friends, who have turned into the family she so desperately craved. They don’t try to manipulate or con her into actions, and they don’t expect anything but friendship in return. Kara is a given, the light of her life, propelling her to be the strong, successful person she is, as always. But with Kara always comes more love than Lena could possibly have prepared for, so she has made some room in her heart for many new additions. There’s Alex, for one, who has since come around and resumed her place as the older sister Lena never had. It isn’t a replacement for Lex, because some things are better to let go of entirely, but it’s a stability she knows she can count on no matter what. There’s Winn, Kara’s quirky and tech-savvy DEO counterpart who knows how to geek out over science formulas and Star Wars movie nights, but who also has a caring heart and an eager ear. He’s always willing to listen, being plagued by his own tragic upbringing. They bond over pain, sometimes finding comfort on the hardest days in someone else that understands. There’s Maggie, Alex’s girlfriend who has a sassy mouth, a killer game of pool, and a soft side reserved only for her closest friends. Lena enjoys seeing someone keep Alex in check for once, and Maggie likes giving Lena grief for her over the top adoration for Kara. They keep each other grounded and offer advice in the areas of relationships and love, something Lena is finally allowing herself to experience with Kara for real this time.

 

Even James has a place in her heart, because he’s impossible to hate. Now, with Kara’s feelings firmly secured, he is no longer a threat and Lena has buried the unnecessary hatchet of jealousy. He’s protective, and kind, and she wishes they could have been friends earlier, but she has him now and it’s enough.

 

Kal is in Metropolis, but he comes for holidays, and he’s warmer around Lena than ever before. They’ve had many long talks late into the night about Lex and the Luthors and it makes Lena feel better to hear Kal’s perspective. As broken as his relationship is with the older Luthor, he’s candid and deep with Lena, and she graciously returns the favor with her own feelings. She thought he would be resistant to her relationship with Kara, inevitably finding ways to poke holes in her trustworthiness, but instead, he provides the blessing she didn’t know she was seeking.

 

“I think I owe you a bit of an apology, Kal.” Lena says one night, swirling her wine and looking out over National City. They’re standing outside on the balcony to her apartment, listening to the sounds of the street below, catching a quick quiet break from the happy chaos inside. It’s Thanksgiving evening, and Lena has successfully hosted her first gathering for all her friends, her heart as warm and full as her stomach. Since she cooked most of the holiday meal from scratch, Kara and Alex insisted on cleaning up, and Lena is relishing in the afterglow of having her first perfect holiday.

 

“For cooking a perfect meal?” He asks, his smile crinkling along his face in the same easy way Kara’s does when she makes a flattering joke.

 

“For holding a grudge against you for too long,” she says seriously, and Kal’s face remains soft, like he recognizes exactly what she’s apologizing for without her saying the words. “I wasn’t exactly fair.”

 

Kal grips the railing of the balcony gently, and looks to the sky, his eyes open in curious wonder. He’s silent for a few moments before speaking.

 

“I wish I could remember it the way she does, sometimes,” he says, his eyes focused in the distance, watching the stars twinkle and shine. “She has a connection to a place we can never get back, but she’s stronger than I am, and she can handle the memories. I don’t think I would have been able to reconcile a past life on Krypton with a new one on Earth the way she has been able to do.”

 

Lena nods thoughtfully, his words ringing true in every possible sense.

 

“I know you think I abandoned her. I could see it in your eyes every time we spoke, even back then. But you’re right, Lena. It was selfish to leave her alone for so long, and I should have stepped in more when she first came to Earth. I never meant to turn my back on my own family,” he says, shaking his head to himself, his gaze coming back from the sky and focusing instead on the ground. “But after awhile, I realized she was in capable hands with the Danvers, and then I saw she had you. You were better for her than I ever could have been. You’re her Krypt--”

 

“Please don’t call me her Kryptonite,” Lena interrupts, then, the comment still stinging from when Alex had burst into her office and accused her of the same. “I don’t like being reminded of how poisonous I am for her.” Lena smirks harshly, covering the pain she feels from the subtle reminder that she falls short when it comes to Kara, even now.

 

Kal looks at her then, his eyes searching deep into her soul. His brows furrow in pain, as if Lena has slapped him across the face.

 

“Lena, how could you ever think you’re a poison to her? You’ve made her powerful beyond measure, in every single way. She was always strong, but you made her whole,” he says, resting his hand gently on Lena’s arm as he continues, “I was going to say you’re her Krypton. She lost her home, but she found it again in your heart.”

 

Lena’s breath hitches, and she can only nod, clenching her jaw to keep her emotions in check.

 

“Thank you, Kal.” she breathes, and he nods and folds her into his arms for a strong, genuine hug.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Lena,” he says, “I’m so thankful for you and my cousin.”

* * *

 It’s a gorgeous sunny morning when Supergirl comes striding into L-Corp tower through her signature balcony window, the one Lena insists she didn’t have installed for just such occasions. She lands with a Kara Danvers skip and a nervously excited bounce and Lena can’t help the smile that immediately plasters itself on her face. It’s the most adorable hybrid of the two identities that she has ever seen, and her heart feels so full it could burst. Supergirl only lets Kara Zor-El out around a few people these days, but Lena feels beyond blessed that she’s one of the rare exceptions that gets to see the real hero under the cape.

 

“Supergirl, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Lena’s eyebrow quirks and her eyes flicker with amusement before bursting into a genuine smile.

 

Kara grins and smiles, slowing her excited stride and stopping at Lena’s chair before placing her hands on both sides of the arm rests and kissing her deeply.

 

“Hi.” she breathes after a few blissful seconds of kissing Lena’s lips.

 

“Hi yourself,” Lena says, her eyes still fluttering open, slow to move away from Kara. “I take it you enjoyed the donuts I sent you?”

 

Kara wipes at her mouth in horror, and Lena looks on, chuckling.

 

“Your face is fine, Kara, you just tasted like jelly and sugar. Not that I’m complaining.”

 

“You shouldn’t! It’s like - secondhand donut consumption! No calories!” Kara grins, proud of herself, and Lena rolls her eyes.

 

“You should probably kiss me again then, just so I can have one more taste.” Lena bites her lip and Kara is kissing the smirk off her face within seconds.

 

“So...I have something to show you,” Kara begins after she pulls away, giving a satisfied smile as she glances over Lena’s flushed cheeks. Lena can feel herself growing warm under her gaze. “Can I borrow you for a few hours?”

 

“To go where exactly?” Lena asks, eyebrow arched, feigning skepticism but already reworking her schedule in her head. She isn’t going to deny Kara, not when she looks so joyful and excited.

 

“It’s a surprise!” Kara exclaims before quickly adding, “No, not like that time with the carnival.”

 

Lena lets out a laugh, and shakes her head, the memory of Kara’s run in with a particularly grumpy clown when they were teenagers leaving a lasting impression on both their lives.

 

(Kara insists she isn’t afraid of them, and that he started it, but Lena begs to differ on both counts.)

 

“When do we leave?” Lena asks, and Kara claps her hands in delight.

 

“Are you too busy now?” and Lena shakes her head slowly, studying Kara, her heart hammering excitedly in her chest.

 

Kara reaches out and gracefully runs her fingers under the flap of Lena’s blazer to place her hand over her heart, smiling to herself as she does it.

 

“That’s my favorite one,” Kara murmurs, her eyes closed, feeling the pulses radiate through the tips of her fingers. “That’s the one you get when I make you smile.” Lena’s cheeks flush at the sudden contact.

 

“Sorry, I’m just -- I’m still so happy it’s back.” Kara says, slowly moving her hand away before Lena takes it in hers and kisses the tips of her fingers softly.

 

“I am too, Kara.” she says and she has never meant anything more truthfully in her life.

 

Supergirl holds out her arms and Lena stands, smoothing the creases out of her outfit. Kara hoists her up effortlessly, supporting the backs of her knees and her upper back with such gentle care that Lena can barely feel her arms unless she purposely leans into them. She wraps her arms around Kara’s neck, leaning in quickly to place a kiss on her cheek. “I love you,” she whispers in her ear and Kara responds by leaning her forehead down to touch Lena’s.

 

“I love you, too” she says softly. “Are you ready?”

 

They glide over to the balcony and take off into the sky, the way they’ve done hundreds of times by now, and Lena sinks into Kara’s warm embrace. She finally enjoys feeling the wind in her hair and seeing the tops of the buildings as they grow smaller and smaller. Flying has become one of her favorite things, next to kissing Kara, which will always be her number one. Now that she gets to do it whenever she wants, she can’t seem to stop herself if she tried. Kara never minds.

 

They soar through the sky for a few minutes longer before touching down gracefully on a street corner right in front of National City Elementary. Lena looks at the school with concern, and back at Kara for clarification.

 

“You’re taking me--here?” Lena asks, unsteady and unsure. Taking on investors is one thing, but little kids with their unapologetic mouths and truth telling ways is a different story entirely. She feels like a scared 9 year old again, thinking of the bullies from her youth and the way she spent too many days alone before Kara came into her life. She looks at Kara with pleading eyes.

 

“I have some friends I want you to meet,” Kara says, extending her hand, and Lena’s eyes trace over every single line in her palm, the hand she’s held through so much of her life. “Do you trust me?”

 

She nods, a small nervous smile peeking in the corner of her mouth.

 

“Always.” she breathes.

 

Supergirl walks through the doors of the school with a hero’s confidence and Lena walks steadily alongside. She studies the whitewashed walls, plastered with construction paper creations, bright hologram stickers and crayola rainbow infused drawings. She smiles at the paper mache creatures hanging from the ceiling, and the scent of peanut butter and jelly wafting through the hallways. It brings back a lot of memories of her youth, which she thought would make her cringe. Instead, all she sees is bright blonde hair and an even brighter smile asking her to play chess and spending hours getting lost with her at the museum. She sees starry nights, and board games, and she feels surprising contentment. She reaches out and grabs Kara’s hand. Kara looks back at her with kindness, like she can almost read Lena’s thoughts, and she squeezes it gently.

 

“Reminds me of our old school, doesn’t it?” she says, and Lena just nods slowly.

 

They arrive outside a classroom door, and Supergirl turns to Lena.

 

“Wait out here for a minute okay? Don’t go anywhere,” she says sternly, “Promise?”

 

Lena nods.

 

“I promise.”

 

Supergirl knocks on the door before entering the room, immediately encapsulated in cheers and squeals. Lena beams in pride at the way she’s adored, and her heart melts at the way the children’s faces light up at the sight of a real life superhero.

 

“Our special guest is here!” the teacher announces, and everyone starts talking at once.

 

“Supergirl! Supergirl!”

 

“Can you really bend steel?”

 

“Is it true you’re faster than Superman?”

 

Kara is smiling graciously. Before she begins to answer all the questions she holds up her hands and grins.

 

“I promise I will answer all your questions but first,” she gestures outside the door where Lena is standing, “I actually have a really special friend I brought here with me today. I heard you all wanted to meet her. Lena, can you come in here?”

 

Lena swallows hard and squares her shoulders. She clenches her jaw and walks into the room. She braces herself for the jeers and whispers she’s sure to hear, the disgust of her last name being on full display for a classroom of impressionable youth. She doesn’t understand why Kara would do this, why she would bring her to a place she’s only going to be ridiculed, but she trusts her, even beyond her better judgement.

 

The whispers come, but they aren’t of Luthor paranoia. They’re whispers of awe and admiration. They’re whispers of hope.

 

“Oh my gosh, that’s Lena Luthor!” one girl whispers to the boy next to her. His face lights up in anticipation.

 

“She’s even smarter than Supergirl!” another boy says out loud, and several heads nod in firm agreement.

 

“She SAVED Supergirl!” a girl calls out, and there’s a hum of over-eager excitement.

 

“Is it really her?” the classmates all look at each other curiously and peer back at their guest in wonder.

 

Lena isn’t sure she’s hearing them correctly at first, until one little girl practically bursts out of her chair, raising her hand high and shaking with energy.

 

“Yes, Leah?” the teacher nods in her direction.

 

“Ms. Luthor you’re my hero!” Leah says and Lena almost melts to the floor. She looks to Kara, bewildered, but Kara is only beaming, looking completely unsurprised by the response.

 

A cacophony of questions and comments rises over the cracked silence.

 

“How did you save Supergirl?”

 

“You’re the smartest person on EARTH!”

 

“You made those robbers DISAPPEAR!”

 

“Supergirl, is Lena stronger than you?”

 

Lena’s head is swimming with the compliments and she doesn’t know how to react. It’s the first time she’s ever had people look at her like _this_ \- like she’s something worth emulating. She glances over the sea of excited, happy faces and they’re looking at her the way Kara always looks at her, hanging on to her every word, soaking everything in.

 

“Lena, everyone here wants to know how you saved my life,” Kara says, a twinkle in her eye, “I thought you could tell them in person.”

 

The voices die down and Lena clears her throat. She studies the room.

 

“Well, it was nothing, really, I just--” she shrugs and pauses, taking the time to survey her audience. She knows she can’t talk to them about the hours in the lab and the intricacies of her complicated formulas. She doesn’t want to scare them with the the hours of testing and retesting that she went through, or all the frustration she endured.

 

She immediately changes her delivery. “My favorite subject in school was always science. I loved making things and creating new ways to solve problems. That’s how I discovered a secret superpower for Supergirl!” she says, and the children are staring at her wide-eyed and amazed.

 

“I love science!” one girl yells, “I want to be just like you!”

 

“Can I study math and science?” one girl asks, and both Supergirl and Lena nod excitedly.

 

“Lena is so smart, she runs her own company!” Supergirl says, and more jaws drop in wonder.

 

“I want to work for you Ms. Luthor!” a little girl shrieks and Lena’s eyebrows go up in shocked amusement.

 

“Can I work for you too?” a shy little boy in the back asks.

 

Lena’s heart can’t handle the cuteness and she feels like she’s short-circuiting. She’s standing next to National City’s hero, but every eager eye is focused on her. For the first time, they see her for who she is, and nothing else.

 

“If you study real hard, and find something you love to do, I bet I’ll be working for you some day.” she says, her voice cracking slightly with emotion as she tries to keep her composure.

 

“Is Supergirl your best friend?” a little girl in the front asks, and Lena looks over at the glowing figure next to her.

 

“Supergirl used to correct my math homework,” Lena laughs and winks at the group, “She’s my best friend in the world.”

 

After spending an hour at the school and making sure to take several photos, and extras with just the two of them, Kara and Lena head for the exit. Lena feels like she’s practically floating, her thoughts filled with squealing voices and more positive feedback than she’s ever heard in her life. She’s so distracted she can’t even hear Kara’s happy commentary next to her. They take off into the air, returning to L-Corp in record time.

 

“You asked me once what it felt like to be a hero,” Kara says, by way of explanation, when they’re sitting on Lena’s couch some time afterward. She’s curled up in Lena’s arms, her head resting against her chest, the two of them wrapped in Kara’s Supergirl cape, and Lena thinks this might be the happiest moment of her life.

 

“It’s one thing for me to say it, but I wanted you to see for yourself. This is your legacy, Lena. You’re living it, right now, and it’s yours, nobody else’s. I wanted you to see the impact you’re already making on the world, and how you’ve already changed so many people’s perception.”

 

Lena takes a shaky breath and smiles softly, running her fingers through Kara’s wavy hair, feeling completely and unconditionally loved. She trails her finger along Kara’s chin, angling her face up slightly.

 

“Well, I had a little help,” she says, smiling, dipping her head to capture Kara’s lips with her own. “El Mayarah” she murmurs along Kara’s neck, sinking deeper into her body, kissing her with every fiber of her being. “I love you, Kara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for going on this little journey with me - I really enjoyed obsessing over this for the past few weeks and I hope you all enjoyed reading it. Make sure you pass it along, I want everyone to read Lena Luthor's happy ending because I love her so much and she deserves the world <3 
> 
> Come follow me on tumblr for more nonsense @stennnn06

**Author's Note:**

> I am fairly certain I solar flared while writing this entire fic, and therefore will need to be under sunlamps for the foreseeable future. I'll be updating this very quickly, because it is 90% complete already. Don't want to overwhelm, though. It's best enjoyed in parts.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> tell me your thoughts, or just come cry with me about lena luthor's gorgeous face @stennnn06


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